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Already Lost And Won – Faller Music
Internal Wounding
Like sticky black taffy tar clogging where life’s vital blood should circulate freely, infection from others’ betrayals against love’s purity still encumbered her.
(Way down We Go · KALEO)
Cracked Hull
As a crew member, she tried to help stop the huge military ship’s keeling, but there were flaws in its design that she could not counter, and the whole of it succumbed to the water’s drag sucking it down into the depths with several crew members still inside of it.
She’d been lucky enough to be near the surface and able to push off from the submerging bow as the ship sank slowly down backward, and as she swam to shore and pulled herself up out of the water, she saw that throngs of people had gathered as if to a Sunday picnic along the banks as they watched the ship disappearing.
She couldn’t calm the panicked distress of being unable to help save the other crew members still trapped within the ship’s confines, and as she prayed for their somehow escaping, her internal horror starkley contrasted against the ignorantly gay commentary from the onlookers around her.
—
(In a dream)
Threshold Of Light
(Portrait On The Wall – FoldingSky)
Broken Lines
They hadn’t cared that their matriarch’s elegant clothes and personal belongings were going to be left behind for the angry daughter-in-law to defile and desecrate in her latent rage.
They didn’t care that the fridge’s unfinished holiday helpings if left to rot would cause damage over time in the now abandoned house and give the daughter-in-law reason to sue and place blame.
And they certainly didn’t care about the matriarch’s beloved seasonal china laid out twice yearly in sacred tradition to welcome her family.
No…
Her granddaughter-in-law saw the truth in all of it and made sure that the family helped her secure that no trace nor censure of their matriarch could be used to tarnish her memory.
They barely helped, and most reluctantly.
Oh, yes…
And then, once they realized that the china had value and they could sell it back to the angry daughter-in-law for cash value – they demanded that the granddaughter-in-law’s family turn it over to them, accusing her of interfering and “attempted stealing.”
Cut Ties
She had found out recently the that original marriage had been actively sabotaged by her ex’s family due to spite and jeolousy once their beloved matriarch passed.
But this did not exonerate him.
In fact, it emphasized the lack of mutual devotion that she had repeatedly encountered throughout her entire life.
Emotions
“Of love…I miss them the most.”
(Annie Lennox with ‘Why’ on Countdown in 1992)
(Woman In Chains – Tears For Fears)
(Habibi Metal – Rudy Ayoob)
Strength In Unity
Sharing fears and insecurities
Revealing failures’ weakness
So that it may become clear
What keeps tripping our feet
Why we keep holdimg back from
Reaching for our greater abilities
Acknowledging triumphs’ strengths
Despite inner conflicts’ resistances
Allows us to be each others’ witness
Shining light on truths by recognizing
Better who we are and desire to become
So that we may achieve heights together
Supporting when needed
Loving as we are healing
How It Could Be
A picture of a carefree woman &
Her man with an arm around her
She is looking left toward him
& they are smiling very happy
(Take Your Time – AURENZA)
Just One Dance?
Dear Friend,
I couldn’t tell you everything I needed
In that lightning-bolt moment waiting
I’m sorry I didn’t respond immediately
When everything mattered suddenly
I needed time with you to unpack
& for us to get to know each other
So that we could share confidentially
In safety’s security-assured building
I miss you terribly and hope that
You’ll give us a real chance soon
(Natural Disaster – Jeremy Zucker)
Contract-ion
He was an elemental force that
She wanted to wholly embrace
But she was frozen in place
Looking for solid grounding
She needed commitment
On every imaginable level
To keep her family nourished
So she could share his passion
—
(Title of multiple meanings)
“Dark Signs”
(Waiting On A Friend – The Rolling Stones)
Repost from December 2021
Handling Fire
Denied Temptation
A younger man arrived, entwining his fingers with hers, wrapping his arm around her waist in that familiar way of lovers – and behaving as if he would give her the moon and stars if she’d consent to being his.
And while this unfamiliarity but desired regard felt lovely, she paid attention to the fact that an older street woman witch kissed him, yet said she would grant the couple freedom this one night.
But the dreamer didn’t want to give or take anything for temporary.
So she spoke up and told the man about the performance troup behind the bar that just then finished playing, and how she used to play drums like they did.
And then she stepped aside to take some night photos of the moon in interesting position to a neatly designed building.
With every gesture of her true self emergung, the spell he and the witch tried to lure her by became weaker and weaker.
And though she felt cold and empty as she further disengaged, she knew that she desired the real thing from another.
Better to love someone true from afar than sell herself short to someone under cover.
The One Thing
“I have always wanted, I see others getting to have.
Despite my grief and continued losses, I will always support others getting to have it.”
(Butterfly Effect – Traffic Scott)
For What Good?
“I am being stripped of my abilities.”
(Take Me Back To Eden – Sleep Token)
Frustration
(Lines We Never Spoke – Nocturnova & Serhii Stepko)
“Entling”
Eagles
Admit It: The Force
Crows On The Job
Yeah, Likely True
Movie Pick To See: Love & Other Drugs
Movie Spoiler: I Need You Clip
Ooo
“The owls are calling…”
Good Ol’ “College Try”
“I think I put my best foot forward this quarter.
It isn’t my fault that I was sabotaged by accumulated cleanser slickery and lack of shower bars.”
It Becomes Clear
“Society still has much to grow toward – and it is its own organism, in a way, that also needs nourishment’s support.”
Give Me Some (Aqua Regia – Sleep Token)
I need to calm my shakey system…
How Does It Help
“To shame, disregard, and mistreat a patient in honest need?”
FlipSides
There is no sunnyside up when
More mistreatment in “society”
The silver lining being no bleeding
And deeper bonding with children
As Far As I Can Go
The paramedics, except one, did not want to take her seriously.
And right when they arrived at the hospital’s exchanging, her being felt that she was not being transferred into safe keeping.
Immediately, the intake male nurse disregarded the pain and difficultties that she was having.
He made her further hurt herself by refusing to help her reattempt on her own to get into the wheelchair in his disregard’s treating her inhumanely.
Until she refused to try anymore until they brought someone who had any decency.
An older woman arrived, and for no provocation they’d also brought security.
The older woman stepped in front of her and to the right – and then the patient could grip and position herself where they wanted her to be.
The older woman hummed softly as she pushed her to a room where she could lay down again to manage the pain and imbalanced fluid exchange.
A brief blessing of kind compassion that help her reorient and keep trying to self stabilize.
It was a room reserved for mental patients, with cameras and a lockable closing door, where she could hear the nursing staff loudly joking at the ER station and one later said after she pressed the help button – “As if there isn’t someone down the way who is actually dying!”
At that point, she got help to call her eldest, because they didn’t seem to care or believe that she was dealing with brain trauma.
And while she was waiting, she finally began recording how loud and irreverent they were all being generally, irregardless of the fact people were there, hurt and dying.
They must’ve seen and heard her on the cameras, etc., because suddenly the noise got quieter.
And once her eldest arrived, they became more respectful and her eldest helped advocate for another scan against the doctor’s resistance to ensure that the sudden onset of symptoms did not include further risk from hemoraging.
‘Please take me to a different hospital if needed in the future,’ she requested to her eldest at the end.
Nothing like being confused and terrified with people making it worse by refusing to help as gaslighting.”
Addle-Pated
“Honestly…
I liked how I was before the accidents.
But I can try to still be some forms of me despite them.”
After ER
“No bleeding, yet my own discovery that inflammation also serves to cushion injury – so that when fluids suddenly drain, abrupt changes in presssure in and around the brain can cause various system disregulations, includimg more pain.”
SH**
Another ER trip.
Oh, That’s Funnn
“Standing up and feeling nausea as my legs turn purple and weight floods my solar plexus.
Help!
I think I’m going into shock.
Lying back down to try and let waves passover me…
This sucks!
