That I should avoid influences
But you made it impossible to
So tell me now, love
Where’s our reward?
That I should avoid influences
But you made it impossible to
So tell me now, love
Where’s our reward?
(Multilevel sobs)
“I have been trying to figure out why my several, strong attempts to stop my flipping fall head first into the shower wall that Friday night failed and, instead, resulted in increasing momentum each time gripping moist hands hit the wall.
Usually, fiberglass-like plastic will have a dry squeek traction that one can engage with once out of the direct water’s flow – even with damp hands.
But, instead, a sequence of expounded upon slippery compounding effects resulted, assuring my impacting doom.
Then, yesterday, a friend reminded me that the cleanser used in hotel bathrooms is a spray that they wipe over the surfaces and never have time to rinse off.
I remember this being true from my own past experiences of when I briefly tried working in different hotels, but did not take the jobs because it was a thematic that management expects cleaners to cut corners for quick room turnovers.
So layers of this spray accumulate, and with no traction provided on the tub floor or bars on the wall for maintaining stability, the situation is a ticking time bomb scenario for an accident to happen.
I also noticed after being moved to a room with bars in the bathroom after the accident that those shower walls were also flexible.
So, great…
Flexible walls saved my life by providing some bounce to my head and shoulder impacts – instead of cracking with force into a hard surface – but slickery walls without bars was a set up to cause someone damage in the first place.
And I just happened to get the ‘luck of the draw’ that evening.”
“Fresh damage from the shower accident.”
In this quiet, we belong to each other
Yet in the ‘real world,’ we are far apart
Until I feel you then, too, permeating
What madness pervades my senses
Causing such desires blooming
Without ability to touch you?
Teach me your desires so that
I may give you what you need
Freeing you from anguish
So we both may fully feed
“I am supposed to be soul-vibrating in love’s frequencies.”
(10:13 AM)
An agent of deliberate intentions.
(10:11 AM)
“It is a ‘Hallmark’ of an accomodator to try to make things easier for others.”
“I know we think that it is perhaps safer to keep things the way that they have always been – but this is because we are afraid to be vulnerable in order to receive and give.”
“I must know that I am good enough – even though I do not feel that I am good enough.
It is harsh to keep having what few externals that I had felt proud of exhibiting being taken away.”
She had loved being able to breathe in his scent, and had forgotten that that was an essential element in bonding relationships.
—-
(Neurofeedback altered states internal experience as if in a waking drean)
Repost from November 2022
“Dependent upon help from society.
Remember how I’ve been consigned for ages as an outlier?
Well the side benefit of this was my autonomy and independence!
My pride and self manifestation!”
Look at me now
See my suffering
Did I truly do something wrong to
Deserve my beloved’s distancing?
See how it turns me inside out &
How I try to redirect to creating
You and I are not so different
Caught in the wakes of losses
Therefore, let my pain
Absolve your suffering
The guilt you felt and feel
Let my regard forgive you
Awaken, my love &
Accept being loved
We are both broken so
Let’s start the mending
What is mine?
What can I ask for?
What can I demand?
What is inviolate?
“To everyone who follows and/or gives likes, thank you for your interest and support.”
“Was it you who saved me years ago – not ‘Alex,’ afterall?”