She would have taken them in…
And she would have admonished the others, keeping their hostilities from causing harm.
She would have taken them in…
And she would have admonished the others, keeping their hostilities from causing harm.
She refused to pay high marks for poorly constructed quality, and so had to cast her net wider to replenish some core supplies.
“The past frequency of older men marrying younger women not only afforded potential for financial stability for a new family – but more possibility that by then the man would have gained some worthwhile maturity!
Although, there are those rare instances when a man achieves greatness beyond those of his elders and peers, way ahead of preordained schedule…
Including admiration of so many throngs of ladies.”
—
(Title play with words)
She had become ill because of how he had been treating her.
Then, despite all that she had given and supported before, he and his family just threw her out onto the street so that they would not have to care for her.
And yet, once away from them all, even though caught up in the miring of dust and the toil, her sanity came back to her because she was no longer under their corrupted control nor influence.
Now that was worth some hearty, full throttled, open-mouthed and loudly maniacal laughter – even without any liquor!
She wanted him.
Not because he was perfect.
But because he worked for and toward it.
And collapsed when he couldn’t.
But then, got back up again – despite any weakness.
He was the man that she wanted to stand and fall with.
Because, together, they could find ways to rise again and fall more gently.
For they had what it takes to mutually invest in and enjoy life in any weather.
They could catch and lead each other.
They could be passionately, exclusively essential lovers.
She needed a man who had fought for his higher values and proven his commitment in the past, just as she had fought for and proven hers.
God(s) – Make It Stop!
She didn’t want these dream reminders of how her life in relationship used to be…
Resurfacing memories playing out in new scenarios creating a continuum where being relegated to less than almost barely tolerable was what she deserved – and the way that it “should” always be!
Hurting
Afraid
Defensive
Desiring
—
(Multiple meanings)
She could only mean as much to him
As he would allow her to mean to him
Realizing this barrier made her
Want to scream Hell at Heaven
—
(Title of multiple references)
I can’t hold this on my own, anymore
I never have wanted & don’t want to
Do not tell me what
I should need or think
When you clearly do not
Know what is good for me
“More feral, than lady-like…”
One by one
They lined up
Enjoying watching how
She danced for them
Their presence
Pretending interest
But not one actually
Investing in her
“…and encourages you to believe in your path…”
How can a woman feel worthy
When needs community help?
Do not be fooled into
Thinking that I’m weak
When my power retracts
In hybernation’s dormancy
“Ever fe-cking TESTED…
‘Give me a blade and a time and a place…’
Cowards couldn’t dare to face me when I was stronger…”
—
(Quote Reference to Sleep Token’s “Look To Windward”)
“Blame cast unfairly – where the victims are forced to carry the crimes’ burden of others’ wrongdoings and/or projections.”
Health
Youth
Money
She assumed that with her injuries, age, and poverty, that she would not be seen as “worthy.”
“If we were lucky, someone would come by on horseback and ask if we had any mail to send?
Remember when we had to travel great distance through weather to town if we didn’t have this option?
And then, that letter had higher chances of getting lost or interfered with?
So why, now – with the internet and phone networks allowing us to reach each other in less than a minute in nearly any part of the world – is it even harder to directly communicate?”
External poverty
But heart of gold
Like sticky black taffy tar clogging where life’s vital blood should circulate freely, infection from others’ betrayals against love’s purity still encumbered her.
They hadn’t cared that their matriarch’s elegant clothes and personal belongings were going to be left behind for the angry daughter-in-law to defile and desecrate in her latent rage.
They didn’t care that the fridge’s unfinished holiday helpings if left to rot would cause damage over time in the now abandoned house and give the daughter-in-law reason to sue and place blame.
And they certainly didn’t care about the matriarch’s beloved seasonal china laid out twice yearly in sacred tradition to welcome her family.
No…
Her granddaughter-in-law saw the truth in all of it and made sure that the family helped her secure that no trace nor censure of their matriarch could be used to tarnish her memory.
They barely helped, and most reluctantly.
Oh, yes…
And then, once they realized that the china had value and they could sell it back to the angry daughter-in-law for cash value – they demanded that the granddaughter-in-law’s family turn it over to them, accusing her of interfering and “attempted stealing.”
She had found out recently the that original marriage had been actively sabotaged by her ex’s family due to spite and jeolousy once their beloved matriarch passed.
But this did not exonerate him.
In fact, it emphasized the lack of mutual devotion that she had repeatedly encountered throughout her entire life.
“Are you my ‘Jekyll and Hyde?'”
She felt that this had made her into a target for criticism – and that they had all been judging and laughing at her.
Her hand smacked firm, palm down with a cracking resound as she emphasized to the council’s misdirected criticism – “All I was trying to do was keep us alive.”
“It becomes ever further apparent that my creations here keep me from dissolving completely.”