Stream of Thought

Labor Sour

Candid Corvid Productions

Stuck vexation wells up in quiet, explosive curses walking on uneven, shifting terrain that mitigates balance while working on cobbling together what once was homestead fencing.

Past negative association accumulated from living on a mountain in dangerous circumstances with little on-site support – yet intense and condemning criticism from afar by others’ unrealistic expectations.

Stream of Thought

Is It Enough?

Candid Corvid Productions

Maintaining treading water through grinding poverty gets overwhelming and exhausting.

Truthfully, I am done with it.

Just tired of fighting agencies for paymemts due or against others’ bad intentions.

Just tired of being a warrior for empty causes when there is so much more I could be doing and contributing.

I mean, yeah – survival is a baseline cause worth championing.

But, I am a gladiator of re-imagining.

My innovative efforts and abilities are being wasted navigating this cess pool of beaurocratic inception malarkey.

Stream of Thought

Clearing Debris

Candid Corvid Productions

Our boat having landed in a place to replenish resources, I find it is much more important to invest in rest and recovery than to promote deep roots growing into this new soil.

This is a good place and a good community, but it feels like I am three years behind any original goals. And having worked hard to expand upon my previous skillsets, there is a hunger in me to experience life in total as More.

There are collapsing boxes to empty, payments to chase, fraud account wreckage to deflect, and general daily operations to continue while seeking items which keep us functioning.

I wonder how much of this “housekeeping” is required before I begin feeling lighter and can attend to the front of my bow’s desires, rather than worrying about integrity of the hull.

I am restless to claim my dream opportunities, and struggle to prioritize these seemingly menial trivialites which by completing make me stronger in my ability to greet this new future.

Compositions

Being A Real Woman

Candid Corvid Productions

It is difficult to say what these characteristics ought to be, especially when society and the world around us are constantly changing.

Having a sense of humor, charm, devotion, and honest sincerity seem key. But, how and when may these come forth and openly be seen when we are given little opportunity to connect with a worthy partner?

Men have been taught to hide and degrade their own vulnerability. If they are lucky, they’ve had their virility encouraged to emerge as acceptable – although with a bit of tinge toward being destructive.

But, how does an authentic woman convince a good man to come down from his own pedestal and invest in creating genuine relationship, together?

Compositions

Elevation

Candid Corvid Productions

When I was pregnant with first my eldest, and then my youngest, we lived on a hill elevated above a city at each time in different regions,

Like nesting high in a tree, the view over Santa Barbara, and then over Los Osos, California, afforded me with feeling as if I were watching over the world, sending my love and protection out to it.

Lifted high, I was granted grace of separation to grow my children inside of me closer to the stars so that they might more directly receive needed innate wisdom as their souls transferred to here from The Great Beyond.

I loved and appreciated these opportunities.

Compositions

One Would Think I Would

Candid Corvid Productions

I do not speak with old friends very often. Perhaps it is because I am still shell-shocked. Perhaps it is because my life never returned to what I knew back then as “normal.”

I still care for them all, deeply. It is just that I am trying to build a new paradigm for myself, and there is a lot I am having to keep pushing at to make way for me.

Additionally, I am stretching farther beyond any efforts that I have already achieved to reach for important future endeavors. This takes a lot of focus and inner dialogue inside a place of deep listening where I must not be distracted.

Compositions

Defragging

Candid Corvid Productions

At the risk of feeling like I am backtracking, I spent the money that one month’s of storage would have cost and rented a U-Haul to empty the unit.

I did two trips. One took the stored furniture leftovers to a thrift store that donates to an animal shelter, and the the other transported remaining boxes of miscellaneous acccrued back to our apartment to be stacked tight in the front room.

Contained within these boxes are papers and fragments of the past where I had been married and raising young children: their and my school papers; various legal, bill, bank, and school documents; swaths of fabric for costumes and luxurious sheer elvin-type curtains; cd’s, books, technology/tool bits – and more.

These things were kept for rainy days or when we might return to old or begin new projects. Each item has its own value – the kind that once you get rid of it, one day you might need it again.

But, youngling and I have agreed that if we are not using something currently or foresee a soon upcoming need, then we need to get rid of it because each item carries a type of energetic burden just by its inhabiting our space as clutter.

As it is, we will still have the boxes full of photos and creative momentos, but these matter more to our psychology than remnants of past functionality that no longer apply.