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“Reclining Duchess And Her Petitioners”
Author: Candid Corvid Productions
- Creative Creations for Clever Minds! -
“Petitioners”
“Reclining Duchess”
Growing Pains
I get impatient and caustic with myself – as if I am to blame for what has been done to me. It is vexing to be operating at only partial capacity.
I should be happy and satisfied by how much I have accessed and utilized; of how mindful and attentive I have been in all things; of how much I have created against such odds.
But society – and unfortunately, available “life mates” – have been brainwashed to disregard the greatness of such accomplishments.
And if a prime directive within me is to claim love for fulfilling my destiny, well…the options and opportunities available do not seem favorable.
I am not like any of the other candidates: there’s been a glitch in my system.
I am proud of it at times, but I am still learning to own it – and I must defend, not trade it in for a pipe dream.
Delayed Emergence
There is danger in reunifying pieces of a rifted consciousness, for in doing so, each may suddenly download an onslought of past sensate-emotional experiences that the other aspects have no seemless ability to process.
The concept being that a once-unified identity having taken many head-shot blasts is barely clinging to sense of its own defining. If pieces just rejoin willy-nilly, there’s apt to be a lot of pain with uncontrolled screaming.
Kicking At The Waves
Soul Mates, Twin Flames, Love Matches – it was all a game for thought’s mainframe to become haywired!
The reality she faced was bachelorette loneliness drinking cool replenishment of thick mango juice straight from the fridge and warmed-up leftover Chipotle remnants.
Responsibilities of ensuring the plants, humans, animals, and stuff all had a place to be during the next bridging transition was not “attractive.”
Guys wanted those plastic, simpering doll faces that changed their appearances every day to keep their inner thighs elastic!
Alien-nation
As the so much younger man went on with manic stars in his eyes, he spoke of his dream of feeling inclusiveness at his own wedding, where the men separated from the women, and each gender had their own party after the initial ceremony of life union.
He spoke of family and community rebonding that was shared and magnified at such events: how the brides were dressed beautifully and revered; how there was dancing and so much laughter; how a money tree was lavished upon for the honeymooners to enjoy and have solid financial footing for the start of their journey.
And the more he spoke of his desire to ride sitting high on the top crest of a convertible’s back seating, smiling and waving while the caravan of beeping ceremony attendants wove their ways through shouting, happy responses from downtown anonymous well-wishers, the more her heart became burdened.
Every aspect he mentioned by default was excluding her: she was older, unknown, and a foreigner. She would be seen as a “cradle-robbing interloper” depriving one of their younger daughters of the opportunity. In fact, hadn’t she already been married and had a family?
As the immaturity of his youth’s doubt tore apart her maturity’s valid worth in standing, heavy shame was cast over her heart’s connection with him, cutting her off from the source of love’s joy and prosperity – relegating her to the view of a sallow future frought with others’ biased judgments and consternations.
Love’s Truth
I know you like I know the back of my own hand; like I know a cool summer breeze’s kiss after the heat’s brand; like I know the will of time continues to withstand. And yet, you still remain a mystery.
Mismatched Agendas
They wanted to assert themselves while folding into what others made of them.
She realized that there was no sanctuary in being a puppet for narcisism’s training.
(Nanox – Singularity)
(Inner Space – Apex)
Master Plan
I have been designing a schedule that will accomodate work traveling. My goal is to collaborate with people who have altruistic tendencies and that have the power to help me propagate my therapy’s benefits.
Principle
I stick with something that is worth investment – even if it doesn’t pay out monetarily.
The Exchange
As the little girl lay on her back, terrified and frozen into catatonia, she cast wide and delved deep into her imagination, projecting hard and calling the woman warrior she would someday become to arrive and protect her spirit.
In the realm of the unseen, two phases of mind crossed time’s boundaries and she was given the strength to endure, though the fortification jarred her out of being able to act naturally as a child again.
Through the years and layers of assault as she grew, she’d come back to consciousness of herself after enforced hypnosis and periods of waking coma, feeling as if pieces of her were still missing.
Until one day after she matured beyond half of a century, the older her turned to look backward and opened her arms to welcome the child self who had escaped through that first portal to reunite with her.
(Forevermore – Yuna)
Out Of Breath
She was not sure she’d make it:
Lately she felt like she was dying.
There are only so many times that
A life can go through same traumas.
It felt like she couldn’t keep up the fight:
She was too bone weary from struggling.
The numbers kept advising her to pray,
But she didn’t really understand how to –
And every poser presenting truth’s ritual
Had been found flawed in their character.
Waking Nightmares
Knowing she was edging up close again to the abyss and remembering how hard it was the last times, she could not look away and could feel the pull of its gravity – but began fighting hypnosis to recognize that this time was not the same as then.
(In The Twilight – Phalaeh)
Unobtainable
She began to suspect she had a penchant for desiring that which was.
(Fun with multiple meanings…)
(Save The World – Swedish House Mafia – Zedd Remix)
“Idalia”
“Dancing Dragon”
“Cascade”
(Let The Sky Fall Down – Mr. FijiWiji)
The Great Divide
To walk a unique path means that you do not match others nor fit predefinitions.
It can mean you are at risk for not belonging and may even experience repeated homelessness.
It can also bring great rewards because you might be a groundbreaking innovator.
It’s just a matter of time before the pendulum swings your way after long and arduous journeys.
I am ready and waiting for such positive yield that’s been debating.
Autonomy
I prize collaborations where I have space to contribute my way.
Disbandment
The cats must go there.
The plants must go there.
Our stuff must go there.
We and the dogs go there.
Floating like rif-taf on the sea.
(If I Could Be Where You Are – Enya)
Avoiding Disaster
I take risks in writing here, unsure what other people will think of me.
Doing so provides a sense of comfort in that I am chronicling my growth and striving so that I can see and acknowledge my efforts – yet, it also adds a unique level of anxiety which I must make sure balances to gain by benefits.
I also write here because I never want to again experience a lifetime invested relationship that just gets corrupted and crumbles into nothing.
Entropy was allowed to win over truth and light’s decree: to avoid this, my partner must better know me.
Instinctual Memory
Being on campus for receiving physical therapy, it strikes me how close I am to such parallel realities which could see me back in school again, further pursuing dreams.
But, to cross over into these scenes requires that the rewards must be greater than the efforts – as I just cannot afford to misplace my time and energy to any growth that is less than worthy.
Recalibrating
There is an ageist belief that at 50 the body just begins breaking down, heading toward decay.
But, I do not think this is what is going on with me: it’s more like battle-weary muscle torsions and chemicals still carried in the system are weighing on me.
If I can figure out how to get a clear path of integral internal smooth functioning again, I believe the rest of a needed purge will just follow.
It takes an understanding of what brought me to this condition, and a willingness to let go of it – to the point of adapting my internal matrices.
Self Redefining
Some people have “their ducks in a row,” yet I find that I am still finding my way.
Paradigm Shift
I will find the exceptions:
I am going to be The One
Despite negativity’s evidence
Begging to maintain attention.
I do not need to get into wars, anymore:
It’s time to merge dark and light into one.
I must surround myself with the influences
Where positivity wins before strife’s begun.
The State Of Things
I was sharing with a fellow professional how it feels like my life is one of disparity, where I give good to others externally but am sloshing about through the bad, personally.
She told me that she has been hearing this as a common theme recently from many others who give so much to society.
She blamed it on “late stage Capitalism,” but worldwide there is much of this same tyranny where healthcare providers cannot afford nor obtain housing stability.
(Trade It For The Night – HAEVN)
Connections
Her imagination was readily sparked by the light within others, and when she recognized a kindred heart, it was difficult for her emotions to not start questing.
Maybe this time around, she should just focus on building friendships and do her best to avoid that internal dialogue.
It would be a new experience to have many.
“Purple Fringe”
Higher Love
She must not let herself settle for a man still entrapped in the baser needs: she needed one to compliment her passion for life’s complex synergies.
Apothecary
What we see as tasks to accomplish end up being greater elements toward an imagined future becoming manifest reality. I would just like the processes themselves to be more interesting – rather than the usual grind of billing and physical labor.
The Wormhole
What she wanted and aimed for kept getting diverted by circumstancial currents redirecting her focus toward tasks in other directions which gave illusory promise of better stability – but in the interim served as continual disruption propelling her through realms into the unknown.
(The Last Worthless Evening – Don Henley)
(In My Mind – Dynoro & Gigi D’ Agostino)
Child Mind
Why did she revert to this at the end of every day?
Was it that limited energy was already given away?
For being attentively attuned with muscle cells
Ensured complex healing in sessions went well.
Behind The Mask
Underneath the mask, there is love and pain: a feeling of great deficit; an unwillingness to sacrifice others to reclaim the gain.
It’s important that those I love know that I love them, even though we have these difficulties.
I know that partially it’s because they’re younger and I have at least twenty years of prior processing.
It’d be great if we could meet in the middle and see each other eye to eye, instead of mismatched elevation where you think I’m looking down on you as a spy (chuckle).
It’s hard being the wiser when my emotions just want to sob – but if I let them go unchecked, they would just add momentum to the emotional mob.
It takes a lot of strength to stand my own ground, to not fall apart, to not scramble gibbling around.
Gabbering could be another word where you’re just blubbering for being branded with imaginary sins.
Having been the recipient of victimization when much younger, if one knew me, they knew that I would never begin.
For souls deserve to be unfettered by the burdens of hardship and harm.
And though I’m flawed, it’s my priority that this kind of decree should be law.
Between The Scenes
Being a conscientious soul is not easy, especially when having such empathy.
I guess the average person is not mindful to the capacity of being careful with other people’s tender needs.
Actions can be misconstrued: projections can be volatile when self projection is triggered – especially when people are under the influence of chemicals.
It doens’t get easier when trust is taken away, especially if one hasn’t deserved it to quite the level that others feel has been portrayed.
Portrayed is specifically the word I used.
People are afraid of betrayal, so they become self protective.
But, in so doing can cause betrayal of a person’s heart that is open.
“This Evening’s Fortune”
Without A Clue
Having reached for, held onto, nourished, and tended love – only to have it slip through her fingers like grains of sand again and again: she no longer knew how best to pursue it.
“Sweet Peas”
“Silly Signs”
“Last Sliver”
