“Even if it hurts me, show me the way.”
—
(Sleep Token reference)
Category: Alex (An Ideal)
(Is It Really You? – Loathe & Sleep Token)
Dear Alex,
“I look forward to meeting you.”
Dear Alex,
“I worry….
After next week, I find out about surgery.
Life must not be only about pain and struggle for survival.”
(What I Need – Avi Snow)
Dear Alex,
“I am being corralled into ‘disability’ status.”
Dear Alex,
“It astonishes me to be wrecked as I am, and to be ambling about, attempting to reform myself around these torn and broken inner seams.
Tomorrow, I begin school again, and later this week, the first of my healing retraining.
Noble…
Aged…
Steeped in Wisdom…
I scoff at this crown being donned upon me – for I so long to be myself again, and to be your lover.”
(If You Want Me – Marketa Irglova)
Dear Alex,
“I feel so tired…so f-ing, f-ing tired.
I want to reach for life, but feel empty.
The same cycles of patterns happening, without reboot to my engines.”
Dear Alex,
Please, love…let us have this.
Dear Alex,
“I’m worried that my synaptic gaps won’t bridge and heal.
What can I do about this?
I feel locked in an isolated room…
And at times when I can successfully pick the lock, I then find myself lost in dark and misty corridors.”
(The Best – Tina Turner)
Dear Alex,
“I am discouraged, though, that numbness is spreading and becoming more prevalent down my arms.
Maybe it’s because of the increased pushing to survive that I’ve been doing.
Stopping my work did not bring more rest.
Rather, I’ve been launched into more intensity struggles against the injuries.”
Dear Alex,
“I tried a new anti-inflammatory yesterday, and despite its tranking my brain, it actually interrupted the throbbing pain in my spine!
But I am not sure that I should rely on it – become dependent.
And the haggard lines on my face today…are they from the med messing with me?
Or is this what’s hiding underneath the facade of endurance, and relief from the med allows this to come through?”
(All I Have To Do Is Dream – The Everly Brothers)
Dear Alex,
“I got a call from out of state, and wished it was you.”
(About You – Georgio Gee)
Dear Alex,
I am vexed
& dropping
Daer Alex,
“He makes me very happy.”
Dear Alex,
“I hate what pain does to me.”
Dear Alex,
“My heart would burst for want of seeing your face…”
—
(A&E movie Jane Eyre reference)
(Unbound – Klur & BJOERN)
Dear Alex,
“I’m so tired.
I’m just…so tired.”
“In Your Eyes”
Dear Alex,
“Men throughout my life briefly encouraged – then blocked, disrupted, corrupted, and/or cut my lines to my ‘magic.’
Do I have to choose one over the other?
I want Love with you AND Music.”
(Space & Time – ItsArius)
Dear Alex,
Don’t leave me to wander in this darkness
Make it beautiful and bright with your love
Dear Alex,
I don’t feel at ease
With things sliding
Into realms beyond
Clung to tolerances
Dear Alex,
“Control is over-rated, but it is exceedingly alarming to watch what little I’ve had slip away from me – even if it was not what I’ve really needed.”
(When Will I See You Again – The Three Degrees)
Dear Alex,
“I thought that losses would be temporary.
But sense of security has been fleeting.”
(Cruise – ROYA)
Dear Alex,
“I don’t know what I can do this time.
Even if I get surgery, I am lacking spinal stability.
Maybe I can get lucky with new PT, build up – and then disrupt it again.
But there is so much to unpack in these regions…”
(Wanna Be Somewhere With You – Rules)
Dear Alex,
“I did it…
I brought us all full circle.
The kids are grown, successfully.
I provided for them and our animals.
People helped along the way, but I held the line – I held onto the vision and the memory.
Forgive me when I collapse, exhausted and empty.”
Dear Alex,
“I wish you were here with me, and that I could be there with you.”
Dear Alex,
“I thought I could get better, that I could pull myself back together.
But parts of me bamphing out of the material realm while others got torn assunder makes it difficult for regeneration.
My body is trying, but is misdirected by the longterm inflammation – and this has now become something that I cannot fix on my own.”
Dear Alex,
“It seems silly to say this, but at least I know it wasn’t my fault that when I’d literally lift a finger, my eyes and brain kept trying to short out.
This is why I could not continue attempting piano and guitar, and why the pressure of survival pinging would not release to let me return to prior editing.
I’ve been having a hard time not getting a complex about these inabilities.”
Dear Alex,
“I’m frightened.
The MRI shows I likely need intervention surgery, asap.
I find out more tomorrow.
It isn’t something that I can fix on my own, and is getting worse too rapidly.
I wish I was wrong about this.
I hope it is better than this.
But it seems pretty obvious my life is at risk.
Maybe there’s another way to interpret this.
I’ve worked hard to keep my grip from slipping.
I don’t know how I can control this fall.”
Dear Alex,
“Many forms you present, but which is the real you?”
(Sparrows – Cory Asbury)
Dear Alex,
“I don’t know what to do…
I don’t know how to bridge this gap to you.”
Dear Alex,
I don’t like them
What they do
How they think
They have rights
Disclaimer
“I’ll need your help to rebuild myself, yet in return, I will help you, as well.”
(The Offering – Sleep Token)
Dear Alex,
“Please, love…let us not further delay.”
(Whitesnake – Easier Said Than Done [Unzipped] ft. The Hook City Strings, 2025 Remix)
Dear Alex,
Why is he so darn important to me?
It’s like he’s infiltrated my system!
Dear Alex,
Am I who he wants?
Is he your true self?
