Category: Poetic Musings

I gave too much yesterday
For too little finance return

The day before gave to myself
And now my quadraceps burn

There’s little reconciliation in
Managing overcompensation

As yearning for the balance of
Heart and souls’ orchestration

His injury
Took him

Forever
From me

He turned
Away from us

Here is where
I could scream

There was
No more trust

Not my
Fault

I didn’t
Cause it

So close we
Could touch

But forever
Separate

I had
No choice

Slow death
Of my heart

Oh darn it!
You got me

Tantilizing
Instigating

Speaking my words
Summoning kinship

Drawing out poison
From wounds’ swell

Cleansing my veins
Tearing aside veils

As if you have
Known me well

Flexing your might
Displaying muscles

I can’t help but laugh at
How well you’ve grown

Mm

In exchanging the years
We were walking beside

What you went through
My own hell’s validation

I feel such a fool to
Have been in hiding

When I look at you
Openly confiding

And have a feeling that
You’d poke me gently

Teasing me lovingly
For behaving so silly

But also understanding
Why I couldn’t emerge

Until you yourself
Chose to purge

Well you have
Fractured loss

Into millions of
Bright fragments

Like some bomb
Cracking atoms

Bursting colors
With declaration

Death has no dominion
In these darkest realms

And I no longer need fear
Your wounds nor my self

For though I’ve been here
You’ve long deeper delved

Consumed by such demons
Yet giving them fighting hell

Honed by sharpest blades
Enlightened wisdom’s well

Once servant now master
I’ve somehow known well

In dreams or lost memories
Supressed now rewakening

Your shout-out demanding
Grabbing soul as compells

I would run but transfixed
By my heart pouring blood

No choice but to speak
Your name in this flood

I can’t hide anymore that
It’s you I’ve always loved

Like a bird flushed
Out from its hiding

Exhilarating
Yet terrifying

Looking for a
Place to land

But everything’s a
Trap pre-planned

And I don’t trust anything
Feeling so overwhelming

Now flapping into
Squawk-panicking

In never before
Defense tactics

I mean how silly is it to
Lose sense of direction

When maybe what
I have looked for

Has at last found to
Gently ground me?

But being a bird
“Bird’s the Word”

Senses demand I
Only tread lightly

I found shelter
Walking alone

As woods would thin
Or hedges would part

From ditch-low views
To mountainside arcs

And even as we were
Making own progress

We kept parallel tracking
Following stars’ pinpoints

I did not think that we had
Anything more in common

Than pain in its complexity
Pulling us many directions

Since when has such been
Good basis for beginning?

But as I see your emerging
I’m applauding as grinning

Because we both endured
Similar wasted years’ trials

Over land and under water
Through bitter times tasted

I have learned about you more
By ears deciphering languages

And realized we are both seeking
Fulfillment of hearts’ raw desires

At first assumed common to all
Yet silently pushed to extremes

I still don’t understand why
My self esteem is blocked

Where exactly is the switch –
How did it get signal-locked?

I cringe as if I was beaten
But that was so long ago

Could it be that car’s impact
Scattered it hither and froed?

When I ignore the mirror
Can settle and be content

If think of gaining partner
Wits scatter into lament

As if I’m the ugliest person
But that can never be true

When beauty resides deep inside
The soul looking out eye windows

Not what you’d think
As she folds inward

Closing self reservedly
Afraid Dark will corrupt

But he holds memory of her
Day’s bright revelries sacred

And carefully embraces
Protecting her tenderly

Grow where wild magic calls to them
Nature’s love drawn toward a human

Giving sweetest scent ever imagined
Pollinator wasps will never abandon

I don’t know if I’ll
Make it this time

Always before I had
Strength and mind

Now bitter envy of
What’s left behind

Torn assunder
Broken divine

Searching for summer
That tastes like rain

Too distracting
Recurrent pain

Looking for you
Below to higher

Camoflauged
Mirroring fire

It’s good enough to
Hint at the problem

Because what’s needed
Becomes complicated

Where before met improperly
Rendered broken and starving

Sitting at grandfather’s piano
Playing inharmonically-drawn

To explore lows and highs
Yielding creative pleasure

Drawn to black adventures
Never before considered

Promising darker realms
Guided by balanced light

Yet constant interruption
Of warning perceptions

Prevented wandering freely
Where rumored monsters

Unable to conjure white
Where predators prevailed

Forced to hide
In a prison cell

You make me wish
I could reappear

So far behind you now
I cannot remember

And when I strain to
Reclaim abilities

Thinking how we
Could harmonize

Beyond limitations
‘Til now imposed

My head steams and
I collapse to the floor

Sobbing and screaming
For Heaven’s vindication

For how can you love me now
As a ghost of what was before

You who have been torn apart
By power that came with you

While I was severed from cord
Nourished by Earth’s treasures

I hear them far away
Calling to finger tips

As if I had once known
Everything about them

But my memory
Has been wiped

And the pathway
Badly damaged

In an attempt to
Force forgetting

TBI increases
Magnitude of

Prior head injuries
During childhood

Acting like ADHD
Autism spectrum

Seizing when
Eyes engaging

Disrupting attempts
To overcome blocks

From childhood messaging
Resisting embracing music

Tidal forces
Tear apart

Reason’s
Guidance

Sun to moon
Moon to sun

Vye for control
In body of one

Where no external
Anchor balances

Strapped in
Swinging

No master
May claim

Seeking to break
What’s forbidden

Unfair advantage
Spitting hissing’s

Defiant grievance
Against collusion

Resentful
Dependency

Screaming
Liberation

From others’ sins
To rightful owner

Grasping chains
Then releasing

Thereby gaining
Devotion’s fealty

Home sliding toward a cliff
Could’ve pulled it back when

Muscles were connected
And fibers didn’t separate

Mother fu**ing karmic debt
I swear
It better be paying forward

Grunting and sweating to lift
Even the most light of stones

Turning with suppressed screams
As joints tear at injured sites again

Just claim disability and become a nobody
Where any advance will forever be blocked

Next levels dealing with suffering
Conscripted to martyrdom, afterall

Trying to make
A hard case to

Just give up

No time for
Grieving

Struggling to lift
Shackled weights

Erased identities
Free will farcing

Preaching Bibles
Original sin bliss

Condemnation for
Imagined transgressions

Cracking whip
Ghost impacts

Blood boiling
Bone sweltering

Neurological haze
Compression’s box

Stop trying to win
This losing battle

Lies lies lies
Yeah-eah

Fu** this
I’m going home

But where can
Home be found?