When I was young, I lost father figures to marijuana, trauma, and abandonment.
As I matured, the same cycles happened.
I have not known a healthy reflection of mind, body, and spirit.
What would it be like to be embraced by this?
I have never encountered a man’s heart with the same innovation and pure will’s determination to love no matter what as I possess.
When I turned twenty-one, my beloved and I were recently arrived to San Luis Obispo and I was already disenchanted with employment.
From a small bequeathment upon my cherished grandmother’s passing, we were able to rent The Carriage House on Pepper Street perched on a hill’s incline rising above the railroad tracks.
In a one bedroom square unit with wooden floors raised above two storage garage units, we had a view of the mountains with the moon and sun rising and passing overhead. Down below under the entry stairwell was a small patch of dirt where I first tried my hands at gardening.
I succeeded in growing some small gourds and a huge honeysuckle bush that thick-tendriled all the way up the handrails and along the deck’s sidings with its greenery and tri-colored blooms, fragrantly welcoming winsome hummingbirds.
It was the first time in my life that I felt truly alive, and I began self employment as one of the first-ever environmentally-safe cleaning services based upon the virtues of hard work, morals of environmental ethics, and innovative application of vinegar and baking soda.
We were just a few blocks from downtown and the Fremont Theatre while adjacent to the old tree-laned historical neighborhood. Being on the Southeastern position from Madonna Mountain placed us in the warmest spot of SLO at that time. During summers, we had balmy 80’s – yet better remember to at least take sweaters when visiting Montana de Oro in Los Osos where the ocean’s upwelling currents had fog waiting for us
We held our Thursday evening drum circle gatherings on Pepper, which would echo from the living room down onto the street below – and we would sometimes find people there dancing to our rhythms under the lights and stars. My guy and I trained toegther at The Central California School Of Body Therapy for massage, connected with world music, and played for Belly and Tribal dancers.
We still occasionally rode his motorcycle with me snuggly wrapped around him and holding on tightly. On sunny days, we would wind our way up the curving backroads along Whale Rock Reservoir and into Cambria past hidden homes and sheltered rivers. Sometimes we would go farther up the coast past San Simeon’s Hearst Castle, through the salt spray afternoon breezes while glimpsing wild zebras and Elephant Seals.
On the way home, we would stop for dinner at our favorite spot called The Whale’s Tale in Morro Bay for the best clam chowder and batter-fried fish strips that hot-melted apart in our mouths with crisped potato slices. I was in love with my quick-witted rogue stoicist; I wanted to be in love him; and I knew we had been given a glimpse of Heaven in our Central Coast Californian paradise.
They are dragon bellows
Capable of fueling fires
That ignite Truth’s liberty
So that all may envision
Our souls’ reclamation
Of this world’s sanctity.
I have lived my life on this planet for 52 years.
I think I may speak my Peace.
Life is a Gift.
Invest in it Wisely.
“They tell us that it is the material plane which only matters, while they drain the life from it as bleed beauty’s salvation – conscripting us to mortal lives of endentured slavery.
But we were born for more in this union between soul and body. Do Not Kneel in your mind’s forced subjugation – but Fight! Fight! Fight! to reclaim this life’s Redemption!”
Who she was was so much more than she understood or had yet explored.
“I have answered your question by sendng an invitation in material reality – are or you merely my dream wraith?”
Taxes, client records, maybe Tefl, gardening, applying for scholarships/grants, dabble.
Being the wild-spirited adventurer that apparently I am, I keep expecting that my next steps will be to expand further outward – when in fact, they are to turn inward.
Wrapped between a heating pad and an electric blanket, once warmed she turned each off and burrowed underneath her mounded blankets.
“You will love again…” From Song “A Million Stars” By BT ft. Kirsty Hawkshaw https://youtu.be/t_CHUPr4NwI
What I need is rest and diversified security.
Does this mean that I keep delaying creativity?
Part of my nightly routine has been to spray my nose with saline as a virus prevention after being close-quarter-exposed to clients.
But I realize now that perhaps my lungs do not like the resultant post-nasal drip – seeing as how I am developing lung infenctions more frequently.
Hope is a risk when one is out of fuel and used to life smudging amd smearimg their vision board.
I cannot help but feel insecurity about having had to return to the walki-in clinic after taking the medication that was prescribed to me.
Hindsight can makes fools of us all.
Upon going to the walk-in to have my lungs checked and finding no fluid by x-ray (given the amount of crackling, coughing, and wheezing), the doctor prescribed me prednisone to help reduce inflammation.
After procurring the medication, I decided to try 1/4 of the dose prescribed this afternoon to test my reaction – rather than the 20mgs prescribed in the morning – with side effects mildly warned that I could experience some anxiety.
Once I swallowed the cracked component, second by second, exponentially cascade-magnifying symptoms erupted – and I knew that I had done something wrong.
My face suddenly filled with that heavy, bags-under-bloodshot-eyes feeling; I felt a numbing, drugged-out feeling overtaking me; my consciousness began immediately shutting down as if I were about to pass out; and the left side of my chest began experiencing increasing squeezing pressure.
I called my family support team and the walk-in to let them all know that I was hurrying back for observation. The clinic found that my blood pressure was elevated to way above its normal routine, so I stayed in the clinic chest down on an exam table with my legs elevated until my body could reduce it back toward self regulation.
I should have realized that one should not take a stimulant when they already have a depleted adrenal system – but the doctor had seemed so sure that a steroid was the correct lung solution.
What I would have considered “making progress” before now is having to be considerably scaled back while foci such as my health (which I did not prioritize before) take precedence.
Belief in and following them sets the course for a visionary, guiding them safely through the most trecherous of times to a life of enhanced quality.
Heaven on Earth is the goal – and it is people with the wills of champions and hearts of gold that help make such a miracle happen.
“Who are you, really? What do you want with me?”
She threw questions at him, afraid of her own mind’s workings.
“How can I know if I can trust you? I am afraid to need you.”
We are as the moon
Covered by night
Until dawn reveals
Love’s golden reunion.
(Title of multiple meanings)
Replenishing raindrops ripple across the surface.
Humans have been given more capabilities than any other species known as yet on our planet.
Therefore, we have the responsibility to care for and tend to the earth and its inhabitants wisely.
Because so much until recently has been about constantly moving for surviving, it has been the last thing to occur to me that maybe I ought to allow myself to do less so there is space for healing and recovery.
I guess that my drive’s innovation has been upset at being conscripted for sheer labor for so long that I have a hard time backing off from goals that I once wanted that have been repeatdly prevented and disrupted.
This extended vexation has created a heavy load of angst often broiling in my system – and I was taught to not give up no matter what by my will’s strategizing.
I will soon be taking an assessment which is supposed to help me identify core talents of myself that I may have overlooked or may not even know about myself containing.
The idea is that if these are identified correctly and I learn how to implement them into my life operations, then I should have easier access to my own source of replenishment energy.
From one moment to the next, interspersed with music, writing, and versions of “reality.”
This complicated number is made out of numbers 6 and 3 and it resounds with unique brilliant energy. Angel Number 633 is a lucky and rousing one. It mirrors a character of extraordinary boldness, good nature, and a great deal of affection for the world.
Even though his actions and inactions had helped caused the problem, he did not want to nor feel it was his responsibility to be a part of the solution.
Is it the glove which warms and protects, or the hand that designs and guides the power of creativity when burgeoning as stimmying?
Do we need shelter or individuation? Calm calculation or expansive innovation?
One could harness lashing-out, defensive rage – transforming hurt passion and freeing it from its cage to fly free into the arms of a trusted lover.
The angel number 606 means in love that a stable, harmonious relationship is ideal for you. 606 is a love number that carries positive vibrations that resonate with family and romantic relationships. Seeing the 606 angel number encourages you to focus on caring for and nurturing those you love.
(Back to “taking things ‘lightly…'” – multiple meanings)
I try to not take myself too seriously – but sometimes, I get a rush of intense, intentional energy.
“I am The Catalyst: The Shield which defends against viral infections; the innoculation to humanity’s desperation. I am the water which seeks every creviced crack hidden within false foundations – and by time’s strength and will, brings down their destruction. I am that which rebirth’s Spring after Winter has rendered life dormant. I am that which elevates kings to restore Prosperity’s generations.”
Tossing and turning on an indented and cushy, sweat-dampened and wrinkley, scratchy-soft sheeted mattress, I gather the check-boxed tissue, pillows, and ages-old No.1 Rosemary Water (TM) bottle for neck decompression.
The best way to get through an inflamed lung infection is to lie on one’s belly – which they learned during Covid in the hospitals. However, this wrecks havoc on one’s neck and lower back – even while helping to ease an injured shoulder.
“Where are you – where are you? When I look for you, I can’t find you.” She cast about in the great unknown of inner space between realities.
“I am right here,” he replied from behind and to the left of her.
“Who are you? How and why do I know you? I don’t feel comfortable with any of this. I feel so filled with and covered in darkness! If I was born in the light, what am I to do with all of this!”
For the unnecessary patience expended at the waste of having to make constant corrections – if I just had a fecking reasonable keypad, I could expand my capabilities two-fold!
From movie, Only Lovers Left Alive.
I was gifted with visions of a man who wanted and loved me.
It felt wonderful, but as I travel, I calculate the improbability.
Here I am in my hooded cloak, still traveling through harsh weather, heavy wool rain-saturated – my faltering feet lifted by legs as tight as leather.
Hair bescraggled in the morning, unkempt by the night’s fitful tossing. Eyes haggard by traumas and fears – were they my own, or just what I had to hack through to find my way to you?
How is any of this attractive – given what’s marketed in media?
What man would great a skilled woman warrior and think that she could be warm and vulnerable when her face is smuged grim with firm-jawed chin and her soul is still haunted by the wounded?
A friend gifted us with a large TV monitor and our family has begun watching movies together on the big screen sometimes in the evenings.
I had not thought that it would make a difference to have and experience such a thing because I have a phone and laptop and have been careful to not indulge in the desire for more material things.
But as soon as we added the TV to our household, we could feel how we rose in status. Like many other families in America, technology in our household is now expanded.
And psychologically, it adds a bit of buffering and a feeling of warmth and security because we have a little more now than just bare-minimum basics.
Harm directly or indirectly imposed upon a person leaves an energetic and body response distortion that must be addressed in order for the “victim” to be released from longterm, reccuring negative side effects.
The best healing environment is one in which there is no judgement, only support in improving one’s positive realignment.
I do not work with distortion. That is all “evil” is – a permutation of ill will and a preference for sin.
It is important when seeking and acquiring a crystal that you find and align with those that make you feel happy, revived, and at peace.
I remember when I used to look into crystal pieces and they would shift for me, presenting clqrity and rainbow fascination.
My eyesight used to be sharp and piercing: I could read the tiny print on bottles – which now I scoff at how microscopic the printing is now that “noone on this planet” can read easily without the aid of a magnifying glass.
Oh yes, we call this the “minimum covered by businesses as their ‘due diligence.'” They are required by law too print ingredients, disclaimers, and information – but it isn’t their responsibility to ensure that consumers can read it!
Ahem.
So my planny-plan that plans-as-can I am which I do at distance in the evenings (rather than holding them in my hands and mentally obsessing) is that I will look across at a smallish white crystal sphere nearby and try to see a bit of its insides flashing me with gleaming brightness.
They make me feel happy and inspired, you see. And I am hoping that over time with this nightly practice, my eyesight will come back to me from memory’s reconnecting synapses around whatever has caused its blocking.
He is not The Great Bull everyone puts him up to be, but a man of warm feelings and flaws like you and me.
