“All sizes – and shapes – and forms!”
(Versions)
Category: Altered States
Self Chitter-Chatter
Definitely bird.
(TeleVisions – NØVMBR)
Steps…When?
Find Ableton tutorials that I paid for 2024
Open Ableton
Play first video
Identify objects
Navigate through haze
Process info – Darn It!
Adrenaline
Hypervigilance resulting in extreme insomnia ensured that the brain did not shut down while in shock’s repairing – yet also delayed recovery.
Missing In Description
It was anothrr major neck injury, which did not have breakage because she’d been relaxed by that day’s training session – but the impact had been severe.
Exercise
“The one consistency where faint hopes coincide.”
Stationary
I’m stuck on my phone
Too many sudden sounds startling to sleep
So why don’t I get up and try to progress?
Because it’s not enough
It’s never enough
And what I choose is “necessary”
In contrast to what my heart desires
—
(Title of multiple meanings)
Still Motion
Stuck in pause
Hearing clunks as others
Go about their activities
And I just cannot muster
The desire to join them
But maybe that’s ok because
They get the space for living
And I show up as a cameo
To be helped getting out the door
And then they get some privacy
Maybe this arrangement’s needed
And maybe I’m on pause so that
I do not hit replay of past memories
For I must guard that door carefully
And maybe my abilities are blocked
To wipe the slate clean for a reset
But this confuses and alarms me
Because I don’t have a quiet space
So that I can think and expand without
Having to curb reaction to stimulus
Staying in one place over time
Allows me to feel ebbs and flows
Yet I feel that I can’t produce
My life is on hold and I need
Yet am afraid to trust guidance
Independence allows room to breathe
Being alone is a known without
Worrying I won’t be enough
Because I need help
And also I know that
Once I recover (if, if, if, if, if)
I will want to fly again
But no man has stayed
When I am weak or strong
Always finding reason
To feel intimidated or let down
By their own lacks projected
Swinging like the disk of
A clock’s pendulum
And if I need help now
If I need saving now
Am I less than worthy
Of a man’s devotion?
—
(Title of multiple meanings)
It Seems That
“Much of my time is lying down, waiting for my internal rotators to line up so that I can function briefly – but then, I need to rest again.”
3 Day Countdown
It is extremely alarming (and hard to manage not over-reacting) to be unable to pay for my bills or housing.
Wishing I Could
The father in her dream told her forcefully that he was tired of her wasting time “playing injured'” and that she better start getting up at early every morning “like everybody else had to” and get back to work.
She got away from this confrontation, retreating to and locking him out of her bedroom, and fumbled with her phone for too long (dream delay imposed difficulties) to call her mother for supportive backup.
Then she began looking at ads and calling businesses where she could work so that she could move out and reclaim her non-toxuc independence.
As if this was a real option.
(Uuhai – Khar Khulz)
A Brace Against Pain
She knew that how we’ve been raised is to insist that the olders be included within a household for things of important merit, such as opening of presents.
But she also knew – apparently cutting edge – that when two families overlap, the youngers need to have a sense of their own reality’s independence.
Bantering At Anonymous Messages
“Listen, I can’t get emotionally strung out and strung along involved if my love is not actually here in my environment for me to be able to help with whatever the issue is.”
New Bruise
Falling gently backward against something at an odd angle placed irregularily.
Comfort
She needed direct, in person, essential exchange with him.
Parietal
Stuck compression.
Heartache
Ever since the concussion, she could not find comfort, and her heart would jolt her wide awake when in certain positions desperate for sleeping.
Take Me (Home – Zero 7 ft. Tina Dico))
In The Waiting Line
I’m here, not there.
I’m here, not there.
I’m here, not there.
I’m here, not there.
I’m here, not there.
I’m here, not there.
I’m here, not there.
I’m here, not there.
,,,
Talisman
She had removed the item, for though it was supposed to protect, it drew from her energy.
Yet once it was taken off, her strength diminished back to a feeling of frailty.
(Take Me Home – Duskus x San Holo)
It Bothers Me
“That I am becoming less flexible, and more specialized…”
(Give It Up – KC & The Sunshine Band, Official Video)
Ah, Yes…
She had not done her usual workout routine yesterday, so now came the migraine torsion.
It Would Help
If she knew.
(Trois – Sultan + Shepart & Jerro)
Provocation
Hide and Seek
(Show Me – San Holo)
Song repost from September 2022.
Sinews
Her frame, planking, beams, and knees creaked and ached like timbers of a ship as she groaned, trying without success to take a small nap.
Violence
Something only meant for self defense – not as a tool for aggressive manipulation.
Source Of DisEase
It was clear that there were still forces conspiring against happiness, and that they were attempting to provoke kind people into violence.
Miscalculations
As she took a drink of water in the gray and spilled some down her shirt.
Time for bed, again, as circulation quivered.
Could fasting and giving blood for labs days ago still be the cause of this imbalance?
Lockdown
No, No, No!
She had worked to get this far today – and now needed to make progress!
Was it her brain?
Her muscles?
Her heart?
What was going on?!
Shaking
She could feel how weak her structural stability was.
Did this mean that systems were coming back online?
Was it yet safe to start adding other exercises to rebuild the muscles?
Was there enough reactivated core matrices for them to build upon?
Winter’s Ease
Wet socks in the cold garden.
Delayed Reactiom
“These accidents have taken away my ability to do anything!”
(In her mind throwing objects at walls, doors, and windows while screamimg hellfire at them to break them down.)
Adrenal Flood
“I can’t live the way my life is, anymore.”
Groggy
“The first deep sleep I’ve had in what seems like forever, but at the end of it, I had to ramp up to fight against a menace.”
Progress
“Even if I can only do one or two things per day to advance my regaining stability, this is still valuable.”
Setbacks
“I haven’t been able to do most of my shoulder and hip restabilizing exercises since the concussion because when I try, doing them increases since then strained cephalic pressure.”
(Clocks – Daydream Affiliate)
Algorithms
“I had to block further receiving of those relationship messages because some were getting dramatically and negatively manipulative.
(Need Somebody – Jerro)
Lack Of Impetus
There were things that she needed to do, but all of them were draining.
Gravity’s Well
She thought that she was getting up…but then, she wasn’t.
Captain’s Creed
She had to stay with the ship to protect the others, for it was never an option to abandon them.
Unsteady Stance
Her sea legs had gone missing.
Misalignment
Much like the prow of her ship from past collisions, her hip and shoulder were twisted from recent effort to swab the deck.
Candid Corvid Productions 