Category: A Woman’s Plight

I’ve observed resentment grow
When as a couple shared space

The moment two became one
Identities were shed to censure

Is a solution to have own rooms
Taking turns where share desires

As interfacing finds its
Compliment organically?

My limbs hurt so bad
In any position that I

Doubt the possibility of
Ever sharing a bed again

—

(Title of multiple meanings)

“I won’t put you through that again,” as he took her hand and gave her full eye contact in his sincerity.

“I promise to keep growing and comprehend…

You’ll never have to be alone, agaun.”

—

(Title of multiple meanings)

She had needed to be sure

She was not just going to
Have a hot tryst with him

No matter who he was
And regardless of how

Important he was to her

“How could he be there for everyone else, but not for me?

I don’t even really need to care, anymore.

I just don’t understand why I was branded negatable.

And maybe, it is better if I just avoid that whole thing.”

Although she could see the problem, felt his need, and would give everything most gladly – he was going to have to be the one to bridge for them.

The lock must be unlocked for the game’s rewards to begin.

“Love is always easy.”

He wanted her to call him a coward
He wanted her to lash out with rage

It was the pattern he recognized
But she would hold it close inside

No…

He couldn’t have her heat
Unless it was reciprocated

Somewhere between not ready enough
And exhausted patience resides balance

“You don’t get all of me for nothing.”

As a moment trapped
Still reaches for linking

She could not stop
Possibility thinking

A very young man’s father
Ignored his good mother

Thus the young man’s pattern
Ignored his own wife’s needing

His best friend suddenly dumped
His own fiance for another woman

Then years way down the line he just
Dropped the woman in same manner

After projecting issues with mother
Onto her without clarifying desires

A different younger man struggled
Against being controlled by mother

Allowing this relationship tangle
To distort engaged commitment

Her own father abandonded her as child
Teaching love was only valued from afar

But then she met a man who fought hard
To keep his valued lover despite anything

Well yeah – she’d choose his mirroring like
Her own against-odds dedication – any day

“We had ridden up way into the mountains – farther than I had gone since a child.

We stopped in one of the main tourist lodges to look around – and the raw crystal slabs of flourite caught my attention, having never seen any of such colored, resonant clarity before.

I turned to him and tried to deferentially ask, ‘Do you think I could get one of these, sometime?’

For I was still very young and not yet solidly employed.

A simple enough sharing of fascination’s joy and longing to hold something mystical in one’s possession as newly budding love’s symbolism.

But there was a piece of reticence in his vague reply – and I detected a strong hinted undercurrent of resentment, which shut me down immediately.

I blew it off and let the innocent request go, sensing sudden clouds of hidden potential conflict between us.

I didn’t understand why or what it related to at the time, but this having to read into what was expected of me to figure out how to keep him happy set the tone for imbedded insecurity in relationship inequality.”

“There are certain moves they say that a woman must make in order to capture a desired man’s interest.

Or rather, moves to not make – which result in a retraction of energy that ‘keeps one’s cards close to chest’ to ‘retain one’s attraction, one’s power,’ etc.

For example, creating a song with an honestly-motived declaration of love is considered these days to be ‘so passe,’ they’d say – and surely would cause any man to run toward the opposite direction!

Right?

‘Of course…’

Instead, one should withdraw and be mysterious – one should never display true, open-hearted glimpses of one’s intentions!

This means that if I display any giving of myself freely, doing so will set up the impression that I am ‘easy to access’ – and then no man will see me as rare and desireable and that I am the best of all prizes.

Well, as my Dear Friend has unfortunately had to experience first hand, it turns out that despite what I display, I am not, in fact, so easy to access – despite any accidental impressions given.

(I am so sorry for our misunderstanding, my Still Desired…)

And, anyway – there is a huge logic fault to this kind of ‘withholding’ thinking.

Though these ‘strategies’ may work as a type of manipulation, they create broken lines of communication and prevent creating solid connection congruency.

It is true that my path has been extremely solitary – and maybe it is because I actually intentionally don’t play courtship games.

Honestly, I do not understand most of them.

I mean, why don’t people just communicate, directly?

Where is there security that two people are even on the ‘same page?’

And while I can observe some thrilling results from them, playing games is not something that has ever come easy nor automatically to me.

Maybe this is from retained hypervigilance after having repeatedly experienced multiple and varital types of social trauma?

Yet, more likely, it is because I have always had a preset of highly valuing honesty.

This predisposition naturally blocks gaming requirements of being able to easily slide into behaviors of ‘subterfuge’ in the name of outwitting competitors.

However…

I would like to learn some games to play that make courtship with My Desired plenty hot and spicey – don’t get me wrong!

Absolutely!

Sign me up and count me in!

But I’d prefer to have us clearly predefine the games’ rules and parameters to ensure that we can avoid any accidental harm or misunderstandings, and so that maximum mutual fun and benefits could be gained for our happy experiences.

(‘Stand under the stained-glass and I will know it’s you…’ – Sleep Token)

Honestly, I just prefer to be me – vulnerably daring – even if desiring someone openly ends up causing derision from society.

I believe that love and courtship are so much more fun when both partners feel how much they are loved and wanted from each other – and games played have outcomes providing mutual satisfaction winning.”