Category: Male Bonding

“Why does a guy at the gym wide range on the far outskirts of my perimeter, but when he has a woman with him, he displays in front of me and looks in my direction -?”

Someone I can believe in.

“Because I gave so much – and he just left, after years of receiving.”

“Having a guy mistreat me when I am worth so much more is hard to disentangle from and get over on my own.”

“No, you don’t get to have me as your ‘side piece.'”

When a man passes over a woman for another, the one he discarded really does not want to know how he’s doing.

Because others had hurt him, he closed off his heart – and thus, hurt others.

I’d rather be alone with my truth than be caught in a web of someone else’s lies.

One day, in his “affable innocence” mode, he sought her out to present his family of wife and child(ren) to her.

“Hey, I just want to thank you for helping to set me right on my path!” he exclaimed, proud of his accomplishments.

And in this act, he completely ignored the fact that her own heart had been broken and was being torn open – yet again – in this societal expectation of her to be gracious and flattered by his flaunting appreciation.

(Title play on phrase “No, thank you.”)

In an orchard of rot, how to find a good one?

As she walked into the restaurant to have lunch with her friend, she glanced around and noticed the guy on a date with a young woman.

Reflecting on the brief history they’d had together where he had pigeonholed her away from friendship, isolated and limited their interactions to only short texts and intimacy in the bedroom, and abruptly pushed her away energetically when they briefly encountered each other in public, she realized that breaking things off with him had been the best thing for her to do to reclaim her own sense of power, sanctity, and emotional security.

She was newly married again and trying to tell her husband that she needed his help to grow and learn with him in their styles of communication when his mother, sister, and grandmother suddenly appeared and began roaming around outside of the house, peeking in through and tapping loudly on the windows, insisting that he join them for plans and ignoring her requests for them to wait in front while she spoke with him.

The couple was already caught in a point of deep misunderstanding because her husband had taken her attempt to clarify how she was feeling as criticism that he was doing something wrong – which she was trying hard to show that her asking for help did not imply a lack of adequacy on his side, but rather, that she wanted to build a wonderful relationship with him.

However, he had responded by shutting down with wounded feelings to where she now felt stuck in the role of pursuing while he kept retreating – whereupon the women had shown up and were making a mess of her hard-challenged attempts to rebridge with him.

Then the house burst into noise and chaos as the women entered the house using a key that her husband had given them to access caring for pets and plants while the couple had been away on honeymoon.

They began monopolizing and demanding his attention.

He turned away from his wife, completely missing her point, and focused on this new distraction as his wife felt outnumbered four-to-one as her efforts were squashed.

Flustered as the other women now dominated the couple’s home, the wife raised her voice and began asserting her own firmness that the women must give her the key; that they couldn’t just burst into the newlyweds’ home without prior agreement; and that they had to leave now and give her and her husband time to finish their conversation to ensure their solid rebonding before the women could integrate into the couple’s new relationship.

This caused a resistant outburst reaction by the women and her husband, and she felt labeled as controlling – when in fact, the women were running all over her and her husband’s situation, expecting their prior family interactions to be as they had always been, with maybe now the wife included as a side-kick.

Then, her husband defaulted to just giving into his relatives’ demands, seeming relieved to shift back to this “known” and no longer talk with his wife about difficult and confusing, personal subjects.

As he left with them to mollify their ruffled pride and egos, the wife could not take the crushing, isolated position they’d all placed and left her in and soon began packing to return to her prior solace living singly that she had learned long ago she could always depend upon.

“I need a man who is good for me and wants me.”

“A guy is out there looking for whatever he is looking for.

And if that ain’t you, it doesn’t matter how good or even better you are than what he seeks, he’s gonna treat you like trash.

So don’t pursue him or give him access to you.”

When a guy does not care for her and keeps her on hold for his own selfish reasons.

Sometimes, a girl has just gotta quit a guy as if he is one.

He was off playing the field while she was fighting for Maslow’s.

“You hold me up when I’m falling down.”

A good way to discourage a man who is an anti-commitment “player” is to remind him that there could be accidental paternity.

“A partnership of mutual investment in love, growth, and commitment that lasted more than a brief glimpse of paradise made real.”

“In trying to figure out what type of man would be right for me, I would venture to say he would need to be an ambivert like me: capable of wild, external expression, yet also loving the soaking-in of tranquility.

However, still in the equation left unfigured is my freedom.of open self expression and not knowing if the man would find its uniqueness attractive.

Women are expected to hide their wild and rough n’ tough sides, for still, women are expected to be underdeveloped in their complexity.

But my inner world and hidden self expression just keeps on expanding!

And with my natural tendency to self suppress and accommodate around others, I wonder if it is better to stay alone to keep freedom of self expression always an option.”

It was better for her to keep bracing and trying to level further up than for her to reach for and rely upon a man’s crafted illusion.

The reason that she had stayed in a longterm relationship full of neglect was because there had been a medical situation clouding perception of underlying reality.

“I remember when I at last felt his physical strength returning, as he grabbed me and we struggled.

I hadn’t felt him in his body, nor his true presence there for years.

Never having done so before, I hit him firm in his side and against his chest with the flat of my hands, at last sobbing out loud wildly, ” Wake up! Wake UP! WAKE UP!”

And looking into his eyes, I only saw confusion as they were at last coming clear.

Later, I realizsd that he must have been masking himself – hiding from me for all of that time – as if my love had somehow been a threat to his very existence.”

She had felt her heart blossom with pure happiness at having thought that she’d found someone real, again.

But suddenly, she felt things shift between them, and her heart labored under pain of being censured from the equation.

Something was very wrong here.

It then took several months for her to extract herself from the situation, to be left reeling in shock from blanched exposure.

“For me to otherwise stay in a shallow relationship would be addiction under the constant, active threat of rescission.”

Would force the dolls to remove their own hearts before he would play with their strings.

(Content of multiple meanings)

“To be in the position where my children are cherished and doted upon – but not me.”

“No…what you gave me was a recipe for my life being filled again with nightmare fodder!”

“I am not wanted for who I am as an amazing, capable, and loving human being – but for what I can provide and for what others can take from me.

I’d say this amounts to a sh**-ton of fresh negative reinforcement – so why the he** would I want to go get on feeding-frenzy dating sites?!!”

Before she knew it, she was encased tightly within a trap of her own needs, desiring more, while denied the breath and light of true relationship.

(Title of multiple meanings)

She was tired of being strung along.

Upon parting, he encouraged her to go onto dating sites.

(Title of multiple meanings)

At least the traffic was light…