Category: Altered States

When paths forward
Erase into fading dim

Going becomes slower
As insecurity increases

One must take hold of
Frightened heart/mind

Carefully testing steps for
Stability’s further slippage

“Two years to this state is pretty darn rapid.

Gee, migraines and symptoms validated.

Why, thank you!”

Counter-strategies

“What to do about it…”

“The spinal cord was overstretched, cervical stacking stability shorted out, and brain is being pullled at in every movement, so constant distress signals’ flight/fight/freeze signals keep alternating and prevent fascial proprioceptors from regulating.

But that’s not what many doctors would say.

They will look at where it is pinching, compressing, and/or grindng…

Because they still do not understand how to treat actual causes to system ‘failures’ by looking for underlying reasons in order to troubleshoot and provide restorative therapies.”

Worse than before…why?

(I’m not freaking out…I’m not panicking…my blood pressure is fine – I’m fine, da** it!)

Pushed shoulders &
Further ripped hips

From slipping on carpet
Working to disassemble

That extra foam layer proposed
I had hoped would’ve benefited

Testifies to the extent of
Unnegotiable discomfort

I can still attend many things
Just not the same drudgeries

“Yeah, ’cause I just knocked myself loose again, jumping around and dancing, getting hardcore into to that song.”

(Ouuch…but worth it)

“These rules are borked!:

I have a comfortable bed
Or so I’d like to think of it

But there’s rarely a position
That I can find this comfort

Maybe I need to add another
Layer of foam to cushion me

Perhaps too much inflamed
Pain never abating hinders

The recovery I’ve needed
To overcome the injuries

I want to garden
But do I not lift?

Or grip and dig,
Or kneel, or shift

As extend to retract
Endurent dynamics?

What can I do
And shouldn’t?

One day left for rest
Isn’t enough further

I just workout and
Travel spiral circles

Going over same paths
Seeking spark’s interest

Things get done without
Motivated life’s purpose

Except living day to day
Trying to restore basics

Sunlight’s warmth to greet me
Leaves, grass, trees, and sky

Mountains protecting
Soothing inner eyes

“‘Oh, sweet relief!’ as we returned to the first floor of normal sounds and colors!”

“Difficulty because hospital corridors contain multiple frequency reverberating hums, and everything in view is 3-D grids.”

“I don’t know why, but it is harder for me to get to my own doctor appts.

Had to get to MRI’s this morning.

First of all, I am no longer ok in the morning.

You could say it’s because I don’t get to sleep until around 2am or so, but my internal biorhythms are altered.

And I won’t detail the diffuculty, but once I got into the hospital where everything was shutdown to minimum operations on the weekend, I had to request wheelchair assistance to help me get checked in and settled into the correct waiting room properly.

The anxiety crush meltdown of gratefully accepting a wheelchair to be shuttled more quickly and safely than my legs and increasing disorientation could take me was alarming.

But there was a kind, older lady that I helped get confirmed in her own location, and she extended to me saying, ” Always ask for a wheelchair in the airport,” confidingly – as I just about broke into tears for needing the darn thing.”

“It feels like there is no real help, only signs and signals pointing the way if one keeps looking for and innovating solutions despite ‘diminishing’ capacities.”

“The injuries are becoming a psychological hindrance as they do not fade – but, in fact, become more insistent and prevalent.

The mind cannot help but panic when experiencing increasing complication impulses – yet, it must struggle to overcome meltdown shutdowns while seeking a newly defined pragmatism.

For it makes sense that as more systems reboot, extent of prior damages becomes ever more clear – and that system overload would increase as additional jagged impulses are seeking to be added to healing’s reintegration.”

“Means something entirely different in seeking balance when one’s boat is flipped, and staying submerged in water’s engulfing suction seems to be the end result, anyway  (unrelenting) – especially when one’s sea legs are no longer stable above surface in sailing.”

“Trying to reclaim norms, but norms are now distorted.

This doesn’t mean that things are ‘bad.’

(Sweat)

Things, relatively, might be ‘good.’

(Distrust)

In fact things may be, given skews, ‘getting better, again.’

(Panic)”

“‘Objects in motion stay in motion…’

Newton’s First Law of Motion; also known as The Law of Inertia

I just keep going because it feels like if I stop, I’ll just need to lie back down.”

“I had to cancel work until next week because there’s no doubt I got reinjured.

I hate this.

I hate too much pain and lack of pleasure.

I hate limits without any workarounds.”

“It distresses me that when I hear how people like to go for a walk or hiking, my body now says, ‘That’s not for me!'”

“‘Cause I’m gettin’ better…

Yeah, that’s it…”

What could this be?
Why do I feel empty?

I give to others
And help family

I think my body hurts
As engage arm or leg

Gravity is tough going
If spine to neck flayed

To rise from bed
Needs a purpose

Towing the line is
No longer worth it

If movement is stiff
Maybe stay in place

Catch up to moment
Give self some grace

“Here’s to my 2 years ago act of valiance – for which I’m still paying!

Woo-Hoo!”

“Perhaps I shouldn’t be surprised that I strained a neck muscle.”

Tapping into rage to fight back the pain.

“It seems that much of my time is forced into experiencing it.”

After effects from work.