Category: Stream of Thought

I understood when I was caught up in the process, although I did not know how to change behaviors then.

I do not need to also experience similar scenarios from other perspectives.

I think the attraction for thirties-aged men to me is that I seem caring and approachable.

RAARGH!

(Jumping out with a wild look of claws showing and teeth grinning)

I thought that I felt bad after the accident, but as therapy “makes progress,” new levels of pain, inflammation, and nerve weakness reveal.

I try to turn adversity into opportunities.

Somewhere in all of this, there must be room for me.

I don’t want to talk about it, anymore.

No more intakes, explanations, triangulations.

I’m just a creative looking for her sense of purpose.

I had been proud that I was recovering my poise and smooth gait.

Summer’s sun was baking color back into my skin, honing me like the Grecian goddess I have been named after.

Fall comes now, and I am injured again, hobbling around like a fifties-year-old stereotype –

Cringing as winter will again soon enough set in.

Set the goal/level and stick up for it.

When I eat raw fruit or vegetables, I will often place the seeds I find in a bowl(s) to dry for later.

I may never plant them, but gathering them makes me feel a sense of connected contentment.

Not the usual recipe for “job security.”

Being a parent is a lifetime investment.

Injury to hip and leg overshadows loosened reinforcement soft tissue zones.

Limited benefits all around pressure miracles of speedy recovering.

This last month has been just about overcoming the chop.

Barely now can I think about how I am doing and “where” I “should be” going.

If not so engaged in just surviving, what would I explore and discover?

The philosophical tomes of ancestors?

Physics String Theory as it pertains to harmony?

I would write the script geared toward humanity, knowing it gives guidance to other intelligences.

How do I design my recovery so that my life is fulfilling, eclectically?

How I identify and quantify stability is not the same as standard assessments.

I just need patterns of consistency interwoven throughout my life’s path(s) so I feel that I am making progress.

I drove my blue dragon again today and got a very clear sense that I can only keep it temporarily.

It is supposed to move onward, without me.

I feel as if my life is a mess – although in some ways, it is quite orderly.

I’ve been disrupted so many times, I just get used to stepping up onto another platform.

Without handrails, as it is lifting away from stability.

Get me off of these things!

I am beginning to have lunch with new people I meet who seem to share some form of kinship.

At some point, ya gotta just nestle in again for the long haul.

I am beginning to suspect that my leg and/or hip may have been fractured in the accident.

Raising younglings is not easy.

I know my own path – and will find it.

(Title play with words)

The promises given at start of relationship were not fulfilled, yet conscription wove insideous objectifications.

(Title play with words)

Ignorance is not bliss.

But knowing the truth is not always better.

“Wait for iiiiiit…”

What use are any of my efforts?

It isn’t Empty Nest Syndrome, although to others, it might seem like it.

Rather, I’m fighting to overcome many incidents reinforcing self suppression in exchange for survival.

I have been listening for my soul’s inspiration to answer my call.

I can barely hear it at all.

I have hit a wall that I am trying to scale or go around.

Much change has already happened and it is disorienting.

My track has been disrupted.

I guess I am at a new beginning.

But, it feels like I am just again trying to pick up scattered pieces.

I am trying to “integrate,” but I do not trust the process.

What is causing me to feel unloved and uncherished – when clearly, I am being provided for?

I was funneled toward and slipped into the roles too easily.

Not the same kind of dream as tout-publicized, but one that I still find is worthy.

A self-propagating internal sludge difficult to counteract once takes hold – for it builds its case upon projected “if-only’s” that may or may not have any basis in “reality.”

Deep inside, I became resentful.

Positive Assessments vs. Negative Conclusions

Creating original works and taking what already exists to new levels.

In reviewing her story, we find the heroine is struggling.

I seek, yet nothing appeals to rekindle the spark within me.

It’s interesting speaking with some of the younger generations where we share similar interests and the only difference between us is that I’ve just been alive longer.

Is humanity ready to evolve?

I am not interested in imposing my will upon others, just in stating my point of view as my own.

The experience can make a person later feel uncomfortable when they gather their energy’s focus to reach for more.

The lyrics being sung to a beat-based guitar, strumming as I exited the pub after a creatives’ group meeting.

Yep, that about sums it up – and I have always tried to deliver.

“Living as I speak.”

It’s just that my oomph fizzled out once I got stuck in enforced stagnation.

Cut off from the types of elements and people who inspire me.

I really can’t recommend this to anyone – except as a short-term measure or intervention.

Now I’m struggling to kick off the crust from my previously established persona as I keep striving for fairer weather.

From blue dragon to black wolf.

Aroooo!

Doctors say at least 3 months, but I better start now if I hope to meet that.

We got to rest up, had a good show, friends visited and hugged, and we acquired more minerals!

I have been having a snip of “bad attitude.”

I feel a sense of disillusionment which seems too all-pervading.

Maybe it is just from the physical setbacks of the accident.

But it is also something that’s accumulated in my over fifty years of living.

I am bored.

Restless.

Not much is inspiring me in the common day interactions with other people and community.

I make the most of tiny opportunities.

But it’s like I have done all of this before.

I try to be comforted by the reemergence of familiar social patterns now welcoming me in this new land.

There is water, lush greenery, and an almost willfully-ignorant innocence abounding.

Not everything has yet been corrupted and tainted – which seems opposite to California’s demographics

There is hope here to create something endurant.

But I am disoriented and the space around me feels “empty” – as if who or what I need to add to and/or accompany me is not actually here.

I guess I still feel as if something essential is missing.

Like a lifemate or greater purpose to be pursuing.

Maybe I somehow carry the seeds of its fruition inside of me.

Meanwhile, absence of its embodiment has me in a fowl mood.

I’ve begun growl-chuffing.

https://myodfw.com/wildlife-viewing/species/snakes

When I was younger, I would “just roll with it.”

I’d pick up the slack “for the good of others,” even though “robbed” of the supports I was promised.

But I just don’t have that kind of patience nor energy to spare for such sacrifices anymore.

For my having to put more effort toward something than I should while recovering – only to have other people not pull their weight and, in fact, add more stress and pressure to it – is not something that I want to invest in further.

They tell me to take it easy – and believe me, I am careful to stay within my limitations’ parameters.

But because I test and push the thresholds, there are levels they’d be surprised to know where I’m progressing.