Author: Candid Corvid Productions

She had a hard time reconciling what had happened.

She understood the factors that had put her in this position.

Her wings felt too bound around her body by the situation.

Allowing someone to have any power over her was not what she wanted.

Memories, momentos, and reminiscence.

I don’t want them inside, cluttering – but the garage is damp.

Unsolicited and deflected, it just isn’t fair that I got dragged into their union.

It takes at the very least false bravado – and a leap of faith into the unknown, whether or not one believes in The Creater – to leave any predefined comfort zone.

Intimacy is dead-end hollow.

“You have no idea what I have been through. See, this is why I was just going to leave quietly and send you a simple email – I don’t like getting this upset!”

She was shaking uncontrollably, trying to reclaim her composure, and afraid to still be there.

“But this happens,” he stated with acceptance, trying to help calm her. ” I haven’t fired you. How are you going to make it without this job?”

“I am used to surviving on my own. I will figure it out – like I have always had to…wait a minute. Are you saying that you want to work this out?” she tried hard to absorb this.

He nodded his head, while opening his hands, and emphasized, “Well…Yes!”

Her emotions swirled inside of her in her confusion as she struggled to make sense of the situation.

“Can we schedule a time when we can speak more about this?” she asked, needing to get ready for her clients.

” I would like that,” he said.

They set the date for further discussion.

Usually, even with severe challenges, I am bold and brave walking into the unknown.

Well – at least, I do my best to hide my quivering.

So, choosing to rely on other people is very new to me.

With it comes a new form of anxious insecurity.

It had become my “normal” habit to go it alone.

Conceived around 1947–48, while the composer was working on Sonatas and Interludes, 4′33″ became for Cage the epitome of his idea that any auditory experience may constitute music. It was also a reflection of the influence of Zen Buddhism, which Cage had studied since the late 1940s.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org › wiki

4′33 – Wikipedia

It really irks me to just walk away.

That’s not the usual way I play.

Projects and goals that have kept me climbing mountains – only to keep sliding down from that final face’s slip-treachery – are things that I guess I must just walk away from.

Add a little 5-string bass and keyboard training, with a splash of learning how to transpose my songs into sight reading.

First lesson date acquired!

Man, I got some swag – and it comes out when I reconnect with other musicians.

I know what it means to be hip – so don’t trip!

We’re all just tryin’ to get along, here.

Maybe I will also pick up that learning accents class.

At least here, the doors are opening to be allowed to finish my Teaching English To Foreign Learners training.

Some things are just not worth trying for, anymore.

“For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors, and laugh at them in our turn? “

Elizabeth’s father, Pride And Prejudice, A&E version

This year, an agency sent some funding to help toward my ability to finish my Bachelor’s degree.

It was like a godsend, for finances were a major barrier to finishing my remaining 12 units.

Another bout of external-circumstantialy-enforced homelessness delayed my attendance, and though people at the school knew I was fighting to return, one department did not step up to support me.

I found out, now that I have benn planning to attend online in January, that student accounts  returned the money to the agency – without asking or informing me.

Goodbye Bachelor’s dream and the supposed relief that comes when from your promised, societally-approved help to lift me above the world’s economic barriers.

It is a good thing I have learned – as I keep learning from new ways of having my nose shoved into the sh** and dragged back and forth – to not depend on anything that I am told can be mine by ascribing to dictates of society.

Some people are given it while others work hard to earn it.

Just making ends barely meet by pushing efforts to roll the heavy boulder up the hill – to have it fall back to square one. I guess this is the thrill?

Slowing my pace while removing myself from conflict allows others to think about a given situation and step up to the plate to express their own tendencies.

I am trying to repurpose proactive attention into ready and alert waiting for good timing to best respond to others’ choices and behaviors.

I am more effective.

I think that the ideal of having a good job from an employer is now becoming completely overshadowed by the continuance of opposite experiences. Perhaps it is best to be independent.

When speaking openly with honor consistently, it seems a theme that eventually other people may become jealous, feel threatened, and/or attempt to sabotage well-built relationships.

They can go only so far as each involved party puts energy toward them.

It gives me great anxiety if I am in need because being in need is not necessarily seen as a respected position of authority.

However, if accompanied by the proper positive perspective, one can present their case well and gain supportive assistance.

Daring to retrieve one’s faith which became bound by a matrix of nonbelievers.

Why do I need people who don’t need me?

An archaic term these days.

I have it, but I do not flaunt it.

I was attracted to the fine-looking officer because I thought maybe as a warrior, he could relate.

But it seems that men just want plasticized arm candy for their extended dates.