Merit
We must look for and keep searching for what calls to our own truths of spirit.
The Steamed Bean
“How can you be so amazingly insightful – yet still be so bloody typical?!”
“Gumption, Ms. McGill”
Rather than accept a substandard role playing counter to a promoted leading lady, I would rather divert my attentions toward promoting my own roles.
(Title quote from “Working Girl”)
That Being Said
Reviewing my life’s circumstances, trends, and calculating probabilities, I have until next summer to ensure something great happens.
(Patience – Guns N’ Roses)
Eureka!
The underlying reason I feel “unattractive” by societal standards is because media propagates avoiding representations of truth!
And my standard of being the most authentic, good versions of my self expression (at least when around others – lol) goes directly against this messaging!
No wonder I feel that I am all alone in the world amidst a sea of obscurity, and that I cannot trust others to value me!
What Burns
Seeing another woman receive such generosity from a partner that they did not put in work for.
Some precious things ought not to be given away so easily due to “beauty” or “status” or “fantasy.”
Or “overcompensation.”
But “truth” is not always seen as attractive.
The Right One
The complete trust that I extended,
The way I admired and appreciated him:
These are not things to be given again
Without the recipient being match-worthy.
“In The Rain”
So neat! If you look at the light on the left, it looks like the sun during the day and its light coming through tall, thick forest trees to illuminate a place previously bound by shadows.
Already There
It is hard to feel “good enough” when I have not already developed “industry proficiency.”
It doesn’t feel “substantial” to have raw talent, in whatever stage and form it may be.
Fargh!
How am I supposed to thoroughly detail a car with these injuries?
(Gnashing of teeth while considering)
Step by step, and over many days.
So frustrating!
About Face
Not wearing foundation makeup – generally, fine “spackle” to cover and “hide” any imperfections – disallows one any “false” confidence.
Do we need to see an ideal of perfection in our reflections to portray true beauty’s grace?
If I depended upon this for my character, my truth would be off-base.
Dear Alex,
Tell me something worthwhile in such moments of grief and loss.
Don’t fake it – make it meaningful.
Let your words take me someplace extraordinary.
(Mirrors – Trilucid, Intro Mix)
Emotional Intelligence
She knew that when they threatened her it was because they lacked skills and understanding.
But that did not stop the pain from hurting.
543
The countdown for purging internal insanity.
The Cry For Purity
“Stop It! Let Go Of Me!” She struggled to break free of their insinuitive, grasping influences. “I just want my own power – at nobody else’s expense!”
(Life Could Not Better Be – Danny Kaye)
Jane Eyre, A&E
“I am not a great beauty, I am Jane Eyre. And your love is all I need, Edward.”
(Hey Moon – Jon Maus)
I Should Have Told Him
I should have said it – straight forward – on the day of his accident.
I was too polite.
Too caring.
Too sensitive to the direness of his situation.
And it never stopped being dire – even with the lull of his drawn-out “waking coma.”
It wasn’t fair, really.
My being “set up” to be stuck on pause in that situation.
The elements had conspired against him, though my will’s love had been advocated for and a second chance granted.
In the end, “Loki’s” trickster ways won, anyway.
He’s a right brute-bastard, that one.
I’d like to sock him in the chops, sometime.
Or maybe mess with his own head by kissing him.
At The End Of The Day
Too often, we do not express our deepest truths in life as we are living.
Reloqui
“Who are you?” he asked of her, mildly flustered,
“I am ‘love that finds a way.’ And I’ve found you.”
Admission
“It’s fine. I’ll get over it. I always do!” she valiantly decreed.
“No you won’t,” he chided softly from those warm tambor depths
” I know I won’t…I never do.”
(Title play with words.)
Undercurrents
The dreams of him loving her had been about the person he had portrayed and those soul qualities.
To save her heart from further pain, she needed to avoid knowing what the real man was doing.
Shakey Legs
I shall pretend that their uncertainty in every step is because I have just come into port from a long sea voyage.
Scrappy
I really love being back into the music scene!
(Night Ride Across The Caucasas – Loorena McKennitt)
In This Time
Will there be enough of it to achieve my next great advancements?
Spy Octopus Helps Friend Hide From Shark
It’s Hard To Tell
Has it taken this long for me to learn enough to now begin doing what I came here to do?
Or has the delay been from time needed to reclaim ground that traumatic events blasted?
“Inside-Up”
“Filagree”
“Golden Birch”
“X’s And O’s”
“Wish Weed”
Zoom.
Wildling
When I try to record my wild side singing, she hides out of view and what comes out is a mere croaking memory.
(Evidgt Regn – Frander)
“Awakening”
(White Bird – It’s A Beautiful Day)
We Must Be
What we are designed for and aim to be.
Visionary
It seems the skin of my eyelids is trying to cover up what I have seen. For in perceiving deeper implications, the mind is want to scream!
A Creative Life
I wonder how many artists are, in truth, tormented souls.
“You There!”
“I see what you are doing!
Even though I am cloaked in sanctity – you thought you’d be my undoing!”
The Highest Honor
Many people would jump at the chance to become famous – at least in portayal of their legacy.
But if asked, some true creatives living closest to and tending to their own source would disagree – especially if no permission was asked for nor given.
Snapping Teeth
“Do not use me as some other girl’s portrayal of womanly character!
I have fought hard to win my own authenticity.
No one else gets to take the credit!”
Homelessness
Sometimes it is from economic influences.
Sometimes it is from one’s own or another’s choices and behaviors.
And sometimes it is from sheer determination to make a life better for one’s self and their dependents.
A Mean Implication
“Maybe it’s your side that needs fixing…” with regards to Twin Flame reunions.
But then, the whole Twin Flame relationship seems like a b.s. racket in how its dynamics are set up.
Why be bound to someone spiritually who by splitting off as a half from a whole is possibly no longer alike you in any way?
And what would incentivize them to “rejoin” with you, now that they’ve acquired a new sense of freedom?
(Title play with words)
Re My Profile Photo
When it was taken, I was trying out the concept of wearing glasses and had just reached a level of modified stability after recovering from the first bout of homelessness by extreme circumstances.
I was at last feeling a bit recovered then, and that the world was again opening up for me.
I was determined to make the most of it – as can be seen in my hopeful and youth-filled smiling.
I reflect in review how it is said that negative patches in one’s life can be seen over time as just blip-hiccups in the relative scheme of comparative positives.
Yet, it seems that my life’s trends have been full of managing some sort of substantial loss and tragedy.
That being said, I can still hope and reach for someday flipping circumstances to represent more in my favor.
Candid Corvid Productions 