Category: Altered States

“My work here is completed…but I was just getting started…”

“They are all just…”

“There is no more frolicking in the sun…only licking wounds that never end, until it’s done.”

“It Really…Really…Really Sucks…

During the prime of their years I spent my energy growing, defending, and protecting our animals from the fall.

And now that we finally found a good place to live and shelter, the family disbands, and each older animal has come to its life’s expiration date.

All I can do is attempt to help each one pass on gracefully as I hold him or her in my arms, attempting to still give nourishment until at the very last moment where they can no longer hold on, and just fade away.”

“Meeting deep grief’s sadness by allowing its heavy tears to suck one under and drag one down to the bottom instead of fighting to stay afloat might actually be restoring the buoy effect that got deflated in an overtaxed optimist.”

“Why do we only protect the children – if at all – and not also each other?”

Time grows thicker as
Impressions leverage

A blend of mad sickness
Still denied reason’s cure

While feverish dreaming
Refuels by inflammation

Inattendance beckoning to
Yield by instant atonement

“A reflection of absence of faith and/or hope.”

“I can tell that a reason that I feel deeply depressed is because I am not making music, but I can’t seem to break the lockdown while I’m prevented from bringing in income.”

“Being invited out by a man to something I think I’d enjoy, yet feeling the need to turn the event down to conserve limited energy, has got me wondering if I am folding inward more extremely to protect myself – and/or have I reached a new level of advanced introversion?”

“I pray to God that that is what is building up imside of me…”

Already!

She couldn’t reach for the things that she wanted, held down by the weight of poverty.

“As if I’m afraid to make a wrong move…”

“I am a very cautious unicorn.”

“It’s important to set achievable, short-term, small goals to create a sense of one’s striving when a life’s purpose seems to have become terribly upended and motivation sputters.”

“A much respected older peer once told me to write the story of my life one day.

But what could I say that would make sense of all of the tragedies?

Pain’s pressure squeezes as it builds over time, until not a drop of blood feels like it can ever again flow freely.

It forces hope’s light to seek shelter, buried deep underground, begging for the end of growth’s dormancy.”

“If I keep slowing down to just process the hits I’ve taken, will my being reboot and I won’t feel forsaken?”

“I do think that when one discovers that they’ve just been being used again, there is going to be a hit taken of further negative psychological impact.”

“I am not sure if it’s good or not that I need to rest and sleep more while only being able to do like one fourth of what I used to do.”

“I have an opportunity to possibly pursue more training, but doing evetything on my own while still recoverimg from injuries is keeping me barely treading water.”

“Hold me together by giving a sense of consistency in a life filled with uncertainty.”

I’ve been writing to myself online on one site or another for about thirteen years or so, and I wonder what it’s gained me besides maintaining a grip on my sanity.

“444, the most vital message is this: Be prepared for success. It’s not just about getting something that you wanted. It’s about being ready for what comes after that success, so it doesn’t destroy you—and so you can make the most out of said success.”

https://www.elle.com/horoscopes/a61669073/444-angel-number-meaning-explained/

But, how does one get ready for succes, if one has not had certain levels of such success, before?

It’s hard to believe that I will get through this and find my self anew on the other side.

Being in the trailer in the low mountains, having to live as if we were homesteaders.

A cunning and powerful internal defense mechanism that waited to take over after the maiden inside gave up on being able to fight for good due to longterm efforts’ exhaustion.

It does not seem right that after advocating for and well-launching my family that my reward should be loneliness and injury.

(Title play on words)

To speak about the levels of abuse one has experienced – but it is real.

And what is attractive is a person’s fighting to overcome such circumstances to ensure their war is better won.

Gummies infused with chamomile and passion flower are my insomnia diversion.

That’s what outsiders would say, unaffected by situation, process, and resultant outcome.

“I had needed his loving, doting attention and snuggling affection, but he had ignored me for so long that I began reacting as if I were an emotionally-starving banshee.”

How do I break through to the me that’s burried underneath all of this, suffocating?

“The hardest lesson I have had to learn as an adult is the relentless need to keep going, no matter how broken I feel inside.”