Like a golem from Piers Anthony’s Blue Adept series, daily movements clunk along predefined trajectories – and I ache to break free of this containment.
Author: Candid Corvid Productions
- Creative Creations for Clever Minds! -
Worn Thin
I had a vision of you by my side in a public garden winding in London.
You stood in front of me while I was on the phone with my ex, being pulled at by the past while leaning into the future…
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She could feel his impatience and worry to have her fully in this life with him, and she could relate because he was still tied up in ending it with his girlfriend.
She reached out while still on the phone and took his strong, warm hand, pulling him close to sit beside her.
She brought his hand up to her face, resting her cheek against it and then kissed it, marveling at its smooth texture.
Holdiing him like this for a moment, the call was finished and she turned to look up at him, her eyes smiling in wonder at the restored joy being in his presence brought to her.
His eyes softened as he watched the changes move over her: from one moment of broken down weariness to now returning, fatigued youthfulness.
He could never get enough of watching the seasons play across her, and of the vibrance burning inside that always found a way to return to him.
“Base Camp”
Operations are up and running…
For A Moment
In the muted light of the curtained hotel room, I explore supplement possibilities, try one released into warm molasses tea, and decide its smell is not for me.
Nature’s Path Organic Pumpkin Seed And Flax Granola accompanies in macadamia nut milk, and I realize that for a moment nothing is pressuring immediacy.
Lemon balm tea with a lavish amount of honey claims it will soothe digestion and neurology.
I experience what it feels like to be, simply.
“How I Feel”
Stripped with one leaf left, as new leaves are valiantly growing. This is the ficus I bought 4 years ago when living a summer out of my car, searching for our new home. Funny how thematics continue, and this tyke keeps weathering the journey. A sign of hope – dangerous to cling to were it to give up on me. A reflection of my link with nature, and its endurant encouraging.
“The Wild Hunt”
(Broken Belief – Bob Moses)
(Higher Ground – Stevie Wonder)
Trauma Drama
I just want to get away from it and never have to deal with it again.
It isn’t mine, even though past remnants get triggered.
I belong in the sunshade of a gentle tree, at one with the wind.
What A Word!
Victimization
Look at the shape of it.
It has teeth like a vampire’s piercing.
Claws and spikes like a jagged blade’s poisoning.
It sits compressed tight upon itself like a rabid snake ready to strike.
It menacingly contemplates while its violent virus seethes in its own machinations.
Victimization
Unwilling to play a part in it and wanting to avoid – yet, being forced and dragged into it.
Where I’ve Come From
It is not a good place.
It is a place which passed by Grace so that you could get a taste of it – and weep for its ending.
The Hotel Scene
Hearing a man and woman in the back parking lot having an altercation and it sounding like the woman is being dragged away, screaming.
It is an horrible and infectious situation.
The trauma seeps into patrons’ windows, causing others’ to have reactions – arguing heatedly, as their own past traumas are triggered, over whether or not they could have done anything.
“You’re My Own Exception,” From Movie He’s Just Not That Into You
“Lush”
“Under The Bridge”
That Old “Parental” Saying
“You get what you get – and you don’t pitch a fit!”
Time And Place
It wasn’t that now she had to do these things.
It was that now she had the freedom to.
(Forever Young – Alphaville)
(Happy – Pharell Williams)
I Told The Tree
“Who cares about their neglect? Grow anyway. Thrive.”
Dedicated To James (Smells Like Teen Spirit – Nirvana)
“This Evening’s Fortune”
Is that the improvement or struggle that shows?
Both – Hahaha!
(Under Pressure – Queen)
“Laundromat”
See the half moon reflected?
Movie Johnny Mnemonic: NAS
Grandfather
He could have helped her. He could have taught her when she had asked repeatedly, and she would have avoided life’s struggling.
Money Is Power
I am not speaking of status or types of corruption.
Just that having it gives you a right to thrive and prosper.
“Peeking Planet”
Is It “Sad?”
I play with the numbers for my amusement.
Strange Things
Passing strangers, alert and traveling or stumbling by more long-term, reumy-eyed and fumbling, give greetings, try to ignore, or come too close to space invading.
Pee-saturated remnant grasses reek in summer’s hot blasts where the broil of rotting garbage containers pungeanate, and I wonder – exactly a year later – how we are here, again.
(2 Die 4 – Tove Lo)
Yes, for love of a tree…lol
An Article I Am Writing
There’s a tree on (nth) street that is dying.
I passed under it one day while walking between my parked car and the moving truck I was renting one hot day in July this year.
It’s lush, green leaves were beginning to curl inward and I got the sense that it was struggling more than it should be in this kind of hot weather, being as it was many years successfully established with a lovely array of limbs arching.
It seemed to me that it needed water badly, and it turned out that landscapers had recently removed the weed roots that used to cover its own roots (likely goring its top feeder roots in the process) and then moisture-sucking “bark” was spread all over the now stripped dirt’s surface.
I kept having to walk past it throughout the month while moving slowly from my apartment, and I began to water it a little about every other evening to try to give it a boost if hydration.
Sometimes, when I had finished pouring three to four gallons of water evenly in a easy ring around its roots, the wind would suddenly pick up and the tree’s branches and leaves would rustle – as if it or the wind itself were thanking me.
The day came when at last I was finished moving and I asked the shop employees at the three shops nearesr it if they could inform their employers and take over giving the tree more water that it needed to ensure its recovery.
One shop furmly refused; another shop’s employee listened, bemused and barely responsive; and the one directly in front’s desk reo humored me by coming out to see – but apparently, no one has done much of anything.
Nature seems to be an asset, only when it self redeems.
So I kept going by occasionally after hours, still trying to give it at least “sips” of water to keep going and get through summer, even though its leaves began steadily declining.
And now, tbis evening of September 3rd on the half moon when fall should soon be approaching with the promise of much needed rain, the tree’s leaves are beginning to brown in its life’s retreat as they whither in defeat.
And I ask the community: is it just so easy to let a life go, fleeting?
(It is positioned between the street and sidewalk, so I think technically it falls under public domain.)
Two Of Me
You still wouldn’t know the vast depths of my caring, even if met the healing clinic version.
The Tree Is Dying
I had asked the auto places around it to care enough to help save it, but I am pretty sure by its wilting and drying that it has just been me.
The grief at its ebbing comes up thick and choking.
(Landslide – Dixie Chicks)
“If Only”
1001
From the beginning, to the end – to the end of the end, back to the beginning.
Acknowledging
I let the song express the emotions for me.
I cannot afford the energy expenditure, nor the cbemical saturation in my brain that comes with expressing grieving.
I Hate The Grind
Of being on the edge of losing everything. Of asking the gas station for water to help the tree. Of being told to live out of my car to qualify. Of waiting for the tide to turn for or more against me.
For when you are ousted from your home due to another person’s merely personally preferential proclivities, getting back into a realm of security in this economy is much harder than it seems or should be.
(Drop Of Sorrow – Mario M)
Just Stopping
Pushing hard to reach new levels requires pausing and taking time to address emotions.
“Bridgeway”
“Half Moon”
Here Or There?
When I wanted to, you were not there.
If you wanted to, would you show care?
Existentialism
A popular term is “existential crisis,” but what is really going on is a deeper evaluation beyond face values that we have been taught to adhere to.
Public Opinion
Is it better to be more one’s true self or to propagate ideals confounding?
Seasons
The same songs and feelings circulate depending upon what’s occurring in different circumstantial regions. I am always trying to improve my life, but generally have the same reasons.
Saving Grace
Loneliness can drive a person to settle for less than what they believe.
Should I wait another life’s time – and possibly more – for you to recognize me?
Extreme frustration and railing at the waste makes me want to pound a tree.
Having been with people who did not appreciate my worth – at least now I can learn to shrug off that baggage.
But I ache to know what we can be if we brave shrugging off ego’s insanity.
Beyond Risk
Being with him was a concept I was definitely open to.
Not because of his status, but because of what within him had driven him to be there.
But, I freaked out and made a fool of myself.
Duress does not suit well like a well-tailored dress.
I guess I was just afraid that our story would play out to where he wouldn’t be capable of being as strong as I have been.
And if we were going to be in the public eye, I didn’t want to have my resultant grief laid wide open for people to stick their fingers in it.
I got ahead of myself, playing out a tangent of possibility according to past negative trends.
It was because he was so important to me – and for once I realized that I needed to be as equally, if not more so, important to him.
Yet, what was his fault was that he did not reach across the space and time divide to show me how these fences can mend.
That had been in the second dream, you see.
In that one, he helped me fix my family’s gate along a forest lane, and told me that he loved me.
