She assumed that with her injuries, age, and poverty, that she would not be seen as “worthy.”
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The Count Down
“5:55, 6:44, 7:33, 8:22…
What’s going on?
Why can’t I sleep?”
Wild Magic
“I haven’t had my hair long since when I was a very young child – and I wonder if like Samson’s it holds power.”
Elden Proverb
Beware of the dream that you can run away from
Because maybe what’s driving you to shouldn’t
Forces Of Nature
Why did there have to be so much cacophonously loud and startling sudden noises so early in the morning that bombarded and shocked through her entire system when she just needed to sleep for injury repairing?!
She decided to imagine it all as thunder and lightening between loud door slamming booms, pounding feet stomping, and sharp crash-grating of the pet gates swinging – literally raining cats and dogs once they would also start emitting.
Remember When?
“If we were lucky, someone would come by on horseback and ask if we had any mail to send?
Remember when we had to travel great distance through weather to town if we didn’t have this option?
And then, that letter had higher chances of getting lost or interfered with?
So why, now – with the internet and phone networks allowing us to reach each other in less than a minute in nearly any part of the world – is it even harder to directly communicate?”
Welcome Us
Come back to me, Baby.
Say that it’s not too late –
Say it’s never too late
For a love true as ours
I’ve been traveling through time
Stuck in so many gray life lines
Jumping through death’s door
Followimg light to even score
Tell me we’re not too young or old
To know what grace is given to us
There Must Have Been
Invisible tape on her car door, over her mouth, and binding her limbs.
She wanted to go back and rip it all off.
Jump through that portal that had suddenly opened and be with him.
But that was then…
A critically important moment – for just a moment.
No heads up to prepare.
No warning on time limits.
No power to command herself appropriately for the occasion.
More Than Anything
Where had her ambiversion gone?!
Fled – it had fled the scene as if the sheriff had arrived suddenly with a warrant for its arrest.
Why hadn’t she just gotten out of her car and called out after him – like she could playfully engage a stranger if something was very important?
Because that’s not how her spontaneous forwardness worked.
It hid behind the scenes, carefully and subconsciously sensing, tracking, and observing.
At distance of safety.
Until the right moment opened, and she practically slid through the door seemlessly with something cheerful or supportive to share, inquire, or convey.
Outside – then in and out.
This is how it was always displayed.
Brief moments of solid connection – then on her way again, dancing between danger’s poles, seeking fleeting patches of safety.
So when he appeared, that challenged everything.
And if he didn’t want her truely, it would have been soul crushing.
So she waited, frozen in place…
Hoping that he would signal to her clearly that it was ok to confide with him.
(The Doorway – RocketBass Music)
Dearest,
(Love Like Fireflies · Jumpwood)
Saying “I Love You,” First
I Play The Part
Struts
“After attempting more cleaning yesterday and then resting, getting up in the middle of the night finds me feeling a “V” shape of vector pain tip upward into arches of my feet into bottom of inner ankle – especially left where I put more weight.
This is from flexing while vacuuming and mopping slowly and carefully in a hunch-slump to protect my neck and distribute force across shoulder, hip, and back joints without over-engaging arms and legs.
So, basically, I pivot-rocked much over my feet, which were originally blasted in the car accident from pressing hard against brake and foot rest when the other car’s firce went through my body and legs from back to front of me out my feet, etc.
My feet have been “rolling” and phillage bone tendons turning on and off randomly when walking since then – which when combined with leg and above muscles and joints doing the same thing, makes walking a wholey different glide-managing-not-to-stumble mix-matched conundrum ride.
But this “V” sharp pain with numb throbbing distribution, though painful and weird-feeling, is new – suggesting that my arch curve tensility is at last beginning to redefine itself!”
(Broken – Sickick)
Frontal Lobe
“‘Oh – the humanity!'”
(No Games – Sickick)
“The Book Of Love” – October 8, 2025 – Song by Peter Gabriel, End of Sleep Token Concert.
Mama’s Warrior
(Generate – Eric Prydz)
(Function – Oscilloscope Music)
(High Roller – The Crystal Method)
Dear Friend,
I paused running to you because
I needed time to get to know you
I didn’t want to trip and falter
Giving you wrong impressions
I wanted you for real connection
Yet couldn’t control my emotions
You looked so good and gave me that smile
It tipped my center – disrupting composure
(I Grieve – Peter Gabriel)
Every Penny Of It
The Little Things
Bonding
Healing Concussion
“Well, first you’ve gotta get the neck to restabilize…”
Welcoming
Too many demons encroach
Sharpening knives, drooling
So I must clap my hands firmly
Demanding table set with feast
So that we may eat in harmony
Rather than try to kill each other
(Where Lights Begin To Fade – ECHOES)
Nothing Left
There’s no more hope
No more aspirations
Folding inward I can
Only have curiosity
Navigating
Where I may
Love In Anger
On The Edge
“My children try to encourage, unable to support as I keep holding to support them.
Individuals from community agencies try to help when I weakly, but determined, extend my hand.
I don’t know how much farther I can go with this concussion and retorn wounds preventing my reclaiming land.
My moments are reduced where I can make a stand.”
There Are Many Factors
“As to why my heart is under compression and my vagus nerve twitches on edge.”
KNOCK IT OFF!
“I fecking live in a kennel!”
—
(Yelling at all of the dogs and cats going off without stopping…)
Thinking I Fight Alone
Heart’s Energy
My Heart
Lives in fear
Compressed
Little room
In my chest
No reprieve
From worry
Strained
To hurry
Insecure about
Who it can trust
Wants to pound
In releasing lust
Finding safe haven
Sync with another
Warm arms
Under cover
No More Wasted Days & Nights
She didn’t want to have dreams where past ex’s insinuated their selves back into her life, taking up space just to keep her from being seen as available to the man that she truely wanted to be with.
All that stuff – all those moments from the past were at best half-borrowed because none of it from any of them had been fully meant.
No…
Yes…
Give her the real thing.
She wanted the man that throughout time she would never be forced to forget nor regret.
I Don’t Know
When
Or how
