Author: Candid Corvid Productions

All of my efforts seem to have been thwarted, including intro and resume letters being sent back as “undeliverable as addressed” after being slit-on-sides open.

I know that “The Best of The Best” praise the concept of “keep trying” (which has always been my motto) – but, honestly, I feel rended apart as if at the cusp of a blackhole’s tidal forces, making my allegiences feel divided.

If there were a way to have my family nearby and accessible so that I could still tend to and nourish them while I participate in my greatest dreams, this would be my ideal solution.

But, to choose either/or when we are still just now recovering seems foolhardy – especially when my every attempt to bridge is being deflected.

I may not be an idealic fantasy, but I am a genuine friend.

The fact that my pictures come out as well as they do is “nothing short of a miracle” as my outdated phone offers no consistency and even now resists focusing.

What would my captured images be like if I had excellent tech with adjustable detail and day-to-night lighting options?

While speaking with my best childhood friend and going through broken down boxes, I found my car title which has eluded for 5 years or more and began transferring stuff to new boxes so new associations take place over old.

Then, I got to speak with my eldest and grandchild, and then spent time with youngesr while making banana pancakes and chicken marsala to finish up a lovely stay-at-home day.

“GOOD THINGS ARE COMING MY WAY.”

From The Law Of Attraction Solutions (Fun, supportive people)

If it isn’t going to come to me, I must create it.

Be a “Goddess” and Rock my Independence.

I will begin branching out, looking to support theatre and film crews while I apply to work for select individuals in addition to my current job.

I got pretty good at navigating agencies – whether educational, community, or governmental.

It’s just that without my core family, and barely hanging on by a thread prolongedly, the desire to keep pushing boulders up a hill has left me.

My thinking about things while reserving reaction, inwardly mirthing at life’s chaos.

Time lag suppression pausing (duck and hunker auto reactivion) between thinking and speaking due to past abuse to the head and body if/when attempted to soeak out loud in childhood.

It’s kind of crazy how the early formative years return and haunt when buffers in adulthood are stripped away.

Yet, thus can become an opportunity to change such limitations now into advantages by pushing beyond prior threshholds into new behaviors.

Speach therapy? Acting class? Reading aloud poetry?

What venue will yield most benefits and activate smooth synaptic conveyance?

Is it merely about building confidence?

Loss of ability to understand or express speech, caused by brain damage.

From Oxford Languages.

I am getting pretty good at conveying articulate thoughts and fun responses upon visual intake to written output.

However, immediate verbal externalization from perceptual environmental intake still requires processing time and/or feeling comfortable during personal interactions.

Perhaps this just means I need more practice.

I was watching a video recently which described obsession as like being caught in a trance.

I wasn’t worried about being obsessed – but realize I have been caught in a trance:

Trauma-drama; focus on project after project completion; isolation reinforcing isolation; and a whole lot of internal negative messaging of “though shalt nots” are trying to keep me “on the fence.”

There is something magical to at last lying down in the evening and letting the self release the weight of obligations and duties that it has been carrying.