Category: Comedy

“I do not know how this happened, but when I went to pick up the phone charger from the floor, I found its lengths and the electric cord conjoin-locked in a death roll struggle by a past and now dried tea bag with its string tightly throttle-coiling.”

—

(I mean, how does that happen?!)

“Yesterday, I went to the store to get two packages of my favorite blueberry muffins – procurred from the specific section where they always used to be.

And found upon returning hom – to my dismay – that the interlopers were not gluten-free!”

“Bronchial syrup, but instead typed ‘fluid…’

Makes a big difference when trying to purchase!”

“Really heeere…”

—

(Immune system take over)

“It’s too late for me now
I am altered

There is something
Beneath…”

—

(Sleep Token lyrics)

“There is no arguing with it – nor apparently any workaround – when it dies.”

“When you’re fu**ed, you’re fu**ed – but it isn’t the right type nor desired fu**ed.”

—

(Doo-tee-dooo…who me?!)

“Ok, how about enraged?”