Category: Altered States

“I don’t know where I’m going to go, or how I’m going to get there.”

“Bouts of giddy physio meltdown crisis reactions.”

“If one is dying quicker, well, that’s a scary feat…

But, meanwhile, the stomach hungers as the mind bckons for more sleep – even as cells ache.

Is there anything safe to invest in?

Can anything – including perceptions – be trusted?”

“I am being pushed to move too soon.”

“Literally.”

“That my new housing has offered a positive haven.”

She had to continue rearranging internally as she fragmented into disociation as could feel chest compartments shifting in order to keep enduring toxicity inundation.

“That’s just it, then?

It’s the waiting…

And the craving…

And the stretching too thin?

“But instead came home to the house still reeking of dog urine.

How?

Why?

Where?

Who and What already having been determined.

Turns out that the lining under the couch has been sagging, so this absorbed much of – as well as hid – more older large pools that had traveled and gathered under.

Thus results another hour or so of dedicated labor to cutting out the lining, mopping, and remopping over the area and onto any tracking I’ve created while managing.

And I find myself realizing, “I just can’t do this anymore…”

“As I woke up around twelve pm to another round of the cat yowling on my one day “off” there was no way for me to get dressed in time to get the wolf out, so she peed again in large puddles that ran into and under furniture.

Which means a whole ‘nuther effort-layered, careful mopping venture while I have her tied to the front door, out of the way, eating breakfast as I navigate – and I’m sitting paused and writing in the kitchen, noticing pain in my cells from carrying overload as further fume toxins pour in around me from the sink walls because I need to have the air filter turned on.”

“I should have gotten boxes for sorting and thinning out items – but they were to expensive, and would have absorbed more of the smoke fumes smell.”

“I just want to attend to my garden!”

“After hours of taping, trying to innovate salvaging our health by preventing toxic influx to increase better air quality, come to find out that the wolf has peed so much in a dark part of the front room that I did not see it until after I tracked it – and then I had to mop the whole front of the house.”

“From continuing exposure to fumes.”

“It just took so much effort to get into here – and it’s going to take so much more to get out.”

“I am so tired of fighting battles…

But I have to get out of this rental situation, immediately.”

“Seas better part – that’s all I’ve got to say!”

“It makes me mad that my attempt to draw in fresh air just brings in more of the bad.”

“Like a stone.”

“Aren’t ‘Halo & Ivy’ kind of the same colors?

Oh…I was thinking of ivory…”

“Constant outpouring of good and efforts to help others…

Receiving some good, some neutral – and frequently taking hits of heavy damage.”

“One minute things are fine – and the next they are gripping, locked on like a Rottweiler.”

“Can feel at times too fragile.”

“As the wolf tosses her head frequently, impatiently beckoning me to take her outside for a fresh round as I clean up her peed-onto-floor mess and the tiger yowls and loudly clinks his glass food bowl at me demanding, I am reminded of my life as a teenager when having to care on my own for my ailing grandmother – and she would ring the bell from her bedroom, summoning.”

“This morning – is about scrambling!”