Candid Corvid Productions

A way of survival – but not a way of truly living.

Could also be seen as self investigation.

I mean, afterall, it is completely up to me to rootkit what has conscripted my programming.

Trauma keeps trying to become – but IS NOT my identity.

Well, yeah…I have one.

By now, it should be obvious.

(Lol)

Born gentle as a light bringer to love and heal – turned dark and determined to beat back hell’s demons.

Force of impact by blasts of rage is all that ever burst open locked cellar hatches blocking her rise to ascension.

It is here where being nice gets you nowhere.

She could not reconsile the vast, horrendous difference between her life’s work of positive, mindful intention – and the truth of what eventually happened by the works of another’s undermining hand

Sometimes, I hate that I am one of the first.

It is f-ing painful and lonely out here.

What the f*** do I need to do to heal and get to where I need to go?

Suffering can be a part of life – but life is not about suffering!

Maybe I need to find a niche support group.

The body assaulted by virus and pain throughout every inch of crisis territory dives deep into oblivion, waiting for the chance to get back out into fresh air, help other people heal, and generate income again.

Is it better to have an empty head, having captured and written down thoughts – or to have a head bustling full of them, competing for notice?

The way a person adapts and evolves is important to me.

One must fill it with their self to become properly identified.

She had to break off scenes from her memory and cast them out to sea so that they no longer plagued her.

This mean, nasty cold has got me.

I have come this far by sheer will’s determination.

How do I establish new patterns that deflect hell’s descension?

Because we are kindred, and kindred for me is rare.

At least I showed up.

At least, I tried.

After approximately six months of just sheer endurance, one lavendar epsoms bath acquired.

Hal.

Leh.

Lu.

Jah.

One must believe that it IS going to ease up and that the body will heal, eventually…

Efuvius

Low income, create income, challenges hit, someone is sick, I get sick, lose income.

She had to begin with someone anonymous to her, who was already partnered so that they could get right down to the grist of collaborative synergy without fear of transference crossovering.

She knew that within her was a power capable of transforming those she came into contact with; she was a catalyst and had to be mindful in everything that she was doing.

As they exchanged concepts and ideas regarding proceeding, she confessed to him that acting had been like a “no-go” zone for her – that it had been somehow impressed upon her that if she stood out and expressed herself, she would be attacked and ridiculed.

She angled the Zoom camera so that he could see her hand gently cradling that trembling part of her hidden identity as she asked him to guide this vulnerable part of herself with gentle, nourished safe-keeping.

The wonderful part was that he completely understood and that they shared a commonality in their language of mutual, complex, deeper interrelating of concepts and thematics.

She was thrilled to get to have this oportunity with one so skilled and willing to help advance her externalization.

I used to delve deep into the subconscious web of dreaming we can all tap into if we are open and willing.

I used to enter a room and find him there, doing something. Sometimes we would share thoughts and other times, just exchange impressions.

Then one day, she infiltrated into our connection, pushing an arm hard against me, begging me to let them be – to give her this chance to make him happy.

I had been drawn by his and my rare connection, unsure if what they were doing was for show or pure intention – but was so startled that I let her input affect me.

If he is going to walk that external path and she truly wants this opportunity, I do not belong in the middle of it.

There is an underlying honor system to such things and he has not been advocating for me, directly.

Since then, I have been closing off our internal communications – for afterall, they could all just be inside my “head,” like some internal-loop fantasy.

But it hurts to be without him, and when I feel him there, my heart takes flight and I’m someone I’ve only dreamed of being.

“How do I manifest this feeling into my reality?”

Is this even the right phrasing to be choosing?

Of the pair, the one that represented me has gone missing.

I am not surprised by this (in fact, I felt it coming) for to think that I could be partnered with one of his caliber has been replaced by his newfound mistress “reality.”

It wasn’t something that I had planned for, anyway.

It was based upon “sending’ dreams – and clearly the messengers got their wires crossed.

They were wrong – and they just have to admit it.

Perhaps it is best that the stone got lost, as it represented me – and once he chose another, I kept feeling like the stones’ pairing made me as an interloper.

But the question is raised as to my not liking this repeat resulting.

That gorgeous stone represented me tremulously reaching to acknowledge my own beauty.

Now she is gone – that representation of me – and I am erased again, left to my own reforming.

Ah, for you get to see my innate tendency to laugh and play – to seize the day! – were I truly and wonderously free to indulge in luxury.

Caw! Caw!

I am finding fellow expressionists!

Caw! Caw!

Move these blocks out of the way to make the best of this!

Listen, I know that I could be hard to keep up with – and I’ve been given way too much negative messaging.

But if you stay and observe awhile, you’ll see my patterns are valiant, loving, attentive, and caring.

The concept that a guy would want to partner with her while she engaged this resurgence of synergy did not make sense to her.

There were depths and levels in this self discovery that required flexibility and openly-honest responding.

From the mess that had been her life before, she had not gained any positive reinforcing in relationships – unless she stayed distant and cultivated surface-interface kinship.