Candid Corvid Productions

Waiting through the night for my own light to push back the night.

Knowledge can be condenced into efficiency.

I do not have lifetimes in this one to learn the trades of masters.

I must distill to essentials to cultivate what I need.

And then, somehow, put it on the screen.

One must step forward in the direction they would like to go if they hope some day to arrive there.

“Embrace them” – squeeze them tight!

I wish that I could access and express all of the better parts of me, but right now, I am at a defecit.

This is what life is truly about!

I looked for you today at the local coffee shop, thinking somehow that you would recognize me.

But of course, if you were there, your eyes would have passed over me as I blended too easily into the scenery while securing the item that my car roof was carrying.

“Would you type?!!”

(Me admonishing my unhelpful touch keypad.)

Much better than quitting – and helps the heels kick up a little to break off what’s stodgy.

I literally cannot afford it!

To gripe in deep frustration or a type of bird that hides in the reeds.

Athenapedia.

The registration I protected has gone missing and to get a copy is difficult due to miring in California’s DMV system.

And I can’t get tech support from WordPress to help navigate the next storage space advancement.

All I can focus on without getting seriously vexed is putting one foot in front of the next.

I would like to think that low funds are a sign of needs being met and our situation stabilizing.

However, it takes new associative programming to no longer feel on the edge of being compromised.

Consciousness advocates for the body by voice while the body asks for help by conveying pain.

Healing happens when both are understood and tended to according to the self’s assessment.

A good healer trys to “speak” their client’s “language.”

When The Body Says No: The Cost Of Hidden Stress, By Gabor Mate

Discusses the effect of the mind-body link on illness and health and the role that stress and one’s individual emotional makeup play in an array of common diseases. drgabormate.com/book/when-the-body-says-no/

Shake It Off Naturally, By David Berceli PHD

TRE® is an innovative series of exercises that assist the body in releasing deep muscular patterns of stress, tension and trauma.  traumaprevention.com/

I was on a leading wave, trying to navigate by instincts that could not find their answering ping because the one I was looking to meet had not arrived – and would not for awhile, yet.

So I left Santa Barbara, turning away from the call to search in South California, and returned home to focus efforts on raising some beautiful children.

Time’s reflection shows how much we have all grown

Helping out a peer today, I found that at the end of the session I felt extremely vulnerable.

I guess I hoped she would count me as a friend.

When there is insecurity in the household, a mother’s duty has been to put on hold the personal self care aspects that she needs.

But when her children are grown enough to care more for their selves, it becomes her obligation to reclaim that which defines her own identity.

Would an extrovert appreciate an introvert?

However, I am external in specific situations.

It isn’t that I need more classes, but that I need time to practice and develop my skills further.

If I leave this site as it is and switch over to just posting photos and videos in Instagram, how then would I externalize my thought expression?

It seems I am reaching the limit of my free storage space.

Ever on the horizon,
Blessed if overhead:

If it weren’t for your light,
My heart would be dead

But this time, I blared my horn ahead of time – even though that driver wasn’t paying attention either and still started drifting into me!

Are they tourists unfamiliar with the territory?

The places where these incidences were happening seems pretty simple navigating.

Am I rattled?

Definitely a bit miffed that I had the full weight of responsibility put upon me to make sure we avoided the accident.

What’s funny is I spoke to my eldest about how in driving I check three times before I commit, and this is how I avoid accidents.

The driver wasn’t as careful and luckily, I was aware enough to notice this.

BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP!

I blared my horn as I slammed on the brakes while controlling as I swerved my car to a stop into the right bike lane.

The driver of the merging vehicle from the grocery store parking lot had forgotten that I existed as I made sure that they narrowly missed me – instead of wrecking both of our vehicles.

Skid marks and my worn tires tell the tale, though the driver just kept going – possibly oblivious.

The labradorite stone that represented me and went missing for several months returned to my hands today.

Apparently, it had slipped from my pocket and then slid into the side of a chair’s cushion at a couple’s home whom I highly esteem.

Having glimpsed aspects of their relationship time and again, I have considered theirs a positive example of how I would like my future partnering with my own beloved to be.

I was elated to see it again and view its return as important symbolically.

My eldest soothed me yesterday by reminding me that in Elvin years, I would be an adolescent and that they are proud to have inherited some of my woodland grace.

It makes me so happy to be “seen” and loved by them, and for my children and I to be reunited!

I don’t like being past age fifty. Look at how outdated society is trying to pidgeonhole me?

“Yesterday” I was still deemed “viable:” someone to be counted on – reliable.

As long as I was in my fourties, I could still look for someone compatible with youth running in their veins and like will to tame the untameable.

Now, even in the dating apps I am relegated to finding men older than me, barred from finding the mirror image of my soul’s thrumming vitality!

She had wanted to hide her maturity for fear of being judged by it.

But now she was trying to redefine what her own truth meant to her.

The lines under my eyes are turning into exotic patterns, like Persian artistry proving my life’s accomplishments.

I have hidden my pain and dissappointment underneath a cheerful smile.

I save what little veneer I have left to lift others’s days for awhile.

I have never been injured as such, nor had to account for previously experienced injuries at such levels.

It is odd and discouraging to feel so much pain, pressure, and disorientation.

But I think the less that I resist the process, the easier and perhaps quicker shall be my recovering.

Yeah, tell this to my instincts, where fighting has been what ensured our survival!

It is temporary at best for a soul as mine which always quests.

I ought to not panic when I feel my abilities checked – but simplify so that I can squeeze through the eye attempting to exclude my entry.

The answer is not there anyway, but here: I must begin with all that I hold dear.

And focus on physical rehabilitation while gardening to get this year’s seedlings planted.

It took awhile for her to recognize her potential was real and worthy.

Developing in a suppressive atmosphere had reinforced others’ negativity.