Author: Candid Corvid Productions

Maybe I have always been ahead of the curve, instead of (as I was taught) behind it.

I want a balanced life – one where I can work, cook, and have time with my family and creativity.

I don’t want to be pushed beyond Max, anymore.

I don’t want to feel like my shirt is always untucked, my hair is mussed, or that my coat tails drag on the floor

Like an underground dweller skittering to the surface under cover of night’s fall, she stayed on the edges of humanity, crossing over an outpost’s thin line just long enough to replenish their diminished water supply.

If I still must endure, I need better terms.

I do not take the yoke easily – and it better be fulfilling in purpose.

That niggling thought, that crimp of doubt on consciousness that would make others fear and cling to a trapping situation, finally defines and causes me to break free – pushing for my will’s expansion.

When her employer refused to give an advance on hours already worked, after a year of her riding out rough times in business with him.

People say “turn to family,” but having tried that, I have found our best connection is gained at a distance.

In this way, only the love filters mostly through – and you can cut off any meant or inadvertent poisonous conjecture.

121 is a very powerful number. It is said to be the key to success, love, and happiness. The symbolic meaning of that number is also said to be miracles. The combination of energies of the numbers 1 and 2 sends messages of hope.

sarahscoop.com/angel-number-121-meaning-and-symbolism-in-numerology/#:~:text=121%20in%20Numerology,-What%20is%20this&text=121%20is%20a%20very%20powerful,2%20sends%20messages%20of%20hope.

Variables already challenging became exacerbated in ways catastrophic.

In order to overcome, we began looking at these trials as “new norms” that must be accepted.

Day 1 & 2: Body fever and every joint and muscle pain-screaming.

Day 3: Prior symptoms shifting to pulse pounding and neck tension, reeling headache.

Coughs and sinuses with occasional life-jarring sneezes and swollen, sore throat are being kept at minimum by taking zinc, vitamin C chewables so tart they’d scare anything out of your system, and other supplement strengtheners.

Still unable to get rid of the feeling of being a bug pinned to the ceiling.

I am not sure who began the movement, but women are now given messaging of both “rely on a man” and “do it yourself.”

While it is important to be self capable, it is also helpful in raising and managing family lineage if you can partner and share the load more evenly between two, rather than all on one.

I must be getting better if dizzyness is worse.

The greatest thing that vexes me in a relationship is non-collaboration, where the load to keep things together is placed fully upon me while the rest of the family follows the lead of the elder who is not cooperating.

When I think of the crazymaking experienced by conscription to that dynamic and I look at how the details in my life can get so complex suddenly and take more effort to manage, I have begun thinking, “Why would I ever want to ask a man to help with any of this?!”

A cooperative man – let alone a dynamic, positively innovative one – seems to be even more rare now than a mythical unicorn.

At some point, we must decide to be true to ourselves no matter the cost.

At least, this is the messaging I have learned from every male role model I have loved who left or deflected me.

But, let’s not be so hasty here, because the truth of it is that the message is important to be true to one’s self – just not at the expense of other peoples’ losses.

Which means that being mindful makes a person’s path something they must define and walk more carefully.

And those men who discarded me had no grace nor willingness to take the time and invest in finding real solutions.

Employer’s clients dropped during and after holidays.

Youngling’s work disrupted due to overwork injuries.

Small tax return disbursement delayed repeatedly as hit barriers to getting documents for and connecting with mandated identity proof-checking.

(All the scammers hear here is “Oo! “Free” money?”)

I catch a client’s cold after finally getting off antibiotics which had overloaded system.

Then, youngling and I catch Covid from an unknown source – blasting my inability to work further into February.

None of this has anything to do with my true capabilities, yet keeps begging the question, “Why am I trying?”

If the universe wants me to be doing my creativity and helping others through healing, it needs to be better providing!

I do not like the feeling and being so sick is mostly about enduring, lowering one’s head with shoulders hunched – and pushing up hard against it to get it lifted.

Otherwise, I’d just be flailing in a tantrum – and I don’t need further reduction of personal dignity.

It doesn’t even matter what anyone else thinks anymore because I can’t even control my own life situations. How can I worry about influencing others?

All I can keep doing is trying my best, resting when I can’t, and getting back to tasks – even if success seems a dimmer hope than looming failure.

I really am an air sign, above all of my ecclectic qualities, for I love to fly above the world, land, and visit.

Maybe I have just been grounded in the muck so much that I feel such a desperate need to aim high, leap, and just keep going.

But what I truly crave and need is a good balance because I also love spending time with my family and gardening.

It is difficult to feel on the right track when the most noticeable stimulation is negative feedback.

Maybe it would not have been so bad, but I had a full body adjustment after unknown ecposure which let the virus get into every space of my system.

Oof! Tonight I tested positive.

I knew it wasn’t just a cold: two days of being on fire with every nerve screaming.

It irritates me vastly that this required time off cannot be used productively.

The feeling of being sabotaged pervades everything.

Summertime in San Francisco was more innocently alluring because the more hardcore locals were traveling.

Leaving California and finding a place where other people appreciate natural beauty and have good fundamental values has been a needed life reprieve.

(Title multiple meanings)

My family lineage has a history at fighting against confinement.

(Title Star Wars reference)

Yin and Yang

“Body, flesh, and bone.

The sky above and the earth below”

(Qiotes: The Summoning by Sleep Token)

A way of survival – but not a way of truly living.

Could also be seen as self investigation.

I mean, afterall, it is completely up to me to rootkit what has conscripted my programming.

Trauma keeps trying to become – but IS NOT my identity.

Well, yeah…I have one.

By now, it should be obvious.

(Lol)

Born gentle as a light bringer to love and heal – turned dark and determined to beat back hell’s demons.

Force of impact by blasts of rage is all that ever burst open locked cellar hatches blocking her rise to ascension.

It is here where being nice gets you nowhere.

She could not reconsile the vast, horrendous difference between her life’s work of positive, mindful intention – and the truth of what eventually happened by the works of another’s undermining hand

Sometimes, I hate that I am one of the first.

It is f-ing painful and lonely out here.

What the f*** do I need to do to heal and get to where I need to go?

Suffering can be a part of life – but life is not about suffering!

Maybe I need to find a niche support group.

The body assaulted by virus and pain throughout every inch of crisis territory dives deep into oblivion, waiting for the chance to get back out into fresh air, help other people heal, and generate income again.

Is it better to have an empty head, having captured and written down thoughts – or to have a head bustling full of them, competing for notice?

The way a person adapts and evolves is important to me.

One must fill it with their self to become properly identified.

She had to break off scenes from her memory and cast them out to sea so that they no longer plagued her.