Author: Candid Corvid Productions

“Fu** You!” she railed at the angels. “How dare you attach my heart to yet another who isn’t mine!”

The angels knew that she had become fragmented and feared for her very soul. Thus, they sent her images of a lover who’d woo her, recognizing that on her path to find him, they’d have time to help her essence reform.

Was it truth that they had crafted – or a lie as some think would be worthy? She often worried about and pondered this, fearing some snap-back when she’d come to the end of this journey.

I remember there were times that the life ran out of me.

No joy.

No hope.

No striving.

I never want to experience that again.

Not for a day.

Not even for a second.

Ever.

This is where I can drive straight “home,” do the unwinding details, and shut down.

Really – I can do that?

I keep forgetting this is an option…

Riding my mother’s tall bicycle with no hands, unless toting my little sister in the seat behind me to the marketplace; coasting down the mainstreet pathways that led away from Alum Rock Park in San Jose; running cross-country in those sulpher mountain cliff-climb windings; dreaming of becoming a raptor rehabilitator- and of a life beyond abuses in captivity.

Even if an idea is the right idea for the right people, if those people are resistant and do not want it – well, that’s its own knot to untangle.

The cats yowling incessantly every cotton-picking split-second is drivimg my calm into insanity!

I think about this song, “Let’s Go,” and remember the kids and I forging our new path of self reclaiming 2011-2012 while listening to it on the radio, driving along Morro Bay and Cayucos coastlines on Highway 1 during Monarch migrations, and going North along 101 for a concert in San Francisco.

The message then is the same now and I can feel it today, permeating my bones strongly. It feels like nothing has really changed, although much has technically been accomplished. We are just farther along on our journies.

“As the person who resonates with Angel Number 855 you are truthful, honest, an authority figure, adventurous, fun-loving, and versatile.”

http://www.mindyourbodysoul.com

They say, “Ignorance is bliss…”

Just because it’s common place
To sell with lies and then deface

Does not condone these actions
As you cheat in the human race.

She worked to reclaim her lost years by reinvention.

She loved numbers that made sense to her.

When she tried to block this new love from her heart, she could feel his pain – magnifying hers.

She didn’t understand what was happening, for on the surface, his feelings for her were disowned.

She finally allowed herself to have a hard time believing in obtaining a relationship “happily ever after.”

From all of the “idiots” she had had to deal with, she no longer was certain she’d find a good man with enough sense to keep her.

It is one thing to have felt disrupted, but another to realize how much the disruption has affected.

When a crow is thinking or agitated, it will do a quick twitch-shuffle movement with its wings as they are folded while it walks. Perhaps this action keeps it on the ready to respond.

I prefer a direct approach, which is actually quite new to me. It is surprising how people sometimes subtly cringe when I ask them something important without disguising. It is as if they have suddenly become exposed to the sun, after dwelling too long in darkness – and yet, they then eagerly rise to greet the opportunity of sharing truth.

What does one believe in when Maslow’s – the societal invention for “normalcy” – is repeatedly stripped of its relevancy?

It was his choice to leave that first made us homeless.

Now, it is our choice again to hold out for a better arrangement.

Why have those dreams?

Why have sent her those messages?

It had all turned into another great illusion in which she could gain no traction!

I do not want to have to keep processing that which I keep having to process.

I am just tired of continually having my face pressed into it.

“LOOK AT IT!”

Pfft…

What can I do in any direction which will yield the results that I desire?

I have been so busy jumping between work and daily survival requirements that I just last night finally got our mailing address forwarded!

Trying to have supplies in the room so that we can function properly has made an overstim obstacle course to where we cannot function properly.

I felt good about myself – until my investments in others did not pan out.

Being an isolationist has become a necessity, rather than a preference.

Pulling into the self, seeking where no longer entangled by attachment to the unobtainable.

There is no going back, only forward.

The feel again of having their father drive and help coordinate briefly allowed me to reexperience the support that comes from a family having two parents – rather than just one forging a new path for its remnants.