Dearest,

I am in the zone where everything is breaking apart.

I am not used to thinking that I have value in a partner’s eyes when my life “crumbles.”

I am not used to being able to rely on a man to help me willingly and supportivrly when my life is teetering on the brink.

Especially if I can not give much back in return.

Therefore, I do not ask for nor reach for help.

It is like I am silently pleading for closeness, alignment,  and collaboration inside – but then close this door so that even I cannot feel these needs.

I withdraw.

I muster.

I achily don my gear and reshoulder my shield, then stiffly swing my sword to try to limber up because there is work to be done.