Category: Male Bonding

He didn’t appreciate her love when he had it, because he never had gone without it.

And she had never really known nor felt that he had truly wanted it.

It doesn’t matter what “they” say, or how badly a person might feel about it.

Or who will or will not support it.

The heart just wants what it wants.

She stood accused of “making the same mistakes” by her inner critics.

How dare she take that bold-leap chance and risk on another good-hearted guy – who it turns out, like the other men before, also had issues with commitment!

The side-thronging demons laughed at her expense – ranting, raving, and hooting in their cajoling rompery about how she’d “done it again.”

She had somehow found *yet another guy* whose kind and inclusive nature turned inattentive – resulting in a rejection, neglect, and abandonment reinforcement paradigm.

“Oh, girl!” they screamed out in cackling, fanatic goading.

“You don’t need our help – you keep f-ing things up on your own!”

Co-providing nourishment where each person needs.

A man, once escapes his own bound gravity, may have trouble reconnecting after becoming addicted to the wind.

She was pushed away, because he cared.

She wasn’t wanted, because she cared.

Outliers who engage, then become distant and unavailable.

She thought about it.

That she kept being used as a guy’s next step onto something “better.”

Coming close, your gravity locks onto mine
Pulling away, I’m returned to void of space.

Aching to be reunited, hating the isolation
Why does your presence leave an imprint?

Deserved

Or

Undeserved?

Skimming without reciprocation.

My rules.

“It’s not you, babe – it’s me.”

To be shown the light again, but then forced to watch as the dark is allowed to reclaim love’s territory is cruelty.

I had forgotten how good they can be.

Rare and fleeting…

I think I’m here, but I don’t seem to exist beyond my own internal boundaries.

External reality seems all too ready and waiting to enliven, then erase me.

Loss of something special.

From open honesty to locked-down silence.

Manipulating for one-sided advantage.

A deeper understanding of the term…

Desire

Longing

Abstracted

For caring.

A young man with curly hair and a gorgeous just-then-unshirted and perfectly sculpted, cream-colored upper torso poised solid and proud above white sweat pants nonchalantly slid smoothly into his car in front of me as he cast a quick look around to see if anyone noticed.

As my eyeballs tried to pop out of their sockets, I laughed out loud and had to walk up to his driver’s side window and tap on it.

As he rolled the glass down slightly self consciously, I joked with a huge grin,” You’re gonna cause an accident doing that!”

He laughed, nodding and acknowledging slightly bashfully, saying,  “Thank you…thank you…” accepting the obvious compliment with its playful admonishment.

Whereupon, I turned away laughing even more and carefully made my way back to my car, determined to keep my eyes off of him.

If a guy wanted to be minimal, she could match that.

“I would want you, if you didn’t want me…”

“Oh fair, buxom young maiden, fear not – I shall save thee…!

Oh sh*t!

There’s a real woman in there!”

Climbs back onto his steed and gallops away, post haste.

“If only I could be married and share love with someone I could trust…”

Still needs to go to therapy to deal with parent issues.

“Hey! We could have a lot of fun hanging out together…”

Builds up friendship in pursuit, but once granted, backs out and evades by silence…