Category: Stream of Thought

“Soon?”

Soon?

Temporaly, “soon” can mean – whatever time wants it to mean!

I am not a sequential being, although I do adopt patterns linearly as I have need.

Why do they call it ” the benefit of doubt?”

There is no giving of benefit from doubt in such situations.

It is investing despite doubt – choosing to support and promote belief in someone’s better future.

As I slowly drove through the small mall parking lot between errands, a youngish man came running up to me, begging me politely to stop and help him.

His teeth looked worn, he waa a bit bedraggled and he slurred so may have been inebriated. However, he spoke well enough to ask me clearly if I could help him get enough money to take the bus back home after his ride couldn’t return him.

I asked him how much money he had, which was a bit of change, and to count it for me while I sorted through my own leaned-out car ashtray to help him reach one dollar. Then I counted out fifty cents and handed this to him, asking him to check-count it as well.

When he confirmed the amounts (which could have irritated anyone immediately to irration), I noticed he was just being hopeful and grateful to receive. Then I handed him the remaining thriteen dollars in my wallet, which in all totalled the amount of the ticket he needed.

He was surprised, thanked me, then headed out of the lot immediately, looking back toward me after I parked in front of the gym because as we both left by different routes, we had crossed paths again.

If his story had been true, I had given him all that he needed so that he no longer had to ask anyone for anything. In such a situation, I had helped restore his independent dignity.

(This happened right after I had given my card to the other man. Maybe this lad had seen me speaking jovially and supportively.)

Sometimes I will hand my card out to complete strangers who seem nice and earnest.

Something in their voice or demeaner says maybe they could benefit by encouragement.

Music infiltrates and saturates the senses where experience may be lacking, yet much needed.

There were huge pythons slithering over a gate’s entrance, and I picked one up to clear it for other people’s safety – without thinking of potential consequences.

It was thick and heavy while I moved slowly to not harm or alarm it and the others, but still, it bit me instinctively.

I pried its clamped mouth off of me quickly and gently released it, then walked away at distancing speed as I looked down and held up my hand in the dim twilight to see why it was throbbing.

As I made my way to the emergency room in an unfamiluar town situated on a hull, I got side-tracked into helping a woman reconnect with her family. Luckily, the snake had bitten, but had not injected venom.

It was a weird dream, as dreams can be.

Its’ happenings advised me to get my brakes checked, as we can have those dreams where you press – and they do not respond as well as they should.

Then, I was involved with helping someone stabilize their life’s flow until that was taken over by their family’s nourishing,

As this point, I reflected to myself, “Why am I always doing or dreaming about making sure someone else gets to improve their life? What about my own needs?”

In response, as I walked into a room, a man I once knew and at one time could trust sat down in front of me, offering silently that I could hug him.

I wrapped my arms around him from behind, feeling and melting into his back’s strength as I rested my head there and breathed in deeply.

That sense of warmth and safety engulfing me; that ability for a moment to just let all of my sorrows and fears go…I had missed it.

I could feel his acceptance allowing me to grow.

Dragging a heavy hose across the front lawn to keep the seedlings and other regenerating plants hydrated, I notice that our wisteria and honeysuckle are still alive, and move them to more easy observation.

Modifying a small dog pen fencing so that we can keep the dogs out of the kitchen vs. using odd panels of baby gate which fall over with a loud crashing clatter-bang nearly whenever we moved it gives sense of functionality.

Purchasing attractive house plants to further brighten our interior, and tacking a brilliantly colored large scarf over my bedroom’s slightly warped mirror afforms a positive atmosphere we take ownership over.

Pausing for a moment on a chair in the hot garage though the outee door is open, I play with two pressure suction cups (one on each IT band) and marvel at the sound of the wind rustling through large tree folige and the fact that we have a bonified home again in a family neighborhood where mourning doves and varieties of wildling birds sing.

“201 is an HTTP status code indicating a new resource was successfully created in response to the request, with the textual part of the response line indicating the URL of the newly created document.”

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/201_(number)#:~:text=201%20is%20an%20HTTP%20status,of%20the%20newly%20created%20document.

I like the sound of that – send me the link!

😀

A neck vertebrae snapped back out again on the left side of my neck earlier this week and now the right side is pulling, attempting to pull out another.

This has resulted in the nerves throughout my back and limbs quivering with shakeyness as if I am having sugar processing problems by the chemicals being released into my system, making me feel nautious.

But, I really cannot afford to care because even with the manual chiropractic adjustment prior to this, my right leg was jamming at its internally inverted joint socket and I have been dealing with severe dizzy spells.

It comes down to there being too much tension in my locked down cervical muscles from previous accidents. If this is not properly addressed and released, any chiro realignments just add more torque pressuring.

So I will just continue walking around carefully, like a nonchalant, loosey-goosey string bean. I hide it well in my confident stride posturing.

I have now begun spraying my own plants to make them happy: a lovely rabbit’s foot fern and two small Autumn ferns in my bathroom.

I have been a devout champion of love, yet have been forced to witness and experience brutal propagations of its ruin.

Ever have they turned away – these incomplete mortals seeking that which does not challenge them to grow, and only reflects reassurance of paradigms they have known.

Determined to live half-lives, content in their complicitness of minimalistic propagation, humans hide in their shadow under the guise of “truth” to reinforce inaction.

It makes sense on some level – otherwise so many would not fall into the patterns. Childhood lack and trauma can stunt growth of the best of us.

However, it has never made sense to me that once people become aware of their internal inequities that they turn away from evolving and refuse to embrace love’s healing.

” No! Stop what you are doing!” her pleas went from gentle to frantic – and then one day to desperation’s rage as her system kicked into fighting back subconsciously at the raw injustice. “Can’t you see that loving each other well is the answer? It can bring us peace and harmony!”

But, once he began, he just kept avoiding and pushing her goodness away, afraid of losing himself – afraid that their love would engulf and erase his identity. He began projecting fear onto her while abandoning – and made her the enemy.

That deep indent from where the heavy office panels almost crushed my right leg several moves ago is gone.

The hand-held, controllable suction may offer reprieve for a variety of muscular/fascial issues.

I would rather not belong, than to belong falsely.

I am working with good healers, but they do not apply my techniques.

It is interesting how I give my clients that which I need, yet have found no one to give it to me similiarily.

I must find a way to be the practitioner, as well as the recipient.

I have ordered myself 4 packets of 100 seeds each of Roman Chamomile for Mother’s Day!

(Title play with words :D)

I have always tried to be authentic, although I have chosen carefully who to reveal aspects of myself to.

So it has been quite disconcerting to find that somewhere along the way I lost pieces of myself.

It is only more recently with resources such as right time, place, and space that I find them.

It is like welcoming myself home again as a long lost friend.

Ever since my shoulder injury, my left humerus has been just enough internally twist rotated forward in the shoulder socket to where I have had to be careful how I use the arm so as not to dislocate it and injure it further.

However, now that physical therapy and other healing modalities have been assisting, for a couple of weeks now I have had intense tingling and cutting-off-circulation nerve flare pain down both anterior and posterior sides of my arm, all the way down to my thumb (with an intense itch at the digit’s base), where before I had none.

I guess things must be loosening up and “getting better” – but it sure feels worse in the process!

When my office mate requested that I spritz the plants every day I was there, initially I was irritated because it feels like I have a hard enough time keeping my own various tasks attended to.

However, I figured that I would benefit over time from participating in this little bit of making the plants happier.

Sure enough, today while I was tending them, I remembered how I used to feel kinship with my own of such types – back when I was just beginning as a young healer and my spirit was blossoming.

I figured out how to upgrade – Woot!

Foliage of heavenly-sweet scent when touched or walked upon, someday I shall have some again.

Today I planted green beans, snow peas, yellow and green zuchinni, mini tomatoes, artichokes, and pumpkins. Soon we will add flowers and herbs as we refresh and tend our mobile garden.

It must become enough – whatever good we can accomplish.

Where was love when
I felt more worthy and
Wasn’t worn to bleary?

Where was it when I
Still held my head high
While refusing to cry?

The numbers now claim
At my worst I am ready!

(“Ready Spaghetti”)

It ought to not require more pain to get out of pain.

I had been fussing to myself for awhile how tying tennis shoes can be quite irritating because I have to often readjust the tension throughout the day, depending upon what I am doing.

Then I came across a lightly used pair which fit me perfectly and let me turn quickly, and they have just a stretchy loop with a tension clamp for quick fixing.

At first, I scoffed at the “lazy hip” fashion statement of this design, but liked their look so much that I bought them, thinking that I would replace the hoops later with laces.

However, now that I have been using them, I thrive by their quick-release-and-tighten convenience!

Have you ever been worn so weary that life becomes dreary – and you can’t sleep because hypervigilance has you hypnotised?

Waiting through the night for my own light to push back the night.

Knowledge can be condenced into efficiency.

I do not have lifetimes in this one to learn the trades of masters.

I must distill to essentials to cultivate what I need.

And then, somehow, put it on the screen.

One must step forward in the direction they would like to go if they hope some day to arrive there.

“Embrace them” – squeeze them tight!

I wish that I could access and express all of the better parts of me, but right now, I am at a defecit.

This is what life is truly about!

I looked for you today at the local coffee shop, thinking somehow that you would recognize me.

But of course, if you were there, your eyes would have passed over me as I blended too easily into the scenery while securing the item that my car roof was carrying.

“Would you type?!!”

(Me admonishing my unhelpful touch keypad.)

Much better than quitting – and helps the heels kick up a little to break off what’s stodgy.

I literally cannot afford it!

To gripe in deep frustration or a type of bird that hides in the reeds.

Athenapedia.

The registration I protected has gone missing and to get a copy is difficult due to miring in California’s DMV system.

And I can’t get tech support from WordPress to help navigate the next storage space advancement.

All I can focus on without getting seriously vexed is putting one foot in front of the next.

I would like to think that low funds are a sign of needs being met and our situation stabilizing.

However, it takes new associative programming to no longer feel on the edge of being compromised.

Consciousness advocates for the body by voice while the body asks for help by conveying pain.

Healing happens when both are understood and tended to according to the self’s assessment.

A good healer trys to “speak” their client’s “language.”

When The Body Says No: The Cost Of Hidden Stress, By Gabor Mate

Discusses the effect of the mind-body link on illness and health and the role that stress and one’s individual emotional makeup play in an array of common diseases. drgabormate.com/book/when-the-body-says-no/

Shake It Off Naturally, By David Berceli PHD

TRE® is an innovative series of exercises that assist the body in releasing deep muscular patterns of stress, tension and trauma.  traumaprevention.com/

I was on a leading wave, trying to navigate by instincts that could not find their answering ping because the one I was looking to meet had not arrived – and would not for awhile, yet.

So I left Santa Barbara, turning away from the call to search in South California, and returned home to focus efforts on raising some beautiful children.

Time’s reflection shows how much we have all grown