Category: A Woman’s Plight

Where’ve they gone?
Must have scattered

Into the road at
The car accident

Or fallen out of bags
Navigating homeless

Phases of instability
And missed at prior

Temporary residences
When thought life was

Rebuilding and growing
But found the truth was

It had been undermined
By others’ rotting values

“A retraining option I have temporarily qualified for got put off by the advocator’s jury duty.

Legit.

Now he wants me to recreate all of the prep work we did before he disappeared for months and hand it to him, after I just asked him to help me pick up the scattered pieces due to my brain injury.

Not legit.

(Steam exuding from head…)

I cannot afford the diminished neuronic capacity to even care a literal whit further about this pursuit, anymore.”

I know I’m not special
But I Am

So close
It crazes

Threatening
To disappear

If I cannot
Grasp firmly

In the right way
At right moment

Will it just
Fly onward

Without me
Like a bird

Untamed
And fickle?

Yet if it did it
Wasn’t mine

So they say
Wastefully

Filling in the blanks.

“She had always thought that I’d been successful.

But I just stepped up to the plate – and dove all in to win.”

“I was never given any.”

I need to figure out how to
Cultivate this and flourish

“What’s that, again?”

“I tried to protect my children from my needs, which increased sense of isolation.”

Cutting one lose to navigate better.

“I am a complex being, for I am a woman. And I will no longer bear the weight of shame for men’s transgressions.”

“Why is it that when I try to leave school, then I dream of fascinating classes that I am trying to be a part of – yet am always arriving late?”

“If I keep attending to the income,
Will I ever get to focus on music?”

Her creed had always been to help shelter others.

(Title of multiple meanings)

“I realized today that I dislike going to the laundromat – which I’d glossed over by the upscale, whereas before was in drudgery.

It reminds me too often of the older memories: feeling time stretching in moments wasted, when could have expanded meaningful connection in the simplest of management tasks.”

She desired a man whose values were sound and consistent – no matter the venue.

The dreams were full of scenarios, including betrayal of trust and rejection, as well as examining belonging and reclaiming one’s sense of self.

In one, she was suddenly being kicked out from a home where she’d been allowed access to a bed and bathroom – but still took a stand on her own behalf as she left, citing the original contract agreement to protect herself.

In another scenario, she was surprised when one of the crew members leaned toward her from the side, silently offering his comfort’s warm shelter for her to absorb, which broke the cold, catatonic shock she fell into when her ex (turned narcisist) appeared across from them, haughtily righteous in his self assertions.

Next, she was on a central street island in some downtown, leaning back on the ground and taking in happenings around her while people watching – but decided that she wasn’t going to be a street gypsy successfully living on the fringe as her life pattern.

And in the fourth, she confronted her ex’s free-loading absence of providing rent while he used drugs and engaged with other women – as she struggled against strong emotions pushing her into hysteria and gave him final notice to be moved out in two weeks, by August.

This last dream’s timeline synced up with current reality’s timeline – which is interesting in context of evicting love’s prior unsuitable tenants to make room for better future partnership.

“I’m not sure what is needed to obtain any.

I mean, I keep trying to show up and accomplish what is needed.

Remnants of me appear in the moment.

I don’t know if I am developing an anxiety complex, or if I’m just constantly overextending and, therefore, unable to maintain sense of endurant capability.

Am I sleep deprived?

It feels like I’m out of faith and just depleted.

Are my adrenals exhausted?

A lot keeps happening that I keep adjusting and adapting to.

Yet, I keep expecting to catch up to myself,

And I am not sure that this is happening.”

“This is why I refused to date while single-parenting.”

(All of it)

Why was it that men who were attracted to the mother but were rebuffed would then attempt to molest her child?

How would you have known
Had I not shown you my face?

There was a peace in
Living on the outskirts

I understand a bit now why
Some people stay homeless

And why they no longer seek
Connections to family or society

Although I do not think that this is
Something I needed to experience

In order to have
Compassion

Hear me – oh you innocents!
Identify the demons within!

Play out the pattern interactions
Determine on these if compatible

For if their demons will eat yours
Hard battles are foretold in future!

“What he wanted was freedom.

Any attempt to have a healthy relationship with him would get burned to the ground.”

(Title play with words)