Category: Comedy
Did Helen Mirren Die?
“No!
She’s got too much ‘kick’ in her!”
It’s Late, Again…
“What have I been doing?
I must be partying…”
(Never-ending moving details…)
“If Only It Could Be This Easy”
“Back To My Roots?”
OY!
All-Right…
“You want….this?”
Who’s
“Scruffy-looking?!”
(“Empire Strikes Back” movie reference)
Right About Now
“Keep It Under Your Hat”
Prizes!
“I reached into my coat pocket for my headphones, and when I pulled them out, they were wrapped tightly around my chapstick and a honey cough drop – like in that carnival Go-Fishing game.”
Twin Flame Inner Work
“Lord?”
“I did ask for help when…
Nor when…
Nor even when…
But I lift my hands to the sky now and beg: please help my hound go pee!”
—
(Her extreme anxiety from loud repair worker engine machines preventing her…)
Me With A Hound And A Husky
“How does ‘Come on’ mean ‘Go over there?!'”
Injury To Insult
“Walking outside with my dogs, like a surely drunkard who’s been hit by a bus…now where’s my alcohol?!”
“CHA!”
Maybe…
“I’m too hot to han-dle.”
“Why?!”
Right…On
And This Time, I Mean It!
Tons Of Dogs
“How did I get myself into the position of taking care of tons of dogs, again?”
“The Clown Prince Of Denmark: Victor Borge
Eras Of Suffering
Commas
Can Relate
Have You Ever?
“Put peas on pizza?
Me neither.”
I’m Feelin’ It
The Ad: Starting Therapy Soon
“Because we’ve driven you mad.”
ANY Time, ANY Time
“Give me simple over complex…”
F******!
“She seemed so n8ce in per-son…”
OK, Fine!
“If I can’t make it to the bank with my remaining gas, I guess I’ll just ‘fly a sign.”
Mirror In The Bathroom
“As I sat down for a final repose upon such thrones ensconced within such places, I looked up to behold a huge, full-length mirror directly in front of me..
Dear God – WHY??!!“
A Single Moment Of Silence
In Your Nature
So They Say,
Kind-a Like Me
(Except for the grabbing in public thing…)
The Wrong Shoes
“I stepped into the shower and did not realize that I was still wearing my nice leather flip flops instead of my plastic ones way beyond too late.”
“No Justice”
“Current Mantra”
Exactly!
What Are Missionary Chocolates?
“Do you eat them lying on your back?”
Self Repair
“Is my phone like me?
A little janky now, but still tickin’?”
Lava Monster
“My floors are now all gray – instead of the warm brown of wood striping.
So I find myself drawn to red decorations – with a goldish type of amber chetoyancy.”
Interruptive Commercials When Loading Sleep Token
First offense: “How-dare-you!”
Second offense: “Sa-cri-ledge!”
—
(Husky-voiced, demonic wrath)
Abstract Humor
“A sign read, ‘Mental Health And Jesus.’
I couldn’t help internally busting-out laughing at the myriad of implicated applications.”
The Last Hurrah!
As she at last loaded the final bag full of garbage and got it held down by old shelving into the ttailer, she stepped fully – both feet with a glorious, oockie-murked splashing – into the midnight-hidden thick puddle of storm water.
Trying To Get Up
“Aaaaaaaaauuugggghhh….
Char-ley Hor-sessssss!!!”
