Category: The Accident – As Of 10/10/25 Early AM Named “Clyde” (Short For Collide) Because It’s Funny And I Deserve Mirth At Its Expense

She couldn’t tell if it was from circumstances, or physical injury.

Keep stitching torn sails, work to repair rigging, and pray for reinforcements.

The concussion scenario being a dead end recipe for complete disempowerment, she just kept trying to do whatever she could try to do, despite it – peppered with moments of stopping for breaks to try to rest.

“One could think that being told one must rest for recovery would be liberating.

But it isn’t – no, not one bit – not one bit at all when one’s boat is sinking.”

“A doctor’s assistant doing initial intake before I saw my primary recently listened to how I’d discovered that my workouts had actually been gaining ground in restabilizing my spine – and then how devastated I was to have that progress disrupted and basically wrenched from my hands from the concussive fall.

Whereupon, I was surprised and encouraged when she reflected my prior once faith back to me by saying assuredly, ‘But you can get that back…'”

“That the orthopedic doctor actually said, ‘What good would an MRI do?’ – and he’s a surgical specialist!”

“Quite twitchy.”

“There’s this feeling that I can’t place, like being body-slammed or hit in the face – felt since hearing that the only recovery path for my concussion is rest minus brain use activities when survival requires opposite.”

“Pick A Subject…”

Narrowed fields of vision
Along gaptic crossways

Make it near unfathomable to
Work several projects linearly

“I got a deep hip adjustment when I extended my leg out for a stretch while on my back.

Maybe I’m closer to some better tracking!”

“I’ve hurt myself from today’s workout.

I can barely do anything, now, without reinjury!”

Another aspect of injury is that
My body tires quickly standing

Impact damage
Downgradation

Makes me want to
Scream in rebellion

I have three brain injuries now
Original, new, and combined

Did I say this?
Have I said this?

The walls are thicker
Behind closing doors

After the concussion
My arms became weak

My hands and face had
Increased numb patterns

Body and limb discoordination
Was knocked back into tailspin

Neck instability meant any movement
Upon elliptical pulled on brain injury

So now I do even less at the gym
To allow myself to try to catch up

I need to get back into
Previous yoga-pilates

But it was not safe to
After the car accident

So it’s hard to believe
Strength will recover

Although time’s passing
Says to do now not later

As my body resettling
Moves to new “normal”

It brings to the surface
Support tissue atrophy

When lying upon a shoulder
Things sink where shouldn’t

Causing destabilizing strains
To bone attachment structure

Going into third year of recovery’s
Recurring negative enforcements

—

(Title of multiple meanimgs)

“We are pretty dissatisfied in this current predicament.”

When my grandparents finally rested,
They either gave up & chose to die or
Stayed in bed for the rest of their lives

Being unable to work
Dependent on systems

Has very much sucked as
I prefer self determination

I’ve got nothing to strive for
No more umph in my motor

I always had manifestation
As my high-driving priority

Even if I had to wait
I knew it was there

I could feel it’s pressence
Just like I feel you, my love

It’s very discouraging after all of that
To find myself flat-stopped, diverted

No more climbing
No more aspiring

Because I’m just
So damn hurting

Nothing seems attainable anymore
It’s just slipping through my fingers

Sanity

“It becomes more clear that my neck, shoulders, and spine have become more destabilized since the concussion accident as muscles torque-torsion into spasmed misalignments carrying loads that they weren’t meant to be hoisting.”

“I was not responding well as of today from the concussion when getting other people’s help as they were pressuring.

I was either dealing with their trying to be time efficient and going in too many directions at once – spinning me in circles – and/or wasting my time, etc..”

“Can you self regulate?”

—

(Re the maelstrom that descends when engaging resource acquisition processes due to brain injury)

I had pushed through hardships
Carrying too much tension that

Was supposed to find release and
Began to right before car accident

My asking for an intervention was
Seeking help from the stress load

Not requesting next level struggles
Which now concussion compounds!

But hey, hey what can I say – it’s not
Like I had things I still wanted to do

(Wait – I did!)

And true, true I was tired from youth but
I didn’t want vital energy taken from me!

(How rude!)

I’m still going forward because I endure
But I’m more frustrated now by burdens

Making it even harder to create income
Let alone walk with confidence in smile

And the worst part is that there
Seems to be no getting beyond it!

I can’t afford effects of the ride by
Taking drugs, drinks, or medication

That would cause any imbalance in
How I manage emotional currents

Because I am still captaining my ship
With people dependent upon strength

If I break down during financial hardships
The wreckage would become unavoidable

So therefore I do not have the ‘luxury’ of
Being someone who has ‘medical needs’

“There is nothing different available to me than what I have already been doing on my own to recover from the original car accident injuries.”

“The PA told me that basic concussions easily take  4-6 weeks for recovery, but can take much longer if more severe – especially if compounding prior brain injury.

Looks like I am in the latter category, as school and extra pursuits are no longer an option at present.”

“Over and over and over again…”