Category: Altered States

“I’ve hurt myself from today’s workout.

I can barely do anything, now, without reinjury!”

Another aspect of injury is that
My body tires quickly standing

Impact damage
Downgradation

Makes me want to
Scream in rebellion

I have three brain injuries now
Original, new, and combined

Did I say this?
Have I said this?

The walls are thicker
Behind closing doors

After the concussion
My arms became weak

My hands and face had
Increased numb patterns

Body and limb discoordination
Was knocked back into tailspin

Neck instability meant any movement
Upon elliptical pulled on brain injury

So now I do even less at the gym
To allow myself to try to catch up

I need to get back into
Previous yoga-pilates

But it was not safe to
After the car accident

So it’s hard to believe
Strength will recover

Although time’s passing
Says to do now not later

As my body resettling
Moves to new “normal”

It brings to the surface
Support tissue atrophy

When lying upon a shoulder
Things sink where shouldn’t

Causing destabilizing strains
To bone attachment structure

Going into third year of recovery’s
Recurring negative enforcements

—

(Title of multiple meanimgs)

“We are pretty dissatisfied in this current predicament.”

When my grandparents finally rested,
They either gave up & chose to die or
Stayed in bed for the rest of their lives

Being unable to work
Dependent on systems

Has very much sucked as
I prefer self determination

I’ve got nothing to strive for
No more umph in my motor

I always had manifestation
As my high-driving priority

Even if I had to wait
I knew it was there

I could feel it’s pressence
Just like I feel you, my love

It’s very discouraging after all of that
To find myself flat-stopped, diverted

No more climbing
No more aspiring

Because I’m just
So damn hurting

Nothing seems attainable anymore
It’s just slipping through my fingers

Sanity

“It becomes more clear that my neck, shoulders, and spine have become more destabilized since the concussion accident as muscles torque-torsion into spasmed misalignments carrying loads that they weren’t meant to be hoisting.”