Automatons 2

I was not happy there:
I’d known it for awhile –

Thinking I must march along,
Blending in with mirror smile.

And, the more I emulated them
Against where I found true joy,

The more I realized that I
Wasn’t content to be a toy.

I realized their state of being
Would in the end become a trap

Where everything that happened
Would be out of my control as fact;

That I, too, would be more vulnerable –
Dependent on fitting in with the crowd;

That what I valued would become forfeit,
If I chose to conform with the proud.

So, I traded that sense of belonging
For the road that led back to my truth:

If there’s anything I’ve learned now,
It’s to avoid the follies of our youth

Where we convince ourselves that others
Can be trusted to guarantee each day –

That reality will keep “being normal” – that
Nothing will disrupt or be allowed to stray.

I don’t believe their way for me is possible
When I’ve been given the insight to see

How everything I truly value as worth
Requires my fashioning to succeed.

So, I took the nearest off-ramp,
Taking leave with tears and smile:

They promised to remember me –
I hope they do, at least for a while.

As I travel toward those horizons
Where just few have gone before,

I don’t know if anyone will greet me
When at last, I knock upon the doors.

In a way, it doesn’t need to matter –
For I have followed what I must do:

In the end, it is our commitments
That take measure of me and you.

(December 12, 2018)

Music to accompany, “Light Up” by Nimino.