Category: Stream of Thought

Dreaming (Turkish)

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Being noone has its advantages.

(Title play with words)

Buying back the vehicle and repairing it vs. investing in more debt…

In this moment, what counts as stability?

What defines my continued freedom, physically and spiritually?

Having it turns purpose into completed projects.

Making Fun

I Want To BE.

I had asked for help regarding my work, car, and life in general.

I had felt stuck in a rut that I could not get out of despite my best efforts – despite continuing to try when I had so little left to give.

The impact knocked me out of all of that and is rearranging everything.

For better hopefully.

I keep striving.

I work in the eye of the storm to ensure whirling elements settle where they best connect to provide ease of flow in the system.

Under pressure.

People utilize the resources they have – and when they run out, they must innovate.

As components mulitiply rapidly in their branchinh complexity, I discovered while in process of making a smoothy that I had poured the frozen blueberries into the yogurt – rather than the blender container!

Being out of work and having to attend to every little detail and piece of info regarding working to resolve this accident situation has become a full-time job while scrabbling to regain stability.

In myself, I had not considered the pain from underlying injured muscles.

That was quite a detour: raising my kids and trying to be there for a friend with a disability.

It’s my time “to grow up” and expand into a new reality.

The nagging, throbbing pain in my outer right thigh is from my stamping down hard onto the break pedal to keep my blue dragon from being hurdle-slammed into the car in front of me!

Apparently, there are classes on foal training.

(Title play with words)

Today I must say goodbye to my beloved steed.

I do not want to, but have to.

For safety.

It is hard to leave my companion – my friend – that has sheltered and provided for my independence and family.

My lovely, vibrant beast must be retired – yet, what green pasture awaits thee?

My blue dragon’s mushy suspension from its age-worn years is what saved me.

I was planning to visit my parents soon, but the smoke in the air had an oppressive energy.

I felt it was unsafe to go outside for errands, but was driven to by the charge of inescapable anxiety.

Soon after, chaotic energy collided with me.

Pleasing to the eye and
Soothing to one’s spirit.

Too aware, and yet
Not aware enough.

I am not homeless, and I am still semi-functional.

I had thought that I was reclusive by nature.

Turns out it is more of an effect from feeling in an unsafe environment or if I am injured.

In these respects, perhaps I am “normal.”

The healer gets new lessons…

Pain and weakness referral into my outer diguts now, huh?

Ok…

This is going to be “fun.”

Certain dreams are not “practical,” yet are still what I want.

To this day, it still hurts my feelings – because if we were not meant to be together in some fashion, I should not have been sent to him

It took me being back home with my mom and her huge hounds to give a starting reboot to my prior associations.

It turns out that most of the guys she’d been attracted to had some variant of high-functioning Autism.

Yet, they had each been beautifully and physically coordinated with genius-level scientific and/or artistic external expressionism.

“It is a divine message from the angelic realm that means you are in perfect balance between your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. It is a sign of success and that guidance is available to you if needed.”

https://joyfuldumplings.com/1055-angel-number/#:~:text=you%20towards%20fulfilment!-,1055%20in%20Numerology,available%20to%20you%20if%20needed.

(“Joyful dumplings?!”)

Effects from the accident have disrupted my ability to physically perform my therapies.

(Title play with words)

The amount of work it takes to stop and repair financial and physical damage from an accident conscripts time and energy.

I must recreate a foundational matrix which is strong, yet flexible.

Starvation for a love hidden beyond any reason can make a woman turn inward upon herself and no longer trust her ability to discern truth from fantasy.

The more she examined this phenomenon, the more she was not sure that any future relationship would be healthy for her.

For all that she had encountered in male partnership so far had been direct or indirect thievery.

She knew that the love between them was there, but it had gone to ground and was hidden in his soul’s waters, barred to her access.

It wasn’t her fault, though she was prevented from mingling with them because he needed to protect his own identity.

Fragility makes a man want to close up and ward off any offers of trustworthy intimacy.

And because she knew this about his “condition,” shr felt bound to stay by his side, rather than leave and abandon him.

She didn’t realize that he was afraid of the strength of her spirit; by the conviction of her advocacy; and by the power of the love that she had for him and tried to show him.

A type of sinister corruption of similar powers had already been directed at him in childhood – and had nearly destroyed him.

The call of her heart and light of her vision were simply greater than he felt comfortable with.

But what he could offer was sardonic, joking, and critical cynicism – which was funny, but did not enhance her confidence in her abilities, nor make her feel loved and supported.

Nor wanted.

Nor cherished.

In fact, it had the inadvertent effect, as if a poison.

And her growth became contorted and convoluted.

Inspiration:
Master of Inspiration
Light to the World
Visionary

Recognition:
Leader
Warrior
Adventurer

Mastership:
Master Builder
Master Architect
Visionary

Partnership:
Peacemaker
Partner
Diplomat

Compassion:
Teacher of Teachers
Master of Compassion
Master of Healing

(www.corepassion.com)

“Give thanks for unknown blessings that are already on the way.”

When you smack a compass hard, does it reorient?

I will let these injuries provide access to deeper levels of healing.

I ask myself why I am so reactive, frustrated, and lashy privately, whereas I did not exhibit these emotions while visiting my parents recently.

Maybe it is because I was cocooned by their support temporarily. Being with them provided a respite and buffer for me to ease through shock.

Now, it is up to me to reclaim everything.

I do not currently consider myself fun to be around. Pain’s inflammation chases joy away.

(Title play with words)

IF an insurance company provides for a rental car after an accident, they do not cover the cost of insurance for the rental vehicle, and they do not cover the deposit required to pick up the vehicle.

So, if a person no longer has funds due to injuries from the accident preventing them from returning to work (= loss of income), that person is simply SOL.

We are both visionaries, sent to help humanity.

I am struggling to keep my island intact while helping the world from the inside-out as I can.

You already have your core base established, and thus, have a broader reach for positive influence.

The things that are the most difficult for me to deal with are not necessarily because they are difficult, but because in the past too much vexation has accumulated regarding my being repeatedly prevented from resolving them – and therefore, I now feel aversion from even trying.

Perhaps I should have left from the moment he first began distancing.

But life was different then: just emerging from the 80’s.

And I was very young, just learning to flex my wings.

If not the one(s) being “pushed,” there is only “freeze” or “flee” – unless primal urge to protect initiates.

It was the first time I had been catcalled since my early teens in the Silicon Valley.

I am used to there being some sort of driving force within me.

So when I looked inside today and felt nothing but neutrality, I began panicking and feeling my hopeful perspective plummet.

Maybe there’s no “perfectly ready,”
Although misunderstanding can
Lead to inadvertent mistiming.