“Suddenly feelimg pressure from many hands on my legs and hovering over me as if checking and reading me while crowding once the nurses left was freaking me out, cascading shock reaction until I took off the neck collar and relieved tension pressure from too much traction on my brain.
Weee…never had that happen before.
And here comes more pain.”
“I get a new tour.”
“We are told that our value decreases as our age increases – but that is because ‘elders’ cannot be so easily manipulated.”
“The pressures of the years rapidly increasing from the accident’s fallout have produced pronounced silver strands to either side of my cheek bones – which I always thought would be cool, but the Crone is definitely getting to drink her fill.”
“Where is the room for courtship and romance?
Is it enough of a start to have spoken our shared truths at distance?
I wore a mask today to protect my fellow healer students.
But doing so overheated my brain and recycled whatever I was fighting off so now I feel feverish.
So if, for example, we were to meet this evening, my instincts would be to turn you away to protect you.
Or…
The only other option would be to invite you in where we would instantly (hopefully) succumb to sleep together – and I would likely infect you.
Are we allowed to just cross that line and fall into natural rhythms together?
Why do I feel like I’ve always known you – as though we are tethered?”
Activities & shows – but going back to bed.
“But what makes us ready?
Surely – do not say that it’s more time!”
“It broke today after having been significantly snagged days ago.
Did it abdicate to save my digit from further harm?”
Quivering
I’m shaking
Am I sick or
Nervousness
Compounds
In the waking?
—
(Content of multiple meanings)
Hard-hitting anxiety
From extension that
Lacking reciprocation
Cascades in retraction
Quiet – they say to keep quiet
For if request he will not come
The light cast bright reveals someone
As if they really knew what to look for
So many are waiting for that knock on their door
And my nerves keep aching fried and frazzled
“It becomes ever further apparent that my creations here keep me from dissolving completely.”
“Is that like Vitamin C?
Can I buy it as a supplement?”
“No matter what I do, I can’t seem to escape.”
—
(Title of multiple meanings)
“Reactions to compounding lag in an injured system from having to repeatedly respond to new emergencies that push pressure loads beyond capacities into enforced quick adapting can lead to reactions and/or shut downs which present behaviors much like complex PTSD – either drastically slowing or suddenly forcefully expelling energy as a result of the system’s desperate attempts to create space for self regulation.”
“Even with continuing and multi-varied discouragements, I must cling to a moment ago’s realization that as I continue working new patterns over and over, my methods are beginning to adapt into streamlining.
Perhaps much of the issue exacerbating my injuries is constant disruption negatively reinforcing sensory overwhelm and overstimulation.”
“Although I may have just been exposed to COVID right in time to potentially sabotage attending my retraining, it is nice to note that my handwriting is beginning to smooth again at times – compared to right after and since the accident injuries disrupted motor skills coordination.”
“Upon complications, upon complications…
Nothing new, really – just another day in a choppy sea trying to keep our heads above water.”
“Tomorrow’s going to be a long day due to even less sleep than usual.”
Already bones are freezing
Then suddenly overheating
Because primary internal heat
Likes it eighty without layering
“To be able to clean my own bedroom?!”
“Even only mildly and briefly vacuuming increases facial zones’ numbing reactivation!”
(Grrrr)
“I have some ‘neck folds’ and ‘jowel’ contours that I keep working on to retrain fascial strengthening and smoothing due to the anterior portion of my neck injuries.
But trends in society like to say that this is how I should look for ‘my age’ – and if I didn’t have them, they would likely project jealousy!”
She’d heard this evening that a suspected immense ship had come into range of their planet – and begged inwardly that he’d arrive to be with her as soon as possible, while they still had time left.
Ever
Feel
Good
Enough
“The Geico Gecko? OMG – I’m speechless!” says the woman talking to it.
(She should be – because she shouldn’t be seeing that critter or talking to it in her reality!)
“The goal is to keep going forward…
Survival.”
“To see doors closing that I once thought were still open to me.
Like…
I don’t think that I’ll ever do a year abroad now for school.
The concept seems ridiculous now with exhaustion from disability.”
I think I must shut down this entire need
This cycle of longing driving into frenzy
It is the situation – the abandonment cycle
Had I known, I would not have fallen into it
But I thought that it was an open invitation
That it was genuine honesty – for once given
Not another bait / switch retract scenario
Designed to send me into another tailspin
“Put on makeup when I’m crying?”
“I don’t know…
But I have coffee.”
Bites
Now
“No…you don’t get to see my internal mess, here…”
“Since when does it no longer mean shocked or having color drained from, for example?
As in sudden reaction leading to other reactions…”
(Lockdown, migraine, etc.)
“Of course I recoiled when I saw you.
You can’t just walk into my scene and expect me to be able to control myself without any warning when I am already fraying at the seams!
Are you here to help me, or just to tease and torment by your leaving?
You make me want to get my hands on you and show you some things about manners!
Then, you wouldn’t be leaving…”
—
(Title & content of multiple meanings)
“I did…
I’m an anomaly in the system – under pain and pressure to give in.”
“You know – it takes a lot of strength to maintain my composure and not throw myself upon you – and I just don’t have the muscle strength nor pain tolerance to keep up with these ‘playing it cool’ reservations!”
It was just another neck tension migraine…
She was passing through a dim dressing room when she was anonymously given a dark cape with a collar like a lion’s ruff, which allowed her to pass through the veil.
Go back to sleep now?
Can I not be in pain?
“I greatly dislike how the injuries from the accident have increased burdens that I was already carrying.
What is this?
F-ing Boss level?!”
Candid Corvid Productions 