“I feel panicked inside…
I am more shy now since the concussion.
Finding out how extremely shy that I was pre-concussion has me distraught because I want to meet him, but I’m afraid that I will run in the other direction – again!
I can’t tell if this reactivity is due to heightened self protection due to injury – or because I know that he can actually ‘see me,’ more truly than anyone ever has before.
I have never let anyone that close to me, even when I wanted to.”
“Guys my age mostly ignored me – and I was the same then as I am now, internally.”
Extremely shy and evasive…
How are we ever to meet?!
“I don’t feel like I’ve got anything going my way in this category, currently.”
If we do not fit current society’s
Models of perfect idealization
We should opt out of confidence
That our current state is worthy
Do not disappear with the dawn
Instead, stay – stay with me here
“I remember.”
Song repost from March 2022
“Special Expressions”
Managing.
“I couldn’t stay there.
I just couldn’t do it, today.
The worst part is that this concussion has knocked me back hard.
I keep getting up, determined to keep rallying.
But my face and body are swollen as I sway blearily like a hard-core prize fighter getting dizzy.
There’s no clear sight…
Just instinct’s adjusting memory of where I need to be aiming.”
After helping by giving numbers to everyone and then offering her chair, having it then used by another after that and standing out there in the cold shivering and watching her skin grow paler, she realized that she felt ill “holding the line” and returned to her car – looking for when she could retrieve her chair and exit.
“Dang-nab it!
The concussion has made my body swell, again!”
She saw glimpses of them
Scanned their personalities
Looking for him cautiously
While holding her positions
And kept her distance while
They maneuvered activities
I don’t need the Ideal
Just what can be real
What is it like from the other side?
I’m not sure that I’ve experienced it.
“I was not responding well as of today from the concussion when getting other people’s help as they were pressuring.
I was either dealing with their trying to be time efficient and going in too many directions at once – spinning me in circles – and/or wasting my time, etc..”
“Can you self regulate?”
—
(Re the maelstrom that descends when engaging resource acquisition processes due to brain injury)
“I now have two kinds of brain injury – and boy, let me tell you how fun this is navigating the shattered internal stratosphere!”
—
(Title reference to movie Highlander and the struggle to reclaim primary power)
It doesn’t seem right or valid
To need you at the levels I do
But maybe you need me, too
For similar bonding reasons
“An advocate for brain injury support tried helping me today, and finished our appointment by giving me the number to call my next errand item.
After several times of copy and pasting the number, dialing, and getting my own voicemail, I finally realized that she had given me my own number by accident!”
—
(Re: object identification shutdowns)
“We are aligned, Baby…”
Candid Corvid Productions 