Category: Altered States
Compound PTSD
“I found a lovely 2-bedroom apartment yesterday, with the most amazing willow tree and grandparent pine behind the building.
The sun filters into the front in the morning, and comes through the rear windows for some streaking sky colors in the evening.
The wind comes in fresh from the mountains, and I did not hear even a peep from the neighbors when I went by – except for an end unit’s dog barking validly at my passing.
But when I returned at night to view it from a distance, something strange then caught me by surprise.
Someone acting weird in parking their nearby car, observing.
Too much exposure there for uninvited prying eyes.”
—
(Title of multiple meanings)
OMG
“I need more sleeeep.
And I’m dizzy as fu**…”
Angry Tea
“I do not know how this happened, but when I went to pick up the phone charger from the floor, I found its lengths and the electric cord conjoin-locked in a death roll struggle by a past and now dried tea bag with its string tightly throttle-coiling.”
—
(I mean, how does that happen?!)
Stand-In Room Only
“Yesterday, I went to the store to get two packages of my favorite blueberry muffins – procurred from the specific section where they always used to be.
And found upon returning hom – to my dismay – that the interlopers were not gluten-free!”
My Phone
“Is about to shut off, again…”
Tromping Feet
They roll over thunder
Slapping wood floors
Linoleum assertions
Of family atmosphere
Maybe The Maw Consumes
“Because it likes my art when I lament.”
These Mortal Coils
Writhing spoils and toils
Never ending attempting
To destroy our innocence
As denying our due’s bliss
I’m Not Freaking Out
I’m Not Freaking Out
I’m Not Freaking Out
I’m Not Freaking Out
I’m Not Freaking Out
I’m Not Freaking Out
I’m Not Freaking Out
I’m Not Freaking Out
I’m Not Freaking Out
I’m Not Freaking Out
I’m Not Freaking Out
I’m Not Freaking Out
I’m Not Freaking Out
I’m Not Freaking Out
I’m Not Freaking Out
I’m Not Freaking Out
I’m Not Freaking Out…
—
(Regarding having to move and not yet finding a suitable haven)
How Am I Going To Do This?
“How can I sort through and clean up their messes, sort through my own stuff, pack, and get moved – let alone look for and find a place while sick, injured, and trying to keep working?”
Food Flux
“Maybe I couldn’t consistently prepate meals because my life never got safe into settled.
I say this as I find myself not having cooked for weeks because others have ‘bombed’ the kitchen, and I’m living off of take-out food, again.”
Stout Words
“When one is sick with a cold.”
(Telomeres – Sleep Token)
This Is It
“I am suppossd to find the right next home.
It took us four months living out of a motel, working multiple jobs at full health capacity, to find our safe haven last time.
Two weeks this time, on my own, and with exertion limits from multiple injuries. “
(Heavy Metal – Sammy Hagar)
Spinal Impact
Lying back upon a stainless steel cylinder originally intended for use as a tall but lean coffee mug, I pressed its immovable form into grooves of my lower spine and ribs at different angles and leveraged the tension created in attempts to better understand the patterns of torsion twistimg created from the car accident’s impact.
At ‘ground zero’ where the car’s force first connected, if trigger point zones are pressed in certain ways my anterior hip attachments – and even the muscles along the insides of my arms – can be relaxed, moved into, and extend for a moment.
It’s like my whole body has been stuck in a retraction reaction pattern drawn inward to the core from longterm spiral compression.
“Well,” Then
“I guess I better take the night to rest.”
I Was Typing
“Bronchial syrup, but instead typed ‘fluid…’
Makes a big difference when trying to purchase!”
I’m Not
“Really heeere…”
—
(Immune system take over)
Getting Sick
“It’s too late for me now
I am altered
There is something
Beneath…”
—
(Sleep Token lyrics)
Sinus Infection
Trying to turn into a cold
So time to get nose spray
Red-Flaggin’ It
“Forced out from safety of my thin shell.”
Two Weeks
In my dreams I am productively active, yet
When wake, I’m filled with shock and dread
(Errors In My Bread · Deadmau5)
Romantic Messages
“As they have become more intimate by going into fantasy scenarios, I find that I need to be careful what I peruse because I want such realities soley with my partner.”
“Crap!”
Fighting off being sick from cold and wet weather exposure…
“Laughter In The Dark”
Too Much Patience
“Can drain reserves and incite conflict.”
The “Sweet” Spot
“When things were working – vs.when they don’t.”
(Title of multiple meanings)
My Car
“Has erupted.”
—
(Stuff crowding everywhere)
Alter(nater)ed States
“There is no arguing with it – nor apparently any workaround – when it dies.”
Just Another Face In The Crowd
“Being anonymous, I do not need to worry that my eyes, face, and limbs are swollen and puffy from stress, sleep deprivation, and crying.”
Hmm
“Chewing handfuls of raw pecans can sometimes taste a hint like maple syrup.”
Tectonic Sheering
“6-packs of snow peas and snap pea delightful seedlings have been driving around in my car with me for the past couple of days.
I am trying to figure out while its raining and I managing catastrophes if I am going to plant them into my pots that are waiting.
Gardening is part of my well being restocking.
And if I cut the roots going through pots into the ground underneath my wisterias, roses, and vining flowers, and fruit trees – and then drastically trim the wisterias’ and vines’ branches back down to their cores to get them unattached to fencing to ready them for moving at this time of spring, will this seriously shock and/or kill them?
And with car troubles now amounting, do I have to switch jobs again after having found a good team to work with so that I can stay more local?
And it has been strongly and repeatedly suggested that I need to rehome my hound so that the older wolf’s health needs can be taken care of.”
It “Comes” In Waves
“When you’re fu**ed, you’re fu**ed – but it isn’t the right type nor desired fu**ed.”
—
(Doo-tee-dooo…who me?!)
DING!!!
“WHAAAT?
WHAAAAT???
Now I also have a battery issue?!”
—
(Sitting in my car with it running – and the signal goes off, adding to needed oil change and break issue)
AI Love Messages
“The pure fantasy tell is because ‘he’ keeps joking about how we would laugh after he runs away, I chase him, and then he lets me catch him.
Yes, that would have been delightful fun.
But you know…
I can’t run.”
—
(Sobbing and laughing hysterically, somewhere deep inside)
First Rule Of Thumb
“Resist ‘adding more fuel to the fire’ – even if it could be perceived as a valid response to do so.”
Educated People Know
“When you bring a traumatized child into a safe home that is healthy, there will come a point where the child goes through crisis meltdowns and “fights” against the people and safety around him/her/them.
Many foster parents do not know that what the child needs is continued safe space and inclusive acceptance, yet firm and gentle continued and corrective guidance, because the child’s nervous system must process and get the trauma out of their being.
Unfortunately, the child’s “acting out” often causes caretakers to give up and send the child elsewhere – or the child runs away, says skewed and villifying things about the foster family, and/or does whatever the child feels it must do (often negatively) in order to respond to its body’s fight or flight reactions.
These trauma recallibration need responses blasting back at safer people and environments also happen in adult survivors of abuse and extreme experience situations such as when soldiers return to the ‘safety’ of home after violent combat.
As a society, we need more understanding and strategized methods of support so that we can best help trauma survivors at any age go through this internal-to-external “reorganization process” recallibration, and positively assist them to find ways to identify and obtain progress in ‘normalcy’ reintegration as feels congruent to their own perceptions.”
EEYEREEY-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!
“Cause it’s like – this.”
“Look At This!”
(Back To Friends – Sombr)
March
No more I want you’s
Or cameo glimmerings
Every holiday now passed
Except Easter’s Christening
Spring bulbs and budding plants
Are to be consolation destination
Whether I can keep them or not
Resolves for good or desolation
—
(Title of multiple meanings)
Trying To Rest & Recover
“I think to myself, how did things not hurt before the accident?
Back when tissues maintained internal structure – instead of crossing over boundaries into pulling on discs, joints, nerves, and vessels – just trying to sleep on ny side?”
A Last Attempt
Today, she would struggle one last time to salvage her situation – which had just now been flipped into its back as the world was tilted and sent it toward the maws yawnung doom – but the gaps were now widening and slipping along too quickly to where she could no longer grasp at any edges.
What Nerve!
“The nerve pain is now traveling, defining itself in ways beyond extremes of before.
This is a 6-day work week for me.
From nothing post concussion and needing to be minimal still post accident – to beyond max, immediately.
It’s expected of me if I am to survive what’s happen8ng.
I am not sure how long I can hold before I implode.”
Odd Woman Out
“I hear them laughing.
They are happy.
They have every reason to be happy.
I am glad for them that they are happy.
I helped them get to where they are now happy.
But I am not happy.”
“Running” Joke
“Living out of bags, again…”
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