Category: Cassandra

Brings with it a type of intrepid insanity, which, hopefully, is only temporary.

It’s like being caught in a feverish dream while struggling to awaken.

One must “fight with the sheets” to reacquire solid ground’s purchase.

Is hungry for answers to help tend to the heart’s needs and aches for compatible connecton.

She loved where she could, but felt unfulfilled without her heart’s answer.

Maybe their accidents had had nothing to do with her, although she had been drawn in closely when they happened.

Maybe it had had to do with their own follies – for their own awakening – and she was not at fault for having felt the tendencies brimming.

Maybe her role had been to just help support their egos’ transitioning.

It was hard being someone who could perceive and feel so much, and hard to not take so much “negative” timing personally.

She longed for the future when she could be relieved of such great weights of unusual responsibility that were of no benefit to her, and just be allowed to be a thriving woman.

Wanted and cherished, wild and free just to be and accomplish.

What if her instincts were wrong, again?

What if he wasn’t coming for her – but for another girl?

Fie!!!

To be so sensitively attuned, yet to have it do nothing for her!

She could feel him closer.

For too long she’d been sensing him shifting, evolving.

But he had never come for her.

She struggled to interrupt her muscles locking down in frissioned tension, as if this time, the event was actually about to happen.

And if it did, she lamented that he would not at first have an easy time with her.

Her resistances had built up over necessity, and having been lied to and tricked repeatedly, she couldn’t just trust him innocently.

He was going to have to prove himself.

And what man wants to be in that position?

“It seems that we all have them – it’s just whether or not they are complimentary.”

I mean, the world was already full of them!

Just fly?

When the seasons shift and the flock passes by near enough to almost leap to and join, the blood quickens in anticipation.

She didn’t know why in the midst of such anguish that her system was becoming agitated, vibrating to such intense levels as if the bird within her were about to burst into flight with a loud cry of ecstatic joy.

She could no longer say with confidence that she was an influence of good when she saw so much bad happening around her.

In fact, she’d been feeling kind of twitchy lately, as if she feared being of negative influence.

Though a bird in a cage longs for freedom, over time, through no fault if its own, it becomes dependent…and it is hard to discern what its natural behaviors would actually be outside of such circumstances.

She didn’t want to make the same mistakes that she saw others making as they lived and expressed in their lives naturally.

There was that phrasing: “the same mistakes.”

So would it be acceptable to make different mistakes?

Or must the goal be to avoid making mistakes – and was that even possible?

Maybe, just maybe, it was more about finding the right kind of partner who, like her, was intelligently moral and adaptable.

She could hear them: happy people.

Sailing past on that rare trip, and playing down below in the sand, if they ventured.

“We must reclaim our own.”

Walking out past the guards who trusted her to return, she climbed up to the cliffs overlooking the Mediterranean Sea, feeling the blowing breeze gentle-flapping her robes and tugging at strands of her tied-back hair.

As she reached the cliff tops, it almost felt as if she could fly away were she to just open her arms wide and lean forward a little bit more to capture the lift streaming up from the beaches below.

Stepping forward closer to the cliff’s edge, she closed her eyes and sensed for where the updraft would catch her.

Suddenly, a far off voice called out “Don’t do it, Cassandra!”

Startled, she jumped back, abruptly returned to her wretched reality.

Looking around her, she found no one there.

She figured that she likely had trauma associations now and wondered how it could ever be possible for her to have a healthy partnered relationship.

Always prayed to and projected upon as if she could influence – or in fact, that she was the oracle, itself – made her realize that she might now have internal control issues.

She had repeatedly observed the process, beginning with the glazed look that came over their eyes after their first meeting her.

That moment when they shifted from no longer seeing her as a to-be-prized-and-cherished woman of talent, and began seeing her as something threatening that they needed to overcome and conquer.

The men used her as their internal demons’ reflections, and so she could see how if she ever saw that glazing again in an actual partner’s eyes, that this could prospectively send her into a subconscious panic of needing to immediately challenge and change the situation.

And her panic would likely not initially express itself productively because she had had it negatively ingrained into her being that she had no right to speak about the truth of her needs or bring attention to the truth about what was happening and how it made her feel in danger and diminished.

She was supposed to just stay in the mode of being only a vessel, and this, therefore, caused great conflict against herself, within her.

It was difficult to have faith in men when she witnessed first hand their debauchery.

The whole of society was suffering from it.

There are those who wish to tear us down, those who help stop this from happening, and those who help us ascend to new levels.

The heart wants what it needs, and at some point, can no longer endure trials without it.

“Am I cursed, or is there a better destiny waiting for me?” she cried out into her arms.

(Title of multiple meanings)

“Please don’t leave me here for the rabid wolves,” she begged, hoping that her one was listening.

While she knew that her wisdom heralded the imminent revolution, she also knew that if she joined the movement, she would be crucified as a martyr and branded as nothing more than a whore and liar.

“Some people say that if a woman has sex with a man before he is committed to her, then this diminishes her value.

This type of thinking pushes a woman to deeply evaluate her own feelings where a man is not also doing the work, and commit to marriage before knowing compatibility.”

She liked exploring them.

“It’s not fair,” cried out one of the women in privacy of their chambers, “that we were created to need a man’s completing us!”

Several of the other women called out comments, chiming in to add their discontent.

Cassandra lifted her hand gracefully and the din quieted down to listen attentively, for she always had something profound to add in her wisdom.

“Maybe they were made to serve us,” she posed in a low tone, confidingly, “and that’s why they control and suppress us.”

Watching the other women give in to the debauchery in hopes that they’d gain favor from a patron and someday obtain petition to be set free into their serving, she kept to the outskirt shadows of the party, having fulfilled the requirement to attend as summoned.

In order to keep them from breaking free, they were brainwashed into believing that the world was hostile, that no one would or could love them after what they had been forced to do – and they had seen the punishment rendered to those who had tried, but were recaptured.

She wondered what that could be like.

It wasn’t just the fumes and drugs they kept forcing upon her, but the sense of shock and loss that always pervaded.

Every heartbreak and trauma seemed to broaden insights to where she could not help but see, and without choice of what was presenting.

(Content of multiple meanings)

She could not help but “read” them overtime while puzzling over their motivations.

She had never received an authentic one.

They kept trying, but she would not let them break her spirit.

“…more like ‘condemned…'”

What no one spoke about in the catacombs were the services required to help a man obtain sense of his egocentric greatness.

Uncompromising, yet wise and diligent, love for humanity.

“So many men – and not a one who can see beyond my beauty and desire the true, unique depths of me?

But, I suppose, that such a one would not need my services.

Why would he even think of where to find me?”

“Men are attracted to me who need to grow, but none of them want me for me and fight the Fates to stay with and release me.”