They bombard me one at a time after hatching from a kid’s past fish tank project left unattended un the bathroom
I thought it was irritating enough when using my phone with lights off that they flicker in front of the screen and try to fly up my nose.
But now, as they land on my screen while I write, touch pad keys are alternatively typing!
I would rather keep to myself than allow myself to again be driven into a frenzy.
As a human, life is often lonely.
As a wolf, it doesn’t make sense.
I dreamed we three hung out:
I was part of your inner circle.
Accepted and unchallenged –
At last, belonging somewhere.
We spoke of a leather jacket
So thin that it required oiling.
I shared multi-slicing biscuits
Crisped with butter and honey.
It was enough to be with you
Part of what was happening.
Then, it was time for photos
And I asked to not be in any.
You often save me, lift me
When I feel I have nothing.
Strange how moments evolve
As if our lives are paralleling.
Seeking by my own authority.
To just be able to feel deeply sad about it.
Having a type is confusing and curious to find out in this phase of my life.
Chrysanthemums
I have obtained a part-time office for re-entry into the healing community!
(Title reference to Star Trek series quote: “Acquire, Quark – Acquire!”)
Moments of bliss and unwinding.
Those who are “righteous” are often wrong.
I am having moments of happiness, where before life has seemed always hardship.
Lead to God.
The mice are moving into the upper cabinets, despite the grace of live traps that I have given them.
“I don’t feel well…” she quavered.
“Don’t worry,” the alternate mothering part of her brain reassured her.
“You are just in shock and feeling toxic, because that which is harmful to you has happened again.”
Unrequieted love is like a bruise that won’t heal.
Usually more comfortable if predefined.
But then, it wouldn’t be called unknown.
He didn’t appreciate her love when he had it, because he never had gone without it.
And she had never really known nor felt that he had truly wanted it.
It doesn’t matter what “they” say, or how badly a person might feel about it.
Or who will or will not support it.
The heart just wants what it wants.
She stood accused of “making the same mistakes” by her inner critics.
How dare she take that bold-leap chance and risk on another good-hearted guy – who it turns out, like the other men before, also had issues with commitment!
The side-thronging demons laughed at her expense – ranting, raving, and hooting in their cajoling rompery about how she’d “done it again.”
She had somehow found *yet another guy* whose kind and inclusive nature turned inattentive – resulting in a rejection, neglect, and abandonment reinforcement paradigm.
“Oh, girl!” they screamed out in cackling, fanatic goading.
“You don’t need our help – you keep f-ing things up on your own!”
Co-providing nourishment where each person needs.
A man, once escapes his own bound gravity, may have trouble reconnecting after becoming addicted to the wind.
She did not understand these earth dwellers, and her own kind had long ago flown away.
Ready or not, with new specialty focii and despite reinjury, I prepare to immediately relaunch my business.
“I love…
I have loved…
I will love…”
She could and wanted to have more puplets, but there was something still deep inside of her that she needed to claim and nurture.
Her youngest pup now having found a peer pack within which to travel and roam, she wondered what she, herself, would become.
I feel disrupted
Center-spiraling
Unsure of bearings
Extend-contracting
I feel and feel deeply.
And as the injuries take new dimensions of increased swelling and pressure, I feel afraid.
The construction behind our house has been messing with my nervous system by produced vibrations.
However, stepping out into the already too-brisk, cridp-dank and overcast day air to clean backyard dog poo, it lifted my spirits in joining laughter to hear something go *boom!* as it was tossed down onto the ground – then immediately followed by a worker cackling happily at the noise’s result.
They are out there playing around with nail guns, keeping time to Mexican music, whistling at odd times and hammering at varied time signatures against or with each other – just generally making a community party of it.
Omg: one even called out an “Ai-Ai-eee!”
Ah-hahahahaha!
F- yeah!
