Month: December 2025
Writing’s Duality
As I write in the dark
My words are of light
When they are published
On white they’re as night
My Love,
In moments, I ask myself why?
Why have I been so injured by an accident?
And then, why have I been injured, again, by another?
Why am I now so prevented from external physical and mental manifestation in this material plane?
And why am I blocked from making music by calculating these blissful mathematical numerics, which take longer to identify and capture while my brain is on fire and hurting – even in just trying to navigate the simplest beginnings through eyes that can only dream now of how my life could be?
The only answer I can find is that I am supposed to wait for you.
For if I had all of my facilities, I would be wired by now to keep running and launch myself far beyond where you could reach me – so trained have I become in thinking that I must find ways to be content to be alone for the rest of my life – and so afraid, apparently, have I become to allow myself to believe in the truest art of loving again.
Yet, I would search the world, looking for you in every large to small venue and turning over every stone for any trace if I knew for sure that I had the right to – as well as had I the finances to support such a venture, which I lack, and so therefore find myself stuck in place here relegated to being my own restricted lady-in-waiting.
And know that there would be nothing and no one and no thing to stop me seeking for your soul’s truth and shaking it out from you up to the surface to be able to hear you say that you love me and for us to claim our rightful destiny together if I knew that this was what you truly desired and wanted.
Movie Pick To See: The Sound Of Musuc, 1965
Always
Libre Fragrance
Spanish translation = book
Made for librarians…
(Beep Beep Beep – Tiga, 12″ Extended Mix)
Propensity
“Why do I often invest in the long shot?”
(Sunshine Down Dualoguc, Original)
Positive Reinforcement
“Reassurance that comes from being around other people who’s brain waves track well with mine.”
(Dracula – Tame Impala)
Buried Beneath
“I was in a dressing room trying on a maroon-red, softly-contouring sequined dress which did not fit me (nor could I afford it, anyway) where an overhead speaker playing traditional New York style classic Christmas music beckoned one toward the excitement up prepping for the holiday.
Consciously clicking into smooth keel mode and trying to just enjoy the moment, I could not remember when I have had the luxury of looking forward to a holiday – let alone prospect of sharing romance that can come with it.”
You (Light Up My Dark – Monolink)
Dear Friend,
I see so many versions of you around me
That I am becoming even more cautious
It feels like I’m being tease-tormented
To lure me io make the wrong choice
I hope that you’ll understand
That I will need confirmation
Choosing The Right Partner
(Sirens – Monolink, Extended Version)
The Right One
Hurting
Afraid
Defensive
Desiring
—
(Multiple meanings)
When,
“Will you?”
—
(Multiple meanings)
“Flow Through”
(Flow – Crooked Colours)
Song repost from January 2023.
Dear Friend,
“I wish you were here so that I could learn to stop evading and get to build trust with you.”
Dear Alex,
“I feel panicked inside…
I am more shy now since the concussion.
Finding out how extremely shy that I was pre-concussion has me distraught because I want to meet him, but I’m afraid that I will run in the other direction – again!
I can’t tell if this reactivity is due to heightened self protection due to injury – or because I know that he can actually ‘see me,’ more truly than anyone ever has before.
I have never let anyone that close to me, even when I wanted to.”
When I Was Younger
“Guys my age mostly ignored me – and I was the same then as I am now, internally.”
Unicorns
Extremely shy and evasive…
How are we ever to meet?!
“Everything…”
(Man Is an Island – Emmylou Harris)
“Man Is An Island”
(Got To Give It Up – Marvin Gaye)
Sex Appeal
“I don’t feel like I’ve got anything going my way in this category, currently.”
We Are Taught
If we do not fit current society’s
Models of perfect idealization
We should opt out of confidence
That our current state is worthy
Can I Ask You A Question?
My Love,
Do not disappear with the dawn
Instead, stay – stay with me here
Dear Friend,
“I remember.”
“After The Storm”
Trampoline Chicken
Wingin’ That Sh**
Who Are You? (Movie Clip: The Last Unicorn)
Movie: It’s A Wonderful Life, End Spoiler
Literally! (Fell On Black Days – Soundgarden)
Song repost from March 2022
Say 5 Times – Fast
“Special Expressions”
I Am
Managing.
(Telomeres – Sleep Token)
Dear Alex,
“I couldn’t stay there.
I just couldn’t do it, today.
The worst part is that this concussion has knocked me back hard.
I keep getting up, determined to keep rallying.
But my face and body are swollen as I sway blearily like a hard-core prize fighter getting dizzy.
There’s no clear sight…
Just instinct’s adjusting memory of where I need to be aiming.”
Glitching Out
After helping by giving numbers to everyone and then offering her chair, having it then used by another after that and standing out there in the cold shivering and watching her skin grow paler, she realized that she felt ill “holding the line” and returned to her car – looking for when she could retrieve her chair and exit.
Puffer Fish
“Dang-nab it!
The concussion has made my body swell, again!”
(Elysium – Gavin Greenaway, The Lyndhurst Orchestra & Lisa Gerrard – From Movie “Gladiator”)
Earth’s Magic
(So Into You – Atlanta Rhythm Section)
Movie Pick To See: Only You
Only You
She saw glimpses of them
Scanned their personalities
Looking for him cautiously
While holding her positions
And kept her distance while
They maneuvered activities
