The Task: Hold ground.
The Game: Strategize for better position.
The Task: Hold ground.
The Game: Strategize for better position.
When a person wants a home, yet circumstances keep ejecting, it seems that wanting something you cannot have has become delusional.
These days, holding to one’s ideals and not “selling out” is considered as such.
It is nearly impossible for anyone to truly claim they have designed themselves without there having been some outside influence assisting.
However, it is what we choose to do with the stimulus that keeps us low – or takes us to greatness.
She had to learn how to fight in order to protect herself and those she loved.
Strength in claw,
Bite within teeth:
A gentle soul
Is still fierce.

I got to speak with a younger sibling last night who has grown in ways that I am so proud of.
They had loving, wise words of encouragement for me. It felt good to share and be seen as valid.
If I knew this would all lead to you, would I relax more and just let it happen?

It is supposed to be a survival trait that adult behaviors naturally imprint upon children, thereby ensuring productive continuance of the human race.
However, it is a flaw within our society that we do not give more support to struggling families – and thus propagate dysfunction that does not abate.
No buffers and others making mistakes that affect me directly do not help my feeling in control of things – especially financially.

The main type that I am is that I try hard while pushing at barriers to make things happen when they need to.
Is happiness something we can always come home to? Or is it fleeting like clouds on the wind.
Partners make room for and include each other in their lives.
Hey.
You out there.
I love you.
I have survived by capitalizing upon words spoken and fashioning them into new meaning for my own mantras toward better beginnings.
I had not realized how much some of their songs have plugged into my heart and kept me soaring.
“Radio Ga Ga,” for example, has some amazing chords and harmonies.
“Someone still loves you…”
I keep thinking that I need to stay “grounded” although my wings keep aching to fly.
But when I commit, others do not to the same degree – and I have to ask myself, “Why?”
(Double meanings)
I love change, flow, and synergy – just trying to gain some security.
A baseline reliance would be nice – not asking for any greed or vice.
A “transport” that will take me places that I have yet explored – where I’ll meet people I have yet to adore.
As a woman born in the 70’s, I have experienced many rapid changes in societal perception of what a female’s role can and should be.
However, how I chose to proceed in my previous relationships was even more innovative by groundbreaking degrees.
It should not be surprising that I long to “settle down” and live a life more traditionally, given trends of disruption and tragedy.
However, what that actually looks like and means – to this, I still bring flexibility.
What dynamics are possible in good partnering where we best intertwine connection and individuality?

Wildfire Smoke Over Harvest Full Moon
A bug just flew directly into my ear!
This evening on the new mountainside, in the garden while we were among our plants as watering, a raven croaked several times as flew overhead. Our first since we’ve been in local residence.
And then, youngling found a young, green grasshopper, a brown baby alligator lizard, and a small, gray, fuzzy and hopping delicate mouse shrew.
When we noticed a rose and hibiscus were getting munched, we found three large green grasshoppers – a praying mantis, too!
I gathered the mantis gently into my hand, hoping that it would not fly off. It began climbing up my arm – and posed while preening for the camera!
If I did not have to deal with constant life instabilities, would I have more confidence in my abilities?
Would I “believe” in this “reality?”
Or is confidence merely illusion reinforced by one’s competance, despite convolutions?
It is difficult, but necessary, to move forward and extend one’s hand in confidence for networking when the path behind is crumbling and quickly encroaching – threatening to up-end.
Even at the risk of missing an important call, I must allow myself to catch up on sleep.
Caught in another person’s nightmare,
Granted clemency only by a conviction,
The world kept increasing difficulty
In what was required to survive in it.
Every day, the front desk had to be paid – whether rich, poor, or begging for more; snow, heat, fire, or rain.
She usually did not put lotion behind her ears, unless for some reason she felt there was some dryness.
On this day when she did, she felt something like a tiny crab scramble away from her fingertip toward her ear’s posterior crease insertion against her skull.
It eluded her touch and imbedded itself, now only detectable as a resistant scab she could feel barely lifting just under her fingernail – yet, not flaking off.
She had resisted its programming. No wonder she felt so tired and overloaded all of the time! Her immunity had kept fighting against its neuro-injection messaging.
Whether by instinct, design, or fate, she now realized why she had chosen her life’s vector of entering.
She had acquired just enough hardship exposuire while maturing while her consciousness kept getting manipulated to near wiping of her identity so that by the time the bots were set free on society she was used to auto- rebooting when glitching.
This explained why she could “see” where others could not through the fugue of confusion, for truth had been what she had practiced seeking.
With an unexpected rush of elation, she realized that she could now find a way to conscript the device to aid in restructuring her core thinking.
(July 14, 2022)
“Isn’t it better to be friends, first?”
It isn’t about what I want, what I am striving for, or what should happen.
Everything is being dictated by external circumstances.
Places I have committed to are not generating revenue.
Versatile, adaptable, responsive.
Endurant love.

I like to think that he’s out thete, somewhere, thinking of me.

In the smokey haze from wildfires…
This was the song, lol.
Right before a certain song came on the outside loud speaker of a hamburger joint, I began singing it my mind – and then heard it!