Time is always on our side, for it is the basis upon which our material reality resides.
(I’m On Fire – Nors Kode)
The Night’s Mistress
Under lock and key
With no master:
Kept safe.
Sacred.
Sleepless In Seattle – Jonah Calls A Radio Talk Show
Patterns
Perhaps the only way to avoid repeating them is to no longer have a stake in the game.
(Arcade – Duncan Laurence)
Replenishment
How can you refill a well if there are cracks in it?
(Ten – Club Mix – Quivver)
Wait for it…
“Aquila”
“Solaris”
George Clooney’s movie version.
“Rippling”
“Lapis”
“Coral Nymph”
If, Then
It doesn’t really matter
If it ends with a clatter,
Or if feels a bit de-ranged
Like a boomerang’s claim,
Or if bursts like an explosion
After years of bin’s corosion:
All that matters is I cared
And you were there.
The Waiting Game
Some things take me a while to configure – and then I leap exponentially.
Nausea
Migraine locking down on neck with stomach swelling, she pushed against green haze to overcome her body’s rebellion.
Still Here
“Why did you leave?” he asked her.
“I had nothing interesting left to contribute” she replied.
Feeding Frenzy
She had already made the decision to leave on her own, but glimpsed as she left how they jostled for his throne.
(Butterflies – Tony Anderson)
“Purple Haze”
Zoom to see patterns.
(As The World Falls Down – David Bowie – Music Box)
Sleepless In Seattle Movie Spoiler Ending: They Finally Meet
In A Tailspin
I did not like my inside attitude today. It was frustrated and angry.
The cottonwood trees have been dropping their fluff fronds full of seeds. Because my hound loves to crunch, she had been eating them, which is toxic to her tummy.
Which means I can no longer let her outside in the yard unsupervised. Which means I have to keep her on a leash during potty time.
We are both upset about this. She shows it to me by second-guessing my desires and cowering.
I hate that because it gives me a complex – as if I have been beating her. This arrangement also stirs up memories of when we were homeless.
And the bones I bought from the store to bake for the dogs for their chewing were rotten. It vexes me greatly when my efforts are “for nothing.”
I need supports that I can count on. It sometimes seems that they get blown away by the wind.
Dear Alex,
Do you remember when I first wrote to you end of 2020? I was “on the mountain,” trying to reach for and free my wings to fly to you.
Then, I realized there was still much I had to do as I hit limitations of that situation. I had to release my family from our location’s bondage.
By combination of innovation and maximization of limited resources, my family broke free and made it to a better community. I worked to get my feet solidly under me so that we could secure our rights to stay as its new citizens.
With the new year of 2023, I next reclaimed my former powers of independent contracting and entered into a phase of healing myself from past emotional and physiological injuries. I have been making progress exponentially, although it seems too slow at times for me.
These phases have been mine to go through and I am sure that I have many more to experience. I am regaining my sense of confidence and competance as I carefully rebuild my own tiny empire.
And I miss you, even though I don’t really know you. How can it be that I feel we are kindred when we have never even once met officially?
There are so many things that I want to do, many of which I have noted on this site’s profile page. Creating my script would be the primary, but creating music and art pulls hard at me, too.
Having extra time on hand to invest in these activities seems hard to come by currently. I keep simplifying my life in an attempt to make room for them, but the truth is, my passion has flown to gardening.
To cultivate a small Eden’s sense of paradise has been soul soothing. I cannot express in words the happiness I feel when I experience our garden’s flowers blooming and get to eat the snow peas straight from their tendriling!
Yet, it doesn’t take much to suddenly flood my days around business building. Family needs and other responsibilities sashay forward insistently to take the leading roles on life’s stage.
When is there time for me and for what my own heart is wanting? I love being a mother and tending to my nestlings, and everything we are doing is much needed in future building.
Meanwhile, I have these cordoned-off zones in my being that I cannot seem to access currently. Their signs say “under new management,” “reconstruction in progress,” and some even read as pure blank “nothings.”
I have never before felt restricted in my powers and held back from my desire to achieve. Is this just a result of adrenal fatigue and its process of recovery?
Deep inside me somewhere, my spirit is fiercely struggling. Like a butterfly fighting to break free of its cocoon, my repeated effort’s gain has been making me stronger.
I know that it has been best that you have not directly helped me. I have needed to regain my self on my terms for my pride to display its teeth.
However, I do chafe at the patience needed. It is not easy having a driven soul held back by the process of its own humanity needing healing.
(Infinite Horizons – Angsu)
Video Clip Of The Eve
(Near The End – Illum Sphere)
(There’s No More Soul – Tall Black Guy ft. Diggs Duke)
(Daylight – David Kushner)
Space-Time Continuum
The distance between what I have had and what I would like to have in a relationship seems worlds apart.
(Dreams Of U – Mvrina)
Insecurity
The fact that it can become a state of being after a longterm series of stability disruptions is a bit disconcerting.
I would like to be in charge of my own neural programming.
To Be Loved
Nourished, valued, wanted.
Dear Alex,
I know you have been searching and yearning like I have.
If you have found your one, I can only wish you happiness.
Broken Mold
“They just don’t make them like me that often. I am not perfect by any means, but my soul’s will is stronger.”
A Greater Love
My heart’s purpose was stronger than the hearts that I partnered with over time.
I thought that greatness resides within each of us.
I was proven wrong.
“Favorite Flowers”
I would take these any day for my bridal parade. Petunias, violas, lobelia, and more!
If Dreams Would Come
If I knew that a true partnership could be had, I would include such a one in my present and future.
“Purple Mountains”
“Mystic Nudibranch”
See its cloud antennae out in front on the right over the setting sun? Such a graceful, flowing wind creature.
Elysium
By our own hands, we will create our fortune.
(Assembly – Avtel)
Bliss
Mineral shopping, bakery visits, and gathering plant favorites.
Majesty
A swallowtail butterfly soar-fluttered outside my bedroom window, sunlight reflecting off from its gracefully-arced yellow.
And it hit my heart strongly that I have found a home when nature’s heralds come calling.
To The One I Love
I have a tendency to reject my own unique beauty automatically because I see what media caters to and think that you might not want me.
I am sorry that all of this brainwashing has propagated imbalanced preferences within the masses, and that I have not been strong enough to overcome it when thinking on my own about our prospective partnership.
Bu,t perhaps if I knew that you loved me as well, I would have the missing key to vanquish the messaging.
Oh My Gosh!
I am beginning to see my anterior rib muscular definition – Woot!
Creating Structure
I had wanted to go to a movie last night, but instead returned home after a long, hot day of running errands.
The little jobs of straightening, ordering, and winding down the household from 8 to 10pm began a countdown necessary for unwinding the hindbrain.
It seems I chose the best option because I carry that experience of resettling with me today as this morning ramps up too quickly for the rest of the day’s activities.
Reemerging
It was with great relief yesterday that as I was paused at a stoplight, I looked down and noticed the tensile, healthy-plump tension has returned to my forearms.
I had a decade of my life’s youth taken from me in a day, and twenty that I did not get to live fully.
It is the least I can do for myself to reclaim how I feel I look and act as my true individual identity.
Remembering Me
Watching the Destan series, it has finally jogged my memory that as a child I had to act ignorant to no longer be an obvious target to abuse’s hostilities.
As I grew, I kept my awareness hidden even from me so that I could not accidentally give myself away – yet, the growing healer in me would emerge suddenly and temporarily to help someone if I found them in need.
No wonder I shake and quiver at the primal, subconscious level as I continue to reveal me.
To do so was never safe on the paths I had to travel to flee captivity.
Candid Corvid Productions 