Category: Where Demons Tread

Forever and Always.

“Somehow, I need to increase them.

Not sure about longevity.

But that can’t be a factor.”

“I definitely feel it.

I am trying – but pretty sure I am failing.”

“It set me off – pushed me too far over tolerances already expended.”

“Cutting off from need.”

“I must be careful, because where demons are allowed to transgress freely, it seems that I am still capable of resentment.”

“I know I’m supposed to, for however long it takes, but I no longer know if I can do so.

Is that the trial, again?

Then isn’t it just ‘a game,’ again?

When nothing’s known for certain, there’s no reason, in the end.

Faith, by itself – at this point – seems overrated.

I guess this is the soul-weary fatigue talking.”

“Since my marketing plan crashed, I might as well throw myself at whatever I can – even if I burn.”

When men go off to war
Women are left foraging

Endurance gets worn down
Tilling earth to make viable

Farms collapse in absence of
Continuous manual exertions

For growing fruits and vegetables
And tending livestock on all levels

Women gravid with babies pray
The other women can find them

Doctors are off tending soldiers
Leaving the rare herbal midwife

The cost of bloodshed goes beyond
Brave lives lost in fields of violence

Family left behind is vulnerable
Exposed to marauder slaughter

“I am aware that the part-time job will exponentially increase load on my system while providing a margin of independent contracting compensation and filling limited time available where I could have rested and networked – and yet, the people there are lovely and we need each other.”

Moments alone are not
Something comfortable

When Chaos is wrending
Fabric of one’s existence

“When I think of the struggles I’ve been through, brought to new levels by still trying to recover from that accident, it is difficult to feel self worth in overcoming.

I managed to get my youngest their car and moved out into their own life; i have networked for resources and kept housing despite being unable to work; and I have attended school and completed a certificate – though this term I’m likely not passing.

I think of all of the slippage that I’m now encountering in my ability to bridge gaps in a life full of enforced ramping demands for hyperachieving just to maintain basic life survival – and feel somehow targeted to fail.

Maybe this is just the path of an innovator, of someone who doesn’t fit into the system because they are capable of greater contributions.

But it makes me cognizant of how fragile the stability in all of our lives really is when I keep getting pushed again and again to fall off of the edge of any briefly acquired security.

It reminds me of when I was a young child and would escape to go sit on my low front yard fence away from everyone, safely poised on that line for a few, very long minutes – disengaged while staring into the face of Nothing.

It’s like I never recovered.

I’m still just a fragile wisp in fhe wind.”

It made her mad to be
Limited in manifesting

She might have that job
That was temporary yet

Only part of the answer
To the larger equation

Which required more
Struggling to innovate

Against time-lagging
Stick-taffy responses

“Yummy, thick mango juice helps to rehydrate.”

“When I was a teen, I was not shown that I was wanted nor cherished.

I watched my siblings get everything they needed: held and comforted when they cried; love and nourishment; friends, toys and clothes; the free-flow of emotional expression – and they had me as an extra guardian and protector.

I got picked on and jumped at school; attacked nd predated upon by men of different ages; yelled at and beaten, terrorized; told I was a slut for putting on makeup, groped and molested by a trusted adult no matter how I tried to evade him – and then ripped away from everything I worked hard for, despite all of these negative influences.”

“There is no real immediate accountability required by agencies that make mistakes.

‘Give it time and the system will work itself out, they say.’

Sure!

If I have a monetary buffer to float you, this can work.

If not, you are just chopping apart my enture functionality!”

“How is it that I am encountering more systems with new methods of gaslighting crazymaking in communications which seem specifically designed to target and further inflame my brain injury?!”

(Re past payments made that got lost in the system)

“I’m not depressed, I’m just tired.”

—

(Crawls back into bed after untangling sheets and blankets, trying to counter effects of insomnia)

“Seems necessary to balance the internalized screaming.”

“No matter what I do currently, it feels like it isn’t enough – and I am becomimg beleagurred by a sense of panicking desperation.”

Stop twitching
Recallibrate

“It’s a good thing that I am used to being a dreamer because navigating stress and brain trauma under pressure is no easy roller coaster.”

If it feels like you are
Losing your sanity

Stick quick
To an anchor

Tethered to
This plane

“Our wolf is going blind so rapidly, it hurts to see her afraid and startling at things.”

“Escapism might be an only way to keep surviving.”

“‘Be careful what you think. Be careful what you think. Be careful what you think.’

This – after again trying to catch some of my harmonies.”