Yesterday

First neurofeedback session in over two months because she had been too hurt and fragile to try again since last November.

The concussion had interrupted spinal communication and had compressed her chest, as well as had made it necessary for her to clamp down and not allow feelings to flow.

The session reconnected these things, and she had memories come to surface that had been hidden away, long ago.

Like realizing in a connective continuum that hypervigilance had pretty much always been necessary.

And remembering one brief time where her ex had opened up to her with no warning, and she had been positioned wrong to receive it in timing – and he never did, again.

Then, for the rest of the afternoon, she had been crying hard about feeling like she had to rehome beloved pets.

She broke down to the lady at the shelter as she examined that option, to a family member with their partner – and even to her caring and supportive neighbor.

Tears kept flowing on her own throughout the evening and a type of shock – shock from so many losses.

What the heck was all of this?

Emotional fatigue and a lifetime of over performing’s exhaustion while having to lead alone, carrying too much for too long without integral partner support had worn into her.

She could feel her heart wrestling with all of it.

She wanted to shed the weight’s pressure – like a snake sheds skin that has grown too tight to live within.