A Downfall Of Man
Recreational drugs without adjunct therapy to exorcise demons, instead of reinforcing their negative messaging.
(Far From Falling – Lastlings)
A Good Mother
Strives for the day where her children can at last fly on their own, capably and wholistically.
Less In A Day
But more effort.
I Repeat
The Piz-za is in the o-ven – I repeat – the piz-za is in the o-ven!
“Lookie-Lookie!”
Interstellar
However this picture needs to be painted to get from one point to the successive next stream of points is all I need to focus on as tidal forces exert their influences.
I’m FINE!
RAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
😀
(Sweet Silence – Gorguts)
Singularity’s Purpose
With increasing pain and swelling announcing imminent danger, she took a deep breath, called her fragments back into unification, and condensed into streaming particles to push through the eye of the needle.
Dignity
My way.
Rebuffed
Suddenly, he was there to comfort her.
“Oh no. No. Where have you been? Why come here, now? I used to be bright and beautiful. I used to be HOPEFUL! You can’t have me now. Not like this. Not when I am a total wreck. A mess. And struggling…”
(Highway Tune – Greta Van Fleet)
You Know What?
Yeah ..
I am gonna snap after leaving a situation without causing harm where I could have because someone projected their b.s. onto me.
WTF!
Ire
It makes me angry to have people not help and then project their issues onto me.
I have my own to contend with!
(If I’d Been The One – 38 Special)
Unacceptable
A doctor should not shrink and take on a victim role when a patient is hurting and needing answers – especially if the patient has not done anything to elicit this.
(Y’all Ready For This – Space Jam Theme)
“That’s A Happy Cat!”
(Then The Morning Comes – Smash Mouth)
“Tippy-Toes”
Absence of Faith
I no longer have hope for my situation, yet will endure until I cannot, anymore.
No More!
For too long, I have put up with and endured other peoples’ injustices placed upon my step with me being held accountable for wrongs that I have not committed.
When The End Comes
There is the affirmation that, indeed, one is better off alone.
Boxed In
A song says, “It will be the good times we remember…” (by Barbra Streisand)
Not so when those around you only look for the negatives.
(Never Close Our Eyes – Adam Lambert)
“Shipwrecked”
Zoim around a bit…
“Sacred Grove”
“Golden Weaver”
(Feelslikefallinginlove – Coldplay)
“A Moment’s Peace”
“Queen’s Perch”
Our beloved has advanced stage liver cancer. Every day with her is a welcome bonus.
Gardening
Succor and balm.
“Pushing Ahead”
Bulging
Inward pressure, outward bound.
“Transmutation”
“Sun Sprites”
“Reflections’
Workarounds
As she encountered newly roadblocks to her progressing, she reinforced for brain reboot my eating various forms of chocolate.
Primary Relationships
Growing up in a central valley of California in the 70’s did not place me in the most advantageous position for healthy mental-emotional growth and development.
However, the onslaught of things that I endured afforded me a perspective as I fought repeatedly to reclaim identity that not many other people have experienced.
A Return To Innocence
By Athena Stairs, July 15, 2024
The doctors and scientists would end up caging us one by one after we took the serum to restore our humanity’s origins because it helped those of us newly inoculated to have sense of safety by defined external boundaries.
We could not roam nor wander lost and confused in the throes of healing while overcoming our brokenness, and no one could enter these artificial yet soothing barred havens as our minds realized just how fragmented of an existence as a species that we all as humans had been living.
What outside observers yet unadministered to misread as “regression,” those in transition quickly realized in process as “reclamation.”
Spasming and shaking worked out where our bodies had been trapped in “fight, flight, or freeze” from life’s pressures while we cried out in distressed pain from now-conscious experiencing of how many horrible and tragic twists and turns our ancestry took as it had veered away from the truth of original existence.
It was frightening to witness our eyes rolling back in our heads as we initially panted and frothed from our mouths in distress while mini strokes reopened once blocked and scarred-over neural pathways, restoring passaged access to our true ancestral lineage encoded messaging.
We were at last being delivered from half-lifed ignorance imposed upon us by centuries of insane tyrants, yet untreated society and family members at first sought to stop our progress by disrupting the process.
Luckily, those zealots who tried to kill us in this vulnerable stage were were caught and detained by “guardians” who had already undergone cognitive reparation.
And after about a day or so under the care of this groundbreaking scientific innovation, clarity was restored to our third-eyed vision, returning each one of us to our own ancestrys’ trends of interdependent animism.
Some were accessing knowledge from more like that of the wolf, big cats, or rhinos, for example, whereas others accessed more ancient understandings as that of the first aquatic dwellers who emerged onto land and evolved into birds and reptiles.
There were even groups we would later come to realize had knowledge passed down from the equivalent of great serpents like mythological dragons!
But the common unifier in all of humanity was the synaptic relinking of our species with nature, itself.
Intelligent behavioral characteristics as ancestral instinct were restored to our easy daily access which flowed down through generations, healing our humanity’s separation.
Reconnection to these trace memories gave us each the visceral experience of no longer being alone.
We were reconnected to Source, and the resultant relief and joy at this reunion spread almost instantly across Earth’s nations as we all embraced our species’ salvation.
We still looked the same in our various genetics passed down from “monkeys” as “the change” ultimately took over each and every one of us.
But our minds, hearts, and spirits were no longer rifted apart into segments.
Violence against one another and the other species of our planet became a fading nightmare of insanity as we all came to realize the lie of “survival of the fittest.”
For Nature has ever best flourished by its inhabitants seeking symbiotic relationships.
Viral parasitism has been a genetic mutation aberration that had for too long run rampant among our species, unchecked and selectively propagated by sociopathic narcissist’s who had risen to power by greed and terrorism of our dependent populations.
Targeted culling of healers and innovators during “wars” had continued selective inbreeding of the “retardation” of our species – likely first begun by accident of genetic mutation among certain clans caught by and isolated from the rest of us by ancient envirinmental disasters.
(Gotta Be – Habstrakt)
The Delay Effect
At some point, all of the efforts that I have put into recovery have got to show as catch up to me.
Finding Myself
Not an easy process when I keep shifting states of being.
“Quetzalcoatl”
Zoom a bit…pink and gray.
“Unexpected Fireworks”
“Fireball”
Tangled Webs – Re: Research Process, Assessment Rant 7.28.24
(After Having TBI Reactivated During Summer)
Identifiable format, recognizable format.
These are things that make note taking complicated for me because the visual is getting overburdened by cross referencing between formatting in documents, sources, word descriptions.
It’s not smooth transitioning one thing to the next, as if having several pieces of paper on the table where you could place them side by side progressively.
Trying to emulate that on the computer, when every time I leave one screen to find another – say, working between several word documents – then the first one I was working on fricken’ disappears!
Like this updated Windows version, I guess it’s 2012/2013…as you move from one – or you go down there and you press the Word icon to see all of those Word documents you’re working on – you can highlight one, but in order to click it means you leave the other.
And there’s something about that appearing, reappearing, having to search for things over and over and over again, which is bogging my brain down.
So, for example, if I go to save an item, it’s not remembering where I just was – or even near where I was in the desktop folders.
It brings up the same fricken’ beginner start phase all over again.
“Save it to where we think automatically you want it saved, which is not clearly identifiable on the screen when it comes up? Or would you like to choose one of these items, such as Desktop, etc., Browse?”
Browse is the one you want to choose, ’cause if you click on Desktop, nothing really comes up if it’s this certain folder of Desktop vs. the folder – the little tiny folder on the left Desktop will take you to all of Desktop, which opens up a view, which does not have the complete view of everything.
So then you have to scroll, and then you have to find, and when you go to click on the one, it actually shifts everything over before it actually recognizes that you’ve clicked on one.
So when you go to double click to open up that one, by the time you’ve hit the second click, you’re actually positioned over a different folder.
So, it’s either clicking not enough to get to where you wanna go, or it’s clicking too much because you’ve gone too far – all relative to what the computer decides it wants to show you at any given space or time.
And I’m getting lost in these transitional zones.
I’m getting gummed up in these zones of repetition that are not being continuous to how my brain is actually functioning and trying to go on to those next levels vs. going over the old fundamental levels again and again and again!
It’s stopping my brain’s progress.
It’s making me go backwards.
And having to redo the basic fundamentals over and over and over again – which have nothing to do with the progression whereby I was proceeding and barely holding onto in its progression.
This is extremely vexing and makes me not want to do anything which engages the eyes, or the computer, or notetaking, or anything like that because it is becoming ten times as difficult, ten times as taxing – ten times as miring down what my brain is trying to get done.
And at that point, I don’t think it’s worth it!
I’d rather extrapolate.
You know – just-just have this list of resources that I’m going t hrough, and as I go through them, I want to pick out key points that matter and then I can make a reference.
But, if I’m not finding key points that matter, then I’m not gonna make a reference.
I’m just devouring the data, and that’s what I wanna do is I wanna devour the information, let my brain make some connections as it sees fit to.
But if nothing really stands out, I’m not gonna capture it and write about it.
So to have to go back and figure out, “OK, where did I do it? What did I link? What did I listen to?” over and over and over again when I’m already looking at these huge lists, which are not all one list – they’re this list in this email, and this list in this email, and then it’s this email attached to that email…
I mean, there’s just seemingly no way to make this simple.
It’s all bombardment of data identifying where to find something.
But by the time you’ve gone from one place to the next, you’re further down the rabbit hole, and to get back to where you first were is all these jogs and turns and…
I don’t want to get lost in the boggle of it!
(Trying to type the transcript to this recording today is again reactivating the TBI – Haha!)
Perceived Injustices
Just because something indicating an injustice may be seen, this does not always mean it has necessarily occurred.
For example, two dogs are thrown their biscuit each for returning inside as requested.
One biscuit lands where the hound sees and consumes it quickly.
The other biscuit breaks as it lands in front of the wolf: a piece lands where she can see and thus consumes it; but the other piece slides between her legs and behind to where only the hound sees it – and then scoots between the wolf’s hind legs and snaps it up.
Whereupon the wolf is confused as to what has just happened.
Where did her piece go?
So I give the wolf another biscuit, which gratifies the wolf and erases the perplexed sense of loss from her face.
But now the hound sees this “second giving” in which she has not been included and feels wrongly left out of the equation.
A human could say that the hound had been “greedy;” that she “should not have” eaten the wolf’s second piece; and therefore, that the hound deserves this sense of disparity.
Further, the tallied data is that the hound got one and a half pieces of biscuit, while the wolf initially only received one half.
Therefore, technically, feeding the wolf another biscuit while then excluding the hound “evens” their intake – and it could be said that justice has been quite literally “served.”
However, dogs do not think in human “abstractions” once food hits the ground, senses become engaged, and primal directives take over.
Dogs register opportunities, and they assess and act upon them according to their long-encoded internal “laws of canine survival.”
In this case, the hound gauged the location of the piece as being nowhere near the wolf’s mouth, so it was “fair” “game” as long as she could act quickly and smoothly enough to not incite the wolf’s ire.
According to the hound, she had executed her successful play according to “pack rules” and therefore had earned the piece.
So why has she been excluded from second serving? What could she have possibly done to deserve such treatment?
Such questions are now being conveyed audibly by certain low-toned groan-whines as the hound quietly grouses to herself, yet volume increases as she directs hurt inquiries to me.
The only way for my actions to be seen as “just and fair” is to give each dog a third serving of biscuit!
Candid Corvid Productions 