Candid Corvid Productions

Finances are transitory: try spending, without needing replenishment.

Yet also, if you rarely spend, the regenerative energy can slow as try to accumulate.

Money is energetic exchange in the form of material or electronic currency

Its management relies on intellect and instinct in understanding how best to use it.

If every cent is put toward leaving a past behind, nothing is saved because all energy is needed for propulsion.

Therefore, other gains like savings, investing, and service advancement are put on a shelf, in stasis.

It doesn’t matter what I tell myself for confidence, when every step is considered a risk when focused on it.

This is my chance before more challenges find me and lift the rock under which I’ve crawled as I’ve sought for even the slightest of shelters.

My writings are thoughts surfacing – things I must promote and remember.

Do not take what I share merely at face value, for my words have depths and complex hidden meanings.

They are meant for you to ponder and reflect upon, pinging your instincts as validating their truth’s congruence to yours.

Prevent your filters from assuming you understand immediately, for my words define a hidden spring, just now revealing.

It’s waters carry within them the earth’s dreams and knowledge we’ve forgotten we are missing.

Look between the lines. See what I am beginning to see, after a lifetime of being caught in a nightmare.

I will do my best to convey what I hear life singing, as it beckons for us to add our melodies.

They come out of walls at me, even as I am just passing by.

Something about me upsets “the status quo” – and I have no idea why!

An example is that I favored a music teacher years ago. He and I got along well, and for a few months, there may have been something.

I was aware of his public acclaim and so tread carefully, observing much going on around me.

One day, a different music teacher actually snarled at me: her face contorted when she looked at me, timed so other staff would not see.

It was the most bizarre aggression – unwarranted and near obscene!

One evening at a concert, I was sitting in the elevated seats next to an elegant elderly woman. She leaned over to me and confided, “I’ve been coming here to his performances for years. This man is quite something!”

Was everybody desiring some piece of him? What had I wandered into? What drew them to “telling” me?

I’ve always had to watch my footing in this land of others’ subconscious reactions.

I hope one day to find a man who understands these things and how to manage them, and who appreciates my aware sensitivities.

Before, my heart was caged. I kept quiet because I was taught to “keep my mouth shut.”

They were wrong, and that’s why they terrorize.

If they were right, we’d gravitate to the truth, complacent.

I may still fear – and every fiber of my being might quiver to hide and return to seclusion.

If it weren’t for the dogs, I could do so easily, and forget.

But, to provide stimulation for them, I put myself “in the lime light,” for they are interesting and of rare breeds.

So am I, but you never would have seen – until now, as my heart begins beating.

When I took the on ramp to a town toward the ocean, I felt pulled into mountains, as if caught by tide’s suction.

As I stopped to u-turn to the store I was seeking, something tugged at my shoulders – as if it was beseaching.

But my radar was spun in those countryside ways: where we have been living has left me in a daze!

Have I craved other intelligence so much I’ve been starving, that to leave its embrace gives sensations alarming?

I resisted the call for a soon future date, when my youngest can accompany in exploration’s dictates.

With relief, the off ramp soon deposited me smoothly back into the stream where I wander enthusedly.

What does this term mean?

Visualize green, lush, sweet grass, swaying in the sunshine’s breeze.

Then, come down into the earth with me, where we can see the root sprouts extending from the tiniest of seeds.

And just below this, the thin layer of nutrient-rich soil – the fragile matrix upon which all life is depending.

From this knowledge of Life’s precarious position, we can rise above ignorance – and Achieve.

My photo, “Secret Bridge,” inspires thoughts of there being energetic gaps in the world, which such visualizations may help us to reconnect.

I mean, think about it…what have we learned in concepts from Sustainability?

Biomes of life are meant to be connected, transmitting communication and energetic transfer exchanges through diversity’s networks.

In progressive human community development, new construction takes these concepts into account.

“Eco Designers” ensure “corridors” remain connected between nature’s biome communities of natural scenery that construction cuts into.

This allows wildlife, plants, and other associated components – such as pollinators, water movement, etc. – to continue productive contribution toward regenerating these systems, which in turn enhances human wellbeing and the health of our planet.

Humans thrive in such systems where we are still part of the natural order of these processes. It’s encoded in our bodies to pick up response cues and interact with our surrounding natural environments.

When we are cast into deserts of shopping malls and apartment complex segregations where such biomes have been destroyed, we become the living, cellular repositories of such energy transmissive potential.

We are the “living bridges” that must hold within us the strength to rebuild what’s now harder to see due to mass industrialization stripping the heart and soul from life’s continuity.

There’s a hunger inside our bodies to be connected. Why does unnaturally-imposed isolation make us yearn to “be free?”

It’s because we instinctually know we belong in a world where nature’s thriving. It’s just taking us a while to “See the Truth” – and Believe.

What is it about this place that draws me closer?

When we were in California, I felt a strong pull to go Northern.

Where we are visiting is a positive transition zone where people cast off judgment – or at least, there’s more social responsibility.

Is that it, then? The cluster of people, ever changing, that come here due to this trending?

I know there are places where environment has greatest influence, and this place is under an open sky, nestled next to a river.

Maybe it’s a straighter shot clear to the ocean, and its location for our needs is more central for growing.

I cannot say we’d stay here forever, as it seems we move every 3-4 years, looking for someplace better – like migratory birds, following fair weather.

We had to file for the K-1 visa twice. It’s been a total of over 4 years now, and the second is still suspended due to the pandemic.

The first K-1 application was delayed five months from processing because President Trump froze the flow of immigration.

When it finally came due to be approved after my fiance’s embassy interview, he had already been put through too much duress by personal trials and how the embassy representative discriminated against him while slandering his good intentions and character.

The embassy then sent me a request for more proofs of my information. I did not understand this final step’s protocol, the embassy would not clarify, and I was confused by what I learned from the lawyer I consulted.

I was also in distress for our relationship, because my fiance at that point did not believe he would be approved, and he didn’t want to keep investing in something impossible to achieve for him.

It is a testament of his love, courage, and commitment that he kept trying to walk the journey with me.

But, I said the wrong keywords to leverage the embassy into helping me, enlisting advocacy from my local governor’s office. The embassy dropped our petition like a hot potato and returned it to the US immediatley.

They marked it as “denied due to suspected fraud,” which killed it, irrevocably.

We had to begin over again, investing more time and money, and it’s only been now with further experience that I understand what happened, and why it did.

I do not know if my beloved and I could have made it together. What has transpired from then to now has destroyed my trust in the situation.

This is what happens when outside influences such as friends, family, and governments are allowed to have power, interfering with a couple’s relationship.

I cannot blame my fiance for leaving, and yet, this is another thing about me: I stick with love so we win the bet!

I felt it when it happened.

Pressure had built up in my system from accidents and other trauma, now tipped by intake of antifungals.

Something in my neck and nerves shifted, altering my eyesight from focusing clearly.

I struggled with this sudden loss and distortion, trying hard to not panic.

As the years progressed and vision got fuzzier, it was hard to not become manic!

But, in times of relaxed introspecting, while walking or driving, suddenly I’m in the moment – and light reveals wonders to me.

Why is it a constant given that in employment I am usually the strongest in upholding morality?

I will contort myself into a knot in order to follow “rules,” yet still provide the best guidance and healthy treatment for clients.

As participants in life, it seems apparent to me that we are each here to support, enhance, and help improve the state of humanity.

Therefore, we ought to lead by example in our personal and professional beliefs and conduct – for people seek good leadership, and “Lord Knows” we need it!

When we first moved to where we are now escaping from, I immediately gained a job at a well-respected bank and was eager to work up the ranks and contribute my business skills and sensibilities.

I had gained this position just in time to prove to the embassy reviewing my fiance’s K-1 visa that I was a competent income earner by “normal standards,” and I had at last acquired for our future “stable” housing.

(In this economy back in 2018, neither tasks were easy!)

When I was admitted behind the scenes for group training, managers began indoctrinating us in usual pedanticly-rote educating.

They had us play “social morale building” games with the rest of the extensive staff, and advancement tests incorporated poster creation with on-the-fly hastily sketched artwork for slogan reframing.

We were challenged to learn specific detailed account management knowledge and program navigation techniques quickly under time pressure, and I leaned into the tasks, determined to prove my capabilites.

But then, two things happened that ruined the job for me.

The team trainer began accessing clients’ accounts and speaking derisively and snidely about how clients managed (or didn’t manage) their spending. Then, he implied it was allowed for us to look at accounts and spread bad jokes “in the name of learning.”

Topping this, he put the least mature “child” who often disrupted group cohesiveness to gain attention (and was also from the military) in charge of our group, allowing her to dominate and lord power over us.

I guess he did this instead of firing her so he could get his bonus for meeting the hiree retention quota, and to test the rest of us for our willingness to take orders and follow chain-of-command hierarchy.

However, a thing about me is that I have endured enough bad leadership. I will no longer be the brunt of immature jokes, nor be a part of a system that rewards and elevates bad behaviors.

And, I will certainly not support any group or organization that externally gives good lip service, but behind closed doors (and with utmost disrespect encouraged) disparages clients while trampling their account privacy.

I refused to be complicit in this mainstream, entitled debauchery, and promptly disentangled myself from the position.

My fiance’s arrival conscripted my attention away from the horrors that diverted me from living.

I broke off that track and began traveling to the Bay Area. I went dancing and investigated “scenes.”

He was there for me as we creatively played across distances immeasurable by walking.

The light and love he shared with me gave me a rope by which to climb out of death’s chasm.

As we moved forward, our roles shifted and I took the lead. I became stronger and my talents expanded.

I tried to give back to him in the ways his nourishment had inspired me.

But, it seems they will say now that “this was not meant to be.”

Does it feel good to tear apart two people’s connection?

No one should be allowed such blasphemy!

(Almost a year now since I was with him.)

When I was a child, I did not have people who would take time to teach me anything. And if they did, there was no luster or flare to it.

Everything was regimented linearly with “do’s” and “thou shalt nots.” My mind was starving from boredom and crazed for lack of what it sought.

I do not sit down and enjoy games of chess, charades, etc. (Ok, maybe Gin Rummy), because I am not good on the fly with my mind accessing non-essential, random blase data.

(Maybe it’s because I crave more engaging and fun, dynamic interactions, after a lifetime of solitude and introspection.)

I find it perplexing that people can spend hours on such games – when in reality, these efforts rarely amount to anything!

One could argue that it develops “strategy” – and I will admit that the way a general coordinates might be something I am lacking.

But, I do not need such skills to navigate the realms between which I’m flitting.

In fact, being bogged down by adherence to “what is known and seen” is quite possibly what is holding up much of humanity!

Intuition’s sensory receptivity primes one to expand into productive creativity.

It’s been strange and interesting to raise chickens. Also very sad when we lose some to unknown illnesses.

Chickens in one year go from little chicks dependent upon warmth, food, water, and mothering; to reckless teenagers, playing and interacting with each other; to adult hens and roosters that find their pecking order and get down to laying eggs and breeding.

We have watched them emerge as unique and friendly personalities, that then get dominated by others with agendas.

When we have separated the roosters from the hens, the boys can actually get along for the most part just fine together.

Similarly with hens, although we have had to separate them into groups that trend more in alike behaviors and characteristics.

Once chickens are mature, they will stick to their internal dictates, so it is important they are matched compatibly for productivity and happiness.