Candid Corvid Productions

It was always there, underneath the surface – quietly screaming.
She could not understand why ground didn’t hold to get better.

An entire lifetime in some sort of denial or struggle that
Just would not resolve no matter what she put into it –

Until she finally accepted this would just be as it was
And began focusing on what she enjoyed, instead.

Determined to reembrace joy,
She splurged despite worries

Purchasing flowers and vegetables
For having her transportable garden.

They only last as long
As we keep pretending.

Sometimes we are in denial or
Absorbed into learning aspects,

But, eventually time’s experience
Reveals lack of common values.

Makes thoughts insane
As makes losses regain

What positivity uncovered
Where once undiscovered

That could better manuever
Into reconstructing purpose.

Her growth was not dependent upon others,
But it longed for forums to expand her roles.

How does one
Handle issues?

Look at their past
Response patterns.

See beyond face
Value to outcome.

Tracking while
Seeking signs

Of a heart gone
Into deep cover,

Not realizing that
You can’t find one

Unwilling to be found
With buried emotions.

Positivity acknowledges worth,
Negativity demotes promotion.

Being able to positively contribute
While having space to live joyfully.

Youthful curiosity
In well-bred mind

Beyond singularity,
Unbound by time.

Constant analysis
As only male mind,

Spontaneous leaps
Entwining with mine.

If the effort required engages
More vexation than tolerable,

At this point, no matter reward,
Preference is “avoid if possible.”

For I’m done with aggrivation’s
Entangling in processing loops:

I just want to feel serenity
In everything I have to do.

She was not a control freak – but,
Having one’s mind turned against

While categorized public enemy #1
When existence was exact opposite

Left her feeling brutalized and twitchy,
Unsure she could ever trust a new man.

She had promoted her family of
Children and husband laughing:

It was always her dream to nourish
Any space where hope was lacking.

To see their smiles engaging wiles –
Witness intelligence overcome trials;

To cherish them where she’d had none
Was definition of love’s purpose above.

But, to have every effort bent to match
Man’s subconscious brought damnation.

Sunlight seeks through pinholes in blinds
Where strung slats need spacing as align.

Pressing in its brightness to awaken my duty
Comparing once relationships to own beauty.

I am an innovator – never a dominator, though
Dealing with his checking-out forced me below,

Firming my desire’s requirements as struggling
Against a partner’s “high” deflections mitigating.

I cannot explain what it is like to be thwarted
In every attempt of honesty’s vital functioning –

Except that its like a cloud suppress-engulfing
Momentum into stopping, rendered obsoletion

By a brilliant mind bent upon promoting stoic
Anarchy against structure to appease demons.

Don’t ever commit to a relationship with such
A person determined to avoid all participation

For you will find yourself confused and enraged –
Where before promoted mutual benefit inclusion.

Just because I saw some
And was allowed at table

Does not mean that I know
Their purpose or I am able

To divine their inclinations
Nor why they then included –

Except empathy helps
Others feel understood

Perhaps I have been too active
At work, shopping, and the gym.

Perhaps I will no longer schedule
Doctor or any other appointments.

Perhaps I will minimize paperwork,
Do home workouts and our cooking.

Perhaps I will reboot all my lost energy
By promotion’s slow-down repurposing.

Am I sick or very weary?
They’re the same: dreary.

No payment for confusion;
No refuge in any disillusion.

I’m not being negative, just
What to do has mind hectic.

Learning that bias dominates
Against logic and good grace

Has me worried over everything
And unsure what I can rely upon.

One could think frustration
Is something easy to beat –

Especially when you have
Access to new resources.

When mine were stripped,
Rage flared to immobilize.

I fought severe lockdown,
Recognizing the dangers.

I kept myself from screaming
At circumstances preventing.

I rallied valiantly against the
Depression smothering Hope.

Once we got away, I thought
All that influence dissipates.

But, muscle memory dictates
Until you train it to new things.

There is backlash when
Similar thematics repeat.

Time for quiet’s solitude
Is needed for processing

Before new confidence
Improves associations.

Managing work flows,
Sometimes getting sick:

There are times to move –
Slowing down if too quick.

Looking for your truth, I found me, instead:
I was the one who was my own best friend.

I saw myself just now in
A mirror, looking proud:

It’s so strange how my
Pieces were scattered.