Candid Corvid Productions

By need and chance, I am getting connected with local sustainability enthusiasts!

The emotions prodded her jarringly to say mean things – to lash out in fear, pain, and horror at the injustice and inhumanity – but instead, she kept fighting for control to remain silent so that she could just get everything managed in time for leaving.

I may have found a place where I can store the plants, just in time for our final phase of moveout.

Cold, light yellow plums bursting with sweet juice and an oh-so-sour skin straight from the tree, and my youngling’s fabulous, lovingly-tended-to-perfection pecan-blueberry coffee cake.

Last minute thrift seeking for final things we need, I happened by a scarf rack and was drawn to the beauty of some of what they displayed.

Then, upon acknowledging that I very much liked one in particular, I realized that it had been mine – accidentally thrown by haste into the donation box I had dropped off – and repurchased it!

I had a cute end to a dream which had me silly-chuckling out loud from my sleep into the reality outside my dreaming that the reason we don’t often see Superman behind the scenes is that sometimes his body contortion to get flying is off-sync, and he is floating in mid air just flagellate-inch-worming while trying to get his powerful muscles coordinated. Watching this and laughing would not be PC.

Having let the pup loose, she now paces, whining, and coming into my room has turned on the sensor lamp temporarily placed on the floor from zero to three levels of brightness with her nose.

A new earring popped free and disappeared while unloading; my new phone fell flat onto hard concrete, cracking the safety screen; and final packing/cleaning details are left up to me as my youngling’s foot is incapacitoried.

Doo-doo dee dee.dee.dee!

When cultivating a dream, one cannot always focus upon and chase money, especially when dealing with life-altering emergencies.

And yet, it would be nice if one could count on the followthrough of others.

I guess being let down just blares more loudly when one is hanging on by a thread.

Order is temporary illusion.

My youngling breaks their toe.

Should I just give up?

Lol.

I have decided today that I shall go through my beautiful fabrics and give them all away except for one costume that I could wear to an event like a Ren Faire.

I will also lovingoy gather the gifts my ex-fiance’s mother gave me and donate them to the masjid, as well as the extra versions of Qu’ran – except the one she gave me, and the lovely booklet on Muhammad my ex-fiance gave me.

I can no longer carry the burdens of a past that I cannot reclaim, nor that no longer claims me.

I tried going to the masjid to pray again today because in the women’s chamber, alone, I find communion.

I am a hybrid and do not follow any one religion’s full traditions. They all seem distorted to me.

I just want to get into that cool sanctuary when no one lingers and feel what I feel when I have God with me.

I can’t find this sense in a Christian church because those crowding minds keep the truth from me.

In Islam, a primary belief is one’s having a direct link to God without having to go through a priest, which makes sense and appeals to me.

But to have the code to the door, you must believe as they believe.

And God follows me like a shadow.

I have a lot of fear of the unknown. Well, with regards to how to function without housing stability.

I do not like being dependent upon the kindness of strangers. I know my willingness to invest in them, but not their willingness to invest in me.

If I am unique in that I usually go above and beyond, what hope can I have that I will find even matching in my community?

Not to say I am different or better, but I do not like being cast out with the ragged homeless and mental-emotional instabilities.

Exactly how am I to maintain my poise and confidence with the crazy raging all around me?

A side effect is extreme insecurity – and anger rising in an attempt to preserve any sense of safety.

She tried speaking with him by connecting with his mind, but kept encountering her own internalized defense reactions.

A couple of hours relearning patience and the art of inquiry, including respecting my own time needed to process, for under $10 I learned how to replace my bike’s brakes and brake cables – then went on my first ride in over four years, met some lovely community neighbors, and found a rental lead!

I don’t know what the “real” answer is.

I just know that for me, seeing all of those amazing wasps crammed into the kill traps and packed tight in their death struggles seemed wrong and full of blatant cruelty.

The kind of logic that has lead humans to this point of “us against them” mentality is outdated and should no longer be propagated.

Maybe we were the exception, but once we moved onto that mountain, I asked Nature to let us find a way to live harmoniously – and She agreed.

This morning, my youngling could no longer take the workment pounding overhead immedately at 8am, so I let them sleep in my bed.

It is difficult to not throw a fit every time plans do not progress how I have arranged them. Youngling in my bed means that I am not packing and moving items into the truck. But, I must be their buffer so they are rested for helping this evening.

Therefore, I took the dogs out for a dragging-me-snuffle morning walk while I at last sorted through and cleared my voicemails, thereby making room for more returns on resource searching.

I have found a place that for a chunky price will clean the entire interior of my reclaimed car and blast its internals with several hours of its fans running while circulating ozone. It has needed a good mountain mildew spore “nuking from orbit.”

After I work on the one client I made exception to help on my day off because she will be leaving the country to return to her homeland, I will take my bike to see if it can be repaired in anticipation for needing its transportation after dropping my car off for cleaning.

I have cancelled personal appointments and am focusing on investing in our animals medical needs and updating records. I also have to get the car at least temporarily registered.

So many pieces are still needed to get moving to their proper places and I have to pause to ensure strength for my clinic’s work allotment.

It takes a ton of patience to not yell at the landlord for her remodeling’s above us timing, as her actions send the message that she just does not care about our needs while leaving.

“Keeping within legalities” is still “less than human.”

I am trying to find curiosity rather than bias in seeing it she returns our deposit, or if she decides to find reason to not return it – such as (as other landlords have done) using it to fund her delayed maintenance.