Category: Male Bonding

“Who cared for me enough to show up and do something about it – despite all of the obstacles.”

“‘Severe’ exhaustion…”

“Doctor,” said the nurse, “she has fainted from exhaustion.”

And as their children came to visit their home safe at last, she reached out and grasped his hands as she looked up into his eyes and said, “Thank you for this. Thank you for your love and your trust.”

“Nothing else matters,” he told her.

—

(Metallica and Elderbrook references)

“Let’s both forget.”

—

(Sleep Token reference)

“For how else can the air feel the earth’s passion?”

“You remind me of those fireworks – and I love it.”

“Won’t you show me what it’s like to be loved by you? Let me feel it through and through.”

My life has been like a cage to me
I will get in your way to protect you

From influences that threaten your peace
There’ll be no more harm this day onward

They were so well matched that they were both capable of swimming in the shallows forever in person – unless one or both of them broke through the barriers.

She had spent the day rallying and cleaning, putting things in place a bit better as she had wanted to.

In the evening, like every evening, she subtly kept an eye out for him, trying to not feel like a fool – because what guarantee was there that he would appear?

And there was the balance of timing and not looking at every single person, because frankly, to do so would be exhausting.

“You’ve been driving me crazy,” he confessed to her with humor.

She got a sweet dimple in her cheek when she replied mischievously, “The least that I could do was to return the favor!”

An affliction they both struggled with in person.

Once they’d broken through the ice and he felt assured of better footing, he allowed his confidence to come forward and cued her with a voice so low and husky, “Aren’t you going to come hug me now, my darling?”

They kept circling each other like Yin and Yang, trying to figure out how to get closer for fusion.

At last he reached out for her, and when she pulled back from automatic self protection due to the overwhelm of her feelings for him, this time, he did not let go.

God, it hurt.

It hurt so bad that she could have hurt him again through more misunderstanding.

But, once again, she had no control.

These decisions were not up to her to make.

She could not remember
What she had said to him

Only that she had extended
What she thought obviously

To the point and deserved
By his art and heard heart

But he had seen right through
The mask she’d tried to present

In her efforts to support him
While not giving herself away

Every man that she had cared for in this life had turned love’s promise into a tease, a taunt, and a game of withdrawal’s withholding – resulting in her vulnerability’s eventual abandonment.

Whether close in person or half of a world away, they worshipped the chasm of distance to keep from expressing and experiencing her love’s healing, magical, and reinvigorating art.

Oh, they said they wanted it – sure….

But this was just to keep her giving them good attention while they left her hanging.

The worst part of this was that her heart, mind, and soul had been openly honest – but then were starved and whipped into a frenzy while she kept holding space for them, extending kindness and patience.

Eventually, she had to learn to protect herself from further injury, since not one would actually step up to claim her love and care for her, in return.

She’d had to close each door and exert her own resistance through distance.

But living without love had never been a good reason for any season in her belief system.

It created the feeling of living in barren wastelands.

She was in a grocery isle, looking at garbage bags and cleaning supplies – of all things – and saw hum coming from her left.

Sunglasses still on to mitigate the bright overhead lights, she angled her stance more toward him and hazedly watched him approach, expecting him to turn and walk the other way.

But he kept coming, slowly, and was watching her carefully but directly.

Every step brought his visage more clearly into view as her mind scanned for attributes that would confirm his identity correctly.

Then he stopped right there, right next to her, not looking away – just as she held herself there, though swaying a bit from not automatically bolting away, herself.

He was ready?

They were ready.

To be real….

To figure out how to explain and discuss everything.

They were ready to face fears, together, with trembling relief.

—-

(This morning’s last dream before waking)

“You might be a pain in the butt,” she asserted, “but you’re my pain in the butt.”

And then, she hugged him.

—

(Title of multiple meanings)

He said out loud to no one in particular.

“She loves me…”

Drive her this crazy must mean that she cared for and loved him deeply.

She visualized turning him around, smacking his butt, and sending him on his way with a “Come back when you’re ready to really play.”

“Heartache from being teased, then denied.”

He was enchanted by the fact that his actions affected her because she cared so much – while he seemed oblivious to the blatant obviousness of how his withdrawals cut her open, spilling her precious heart’s blood, again.

She quirked a playful eyebrow at him briefly and asked, “So you wanna do this with me?”

“Which version have you liked best so far?” he asked her.

She leaned in closer so that only he could hear her…”I’ll let you know when it’s just you and me.”