“I knew I was worthy of love, even if I couldn’t feel it.
Yet they were treating me this way, caught up in their own past internal disregulated programmings.”
Month: August 2025
Child Custody
“They use this term to mean which parents have which kids at which times.
But for a child who is unwanted, negated, disregarded, and neglected – and maybe only used only to get access to a younger sibling – the term can mean repeated sentences of termed incarceration with torment.”
Dear Alex,
“I don’t know what to do…
I don’t know how to bridge this gap to you.”
Now
“What to do about it…”
(Ascensionism – Sleep Token)
Why
“The spinal cord was overstretched, cervical stacking stability shorted out, and brain is being pullled at in every movement, so constant distress signals’ flight/fight/freeze signals keep alternating and prevent fascial proprioceptors from regulating.
But that’s not what many doctors would say.
They will look at where it is pinching, compressing, and/or grindng…
Because they still do not understand how to treat actual causes to system ‘failures’ by looking for underlying reasons in order to troubleshoot and provide restorative therapies.”
MRI Results
Worse than before…why?
(I’m not freaking out…I’m not panicking…my blood pressure is fine – I’m fine, da** it!)
4am Bed Wrestling
Pushed shoulders &
Further ripped hips
From slipping on carpet
Working to disassemble
That extra foam layer proposed
I had hoped would’ve benefited
Testifies to the extent of
Unnegotiable discomfort
Merry Travelers
(So Close – Brandon Lake)
Dear Friend,
They’d slander many things,
But we know truth from lies.
Yes, Please
Sweetlings!
“Monster Pie”
Dear Alex,
I don’t like them
What they do
How they think
They have rights
“Tree Of Life”
Selective Functionality
I can still attend many things
Just not the same drudgeries
Bear In Mind
“Games are fun, but I do not like being manipulated.”
(Title play with words – Raar!)
RueFallBack
“Yeah, ’cause I just knocked myself loose again, jumping around and dancing, getting hardcore into to that song.”
(Ouuch…but worth it)
Disclaimer
“I’ll need your help to rebuild myself, yet in return, I will help you, as well.”
(The Offering – Sleep Token)
Dear Friend,
“You lit-tle beeas-tie…”
Dear Alex,
“Please, love…let us not further delay.”
Pupling
“Nyeeer-rooom!” stomp-running down wooden reverberations hall to smack into whatever still object (hopefully soft) with an “Oomph!” and giggle, followed by a mirthfully satisfied, yet downplayed, gleefully settled “Hi.”
Maybe
“I’ll get into video editing for some career retraining since I seem to enjoy visual arts.”
Regrets
“Decisions past made that had we known what we’ve learned now, we would have better attended to with this advanced understanding.”
Dragon Flame
Seething hatred
Eyes on fire ire
Casting blasting
Counterspells
Desperately
Exploding
Eroding
Traction
To free wings
For flight again
Restrictions
“These rules are borked!:
(Lonely – VisionV, Goom Gum Remix)
Dear Friend,
The basic realities of my life
Are me trying to linger in bed
Giving my systems more time
To rest before burn out again
Then staying in motion for as
Long as I can manage output
It’s a dead-end cycle recurring
Without exciting alternatives
Jagged Edges
I have a comfortable bed
Or so I’d like to think of it
But there’s rarely a position
That I can find this comfort
Maybe I need to add another
Layer of foam to cushion me
Perhaps too much inflamed
Pain never abating hinders
The recovery I’ve needed
To overcome the injuries
Late Teens, On My Own
“In everything I did, I looked for traces of love – and gave it, even if not returned.”
(Magic Man – Heart)
Permutations
I want to garden
But do I not lift?
Or grip and dig,
Or kneel, or shift
As extend to retract
Endurent dynamics?
What can I do
And shouldn’t?
One day left for rest
Isn’t enough further
I just workout and
Travel spiral circles
Going over same paths
Seeking spark’s interest
Things get done without
Motivated life’s purpose
Except living day to day
Trying to restore basics
Love’s Reforesting
Lost Trust From Abandonment
“Due to lack of others’ followthrough.
I guess this is why I keep trying to be independent.
Necessity into habit.”
Healer & Protector
“They are saying this is a right combo.
I kept developing my skills as a healer, but the others stopped protecting.
I had to take on both roles in absence of others’ followthrough.
No wonder I struggle with burnout.”
Therapy Dog/Demon
A Day On Mercury
Taking On Mass
She deserved better than giving up, so she just fought to deal with the ‘impact.’
(History repeating in waves)
“Molten”
“Choose Your Path”
“A Hand Up”
“Pixel Haze”
The Weekend
(Whitesnake – Easier Said Than Done [Unzipped] ft. The Hook City Strings, 2025 Remix)
(Moving Forward – Kyle LIONHART)
Heatwave Losses
“I could only tend to so far, and have lost my large wisteria, green beans, and the count is going up.”
“Portal”
Sky Above, Earth Below
“What do you want from me?” she asked the ether, looking skywards.
“I want you to be happy…” a male voice replied – which both calmed and further unsettled her discombobulated nerves.
Candid Corvid Productions 